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Thread: Extreme Attention Seeker Or?

  1. #1
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    Extreme Attention Seeker Or?

    So about 5 days ago I posted about a woman I have dated for the last 4-5 months who I believe is a huge attention wh*re. I ended it with her a few days ago and she has been relentless in trying to get back together. I want to share some incidents that involved her attention seeking behavior and then get some input on what everyone thinks. I can't list all the incidents, but I'll list the one's that really stood out.

    2 months into the relationship we were at a bar and she struck up a conversation with a guy sitting next to her. The conversation went on for 10 minutes straight and got to the point where she was laughing obnoxiously and had her hand on his shoulder. Later on while I was a good 20 feet away, he approached her and asked for her number but she didn't give it to him.

    A week later we were at a concert and I noticed her making a lot of eye contact with a guy standing a few feet away from us. Eventually she got closer to him and let out an obnoxiously loud laugh and started to talk to him. The conversation between them lasted a while and I felt like a 3rd wheel or her wingman for most of the concert. The guy even followed us to the bar at one point where I finally told him she was with me.

    Another time we were looking for gifts for her mothers birthday. We ended up splitting apart at the store. I heard her laughing loudly and eventually saw her carrying on a conversation with another guy. She was playing with her hair and her body language completely showed interest in him. I finally approached and he looked at me as if I was interrupting their conversation until he realized who I was. She made nothing of it at all.

    Anytime there is at the very least an average looking guy around, she will go out of her way to get him to notice her. She has this obnoxious laugh that will catch anyone's attention but she only does it in these moments. I won't even say something funny and she'll laugh loudly and then look at the guy who she's trying to get attention from. Then she'll say something like "hey" or "what's up?" to start a conversation.

    I had talked to her about this only to be told that she's just naturally friendly or she doesn't even realize she's doing it or yada yada yada. I ended it with her on Monday in a respectful way but now she's asking for a second chance and I feel really hesitant to try it again but I do have feelings for her. I just don't know if she can change and have a feeling she has some issues from childhood that are engrained in her. I was told that attention seeking behavior can lead to another guy not giving her attention to the point where she could do something sexual just to get the attention she's seeking. It's never on purpose but in her subconcious mind she constantly needs validation in order to feel good about herself. Low self esteem.

    Do you think this is something that she can change on her own or will she need time and professional help? Have you ever been in a similiar situation with someone? I don't want to invest time if there's no point to do so.

  2. #2
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    I donít think this is a good or bad person thing, or a personality defect thing, I think itís a compatibility thing.

    Some people are flirty. Yes, they do this because they get something out of the exchange. It makes them feel good. It makes others feel good. It gives them an ego boost. Itís light and fun.

    Some people are not like that. They view flirting as a means to an end. As a tool to get with someone or spice up your relationship. If their partner is flirting with others, it comes across as very disrespectful and cheat-y.

    I donít think flirty people are guaranteed to cheat or anything. I donít think thereís anything ďwrongĒ with them.

    I DO think that flirty people either need to be with others who are equally flirty or very very secure. People who are flirty as a tool should probably be with other like-minded people unless they are very secure.

    I think that changing would be extremely difficult (especially if she doesnít even realize that sheís doing it) and painful for you both. I think you are probably both just better off with more compatible people.

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    Platinum Member DancingFool's Avatar
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    Sorry but do yourself a favor and drop her for good. Her begging you for another chance is just another manifestation of attention seeking behavior and wanting to feel in control. Since you dumped her, it hurt her ego. Now she haaaas to get you to back just to patch up her ego and prove to herself that she can manipulate you like that. Don't be surprised that as soon as you take her back she ends up dumping you.

    What she is going is highly calculated, intentional and obviously effective. That goes more onto a personality disorder spectrum rather than just a simple case of insecurities. Stay far far away.

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    Agree with DF, whether she's an attention wh***, flirty, friendly or whatever, her behavior is just flat out disrespectful.

    Re the incident wherein she was chatting up another guy so heavily, you felt like the third wheel, next time walk out. Leave them to it.

    If it had been me and my BF did that, that is exactly what I would have done!

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    RedDress, I can't agree that 2 flirty people are compatible. A couple times she got really upset with me for just talking to another female. No laughing, touching or flirting going on. When I told her nothing was going on and pointed out all the things she did, she said "I'm just being friendly., it seems like you were being too nice." Literally just small talk for a minute or 2. I think people that seek attention are very insecure and that leads to disrespectful behavior on their part. They don't see it as a problem but because they are so insecure, they are in fact very jealous people themselves, so the 2 flirts being compatible probably doesn't work.

    Another point to add is that light flirting is not anything anybody should worry about. It's when it happens constantly and touching is involved that it crosses the line of respect. Furthermore when your SO communicates that they feel disrespected by it (if you really love them) you wouldn't have a problem changing the behavior. When you make up excuses and gaslight your SO, I feel that getting validation from others is more important to you than being in a serious relationship. Working on your own self esteem before getting involved with someone should be top priority. At least that's my opinion.

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    I agree with James about flirting. It's your jealousy getting in the way. She sounds like a happy, fun-loving girl. And she seems to care about you. She's not the one that needs to change, you need to change your attitude. It's your insecurities that's getting the best of you. And being with her could be exciting. She could probably flirt her way into any party or event. But if you're going to be stuck up and be jealous and possessive, it's best to end it so she can find someone who enjoys her.

  8. #7
    Platinum Member figureitout23's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by DanZee
    I agree with James about flirting. It's your jealousy getting in the way. She sounds like a happy, fun-loving girl. And she seems to care about you. She's not the one that needs to change, you need to change your attitude. It's your insecurities that's getting the best of you. And being with her could be exciting. She could probably flirt her way into any party or event. But if you're going to be stuck up and be jealous and possessive, it's best to end it so she can find someone who enjoys her.
    Agree 100% even the way you describe her actions 'obnoxiously laughing' you are clearly twisting this based on your interpretation which is clouded due to your insecurities, jealousies etc.

    It's indicative of your future behavior as well. I have no doubt you have had jealousy issues in the past, or dated someone who caused you to have trust issues and this current woman is now paying the price.

    I agree it sounds like she is a social, happy girl. It would be one thing if she gave the guy her number or was giving you legitimate reasons to be so angry, but she's not, it's in your head.

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    DanZee: I have been in 2 relationships over the 5 year mark and a few others that were 6 months or better. I have never experienced jealousy and still don't. It's a respect issue. You either have respect for yourself or you don't.

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    Figureitout23: I have to ask how old you are because either you are very young or ignorant. I do NOT mean that in a disrespectful way. It's just all the assumptions you are making. Please don't take offense.

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    Originally Posted by James3270

    It's a respect issue.
    Absolutely agree with you James, 100% (see my last post).

    In fact in my mind, after everything you've written, this is definitely not just a "happy fun loving girl," her behavior is not only incredibly disrespectful but also indicative of a very insecure girl who intentionally and blatantly seeks the attention of other men in her boyfriend's presence, both for the attention they provide and to solicit a reaction from you.

    Then when you attempt to discuss, she gaslights you accusing you of being jealous, insecure, whatever.

    If this were a woman posting describing the behavior of her boyfriend, no doubt posters would be telling her to dump him! lol

    @figureitout, you've stated you broke up with you last boyfriend due to his jealousy - are you sure you're not subconsciously projecting that relationship on to the OP's situation?

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