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Thread: Urgent help needed, he thinks I lied, when I didnít!

  1. #1
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    Urgent help needed, he thinks I lied, when I didnít!

    Hi everyone,

    So back to the same sequel of me and the man Iím falling in love with. Itís been 5.5 months now but due to our heavy work traveling and miscellaneous events we have seen each other on an average of every 6 days but we are in contact msging on almost every day we are apart. Just a recap, we met on tinder and immediately we clicked. He is my first online date that I have actually gotten intimate with and he turns out to be my ideal man. Iím in my 30ís and he is in his forties both professional executives.

    So here it is I recently changed my profile picture on my mobile and it is also a picture I used to have on my tinder profile. He immediately recognized! Then he comes about asking me if Iím still on there and I replied no which is the honest truth. In fact I havenít been since the 1st month we were together.

    He then says no you are as my friends have seen you and sent him screenshots. I told him the truth which is Iím not but one day a friend of mine came over and since she doesnít have the app she asked me to download so she searches to see if this specific guy she was looking for in my vicinity was on there. Now this must have been the time my luck one of his friends have spotted me!! Stupid me!

    So he goes about repeated telling me baby itís ok if you are on there but donít lie to me, he also told me he really doesnít believe me.

    Honest to god Iím not lying but I didnít wanna sound so defensive so I just said Iím not lying and that you are the only one Iím seeing and Iím not on tinder anymore. I mean, he is on one of those work trips and I prefer not to have this talk over msgs.

    We had a wonderful time together the last time we saw each other 5 days ago and I had arranged a very thoughtful bday for him and I, we had Iíd say one of of best dates so far.

    Iím just sad to hear he doesnít believe me and there is not much I can say moreover I am so scared that I have hurt him and he will stop wanting to be together. I know Iím a great catch so is he but yet again Iím so anxious. Pls let me have your inputs.

    Thank you so much

  2. #2
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    OK. So when I was on online sites and met my future husband, I suspended my membership and made my profile invisible and assumed that was enough. I logged on for friends who asked me to check out certain men for them, etc. I told my boyfriend, now husband, that I did this. Not because he didn't trust me but in case one of his friends saw me on line. He was fine with it. He also had an online profile (but it's not how we met) and hadn't been active in forever but would still get "your matches" emails. He and his friend had fun poking fun at who they each got matched with -after awhile I told him it made me uncomfortable since it kind of meant others might see him active on the site so he stopped, no worries.

    On my site, I could no longer view messages although saw that they existed. I also saw that some had viewed my profile which was odd to me. It was months before I realized that despite what I'd done I was still visible, I think, to anyone who had viewed me before I suspended. I think maybe a friend told me I came up in a search -no memory. So I called and had them completely wipe out my profile. Point is, I had no idea, and point is my boyfriend trusted me so had it been an issue -had one of his friends said something - he would have known it was a glitch, not me advertising myself as single.

    Here's the mistake I think you made. I think you needed to tell him that you might log on to help a friend but that you weren't active. I can see a new boyfriend being suspicious of you saying you weren't active and yet technically you're appearing as active to his friends. Tell him you made a mistake in that yes you accessed the app and you can see where it could be confusing. You accessed it fora friend only and you are not active on Tinder or any dating site. Hopefully that will take care of it.

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    Does he believe you now?

    You did nothing wrong.

  4. #4
    Gold Member Johnny Utah's Avatar
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    I think sitting him down and showing your profile is deactivated may help.

    Otherwise this relationship will only work if he trusts you, so a sit down conversation should be had. Don't hide this away or it will creep up later.

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  6. #5
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    Originally Posted by Hollyj
    Does he believe you now?

    You did nothing wrong.
    I don't think she did anything wrong other than not letting him know why she was still accessing Tinder if she'd promised not to - in my experience when couples discuss deactivating or taking down profiles you kind of want to let your partner know if you access it for another reason to avoid this kind of situation.

  7. #6
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    Originally Posted by Batya33
    I don't think she did anything wrong other than not letting him know why she was still accessing Tinder if she'd promised not to - in my experience when couples discuss deactivating or taking down profiles you kind of want to let your partner know if you access it for another reason to avoid this kind of situation.
    I think that that is a good idea.

  8. #7
    Platinum Member ThatwasThen's Avatar
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    I'm wondering if had an exclusivity conversation with him.
    I'm also wondering when is the last time he was on the site? Did you ask him? He said he doesn't mind if you've been on... that would a concern. Why doesn't he mind?
    If you've had an exclusivity talk then why don't you both delete your profiles? If you haven't had the talk then you should have it and decide together to remove your profiles. If he doesn't want to do that, then that would a concern.

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    Yes I totally agree with you. Itís scary when he repeatedly did itís ok.... we havenít had the exclusivity talk but itís kinda under the assumption that we are from spending all weekends together running chores etc... I didnít wanna ask him about his situation at that point cuz I thought itís gonna seem like Iím turning the tables.

  10. #9
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    Originally Posted by ThatwasThen
    I'm wondering if had an exclusivity conversation with him.
    I'm also wondering when is the last time he was on the site? Did you ask him? He said he doesn't mind if you've been on... that would a concern. Why doesn't he mind?
    If you've had an exclusivity talk then why don't you both delete your profiles? If you haven't had the talk then you should have it and decide together to remove your profiles. If he doesn't want to do that, then that would a concern.
    Yes I totally agree with you. Itís scary when he repeatedly did itís ok.... we havenít had the exclusivity talk but itís kinda under the assumption that we are from spending all weekends together running chores etc... I didnít wanna ask him about his situation at that point cuz I thought itís gonna seem like Iím turning the tables

  11. #10
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    Does he believe you now?

    You did nothing wrong

    I havenít seen him he is traveling until another 3 days :(

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