Am I doing this right?

So I was in a long distance relationship. It was tough, but I believed that it’d work.

Couple of weeks before we broke up, I kinda saw him changing, like he wasn’t even trying to make a convo or anything. I was upset, but still I had my hopes up.

Then one day, he suddenly texted me and said he didn’t want to continue with me anymore and this wasn’t working for him. So I accepted that and I left, without any whinning, crying to hold him back.

Well I did cry a lot tho, he wouldn’t know.

A month before that, I did say I wanted to come visit him on my annual leaves, and he was excited about it. We were talking about it.. happily.. and a week before that, I told him I got the visa (because he lives in a different country) and he did know that I had to pay like couple of hundred dollars for it. Well I’m not complaining about the money but he knew that I was serious about coming to see him. Because I got it done as soon as I could.

So the breakup was hard, and I was at work when I received that message, it was tough that I needed to put a smile on my face and tried to get through the day. I did think of going to the bathroom and cry but I knew I’d come out with a red, puffy eyes so I decided not to. And when I hit home that day, I assume you know what happened...

And he messaged me the day or two after and said that he couldn’t believe I didn’t want to talk about anything to him. So I was like what do you want me to do? He said he just wanted to make sure that I was doing okay. So I just said “stop pretending that you care”

He’s been ignoring me the week before that, he’d have ignored me all day and said that he was busy. But no one is too busy to write a text that takes 2 seconds to send! I even said I missed him the day before that happened and he said nothing about it. So I felt like this is kinda bullsh*t that he tried to act like he cares, checking on me after breakup, but he wasn’t even trying while we were together.

And a week after, he called me and said that he wanted me to know that it was hard for him to do this. And he needed a physical relationship, someone who lives closer.

But we both knew what we signed up for at the beginning and you don’t just give up on things because it matters! But anyway, I didn’t see any point to talk to him about it.

He said he wanted to be friends, like close friends. So I said no, I can’t do it.

And the following weeks, he told me that he thought about me everyday and he did shed a few tears.

I didn’t tell him that after I got the visa, I actually booked a one way ticket to his, as a surprise 🙂 but a no longer matters surprise and I guess he did feel guilty after we broke up, so I didn’t let him know, because whats the point? I didn’t want him to feel bad for me.

And I didn’t text him for a month because I was on my vacation, Oh and I did go to the states that he lives in tho, because I’ve already booked the tickets and I think sometimes its better to face it then to hide, not because we broke up and I’d never want to step into that states?? By the way I was in a different city tho. And we haven’t talked in weeks, I guess it should end like this.

I’m not giving him the silent treatment as a punishment. Me, personally, I’m the type of person who is gonna give everything Iv got, I’ll give it my all, so when it didn’t turn out well, I got hurt, and I felt worthless. I guess I only could blame myself for that?? So when it ends, because I’ve given my best, I have nothing to regret or even want to hold anyone back, I usually just let them go, and let it end, and I don’t talk to them after all.

But am I doing it right tho??

Wow. All I can say is well done for being SO strong. I could never have done what you done, but you knew what was best for you.

How are you holding up now and how long ago did you originally break up etc? You should honestly feel so so proud of yourself for cutting contact and walking away like you did. Do you feel like it was the right thing to do? May I ask how long you were together?

No, please do not feel guilty for giving him the silent treatment, he cannot and I repeat cannot expect you to still have contact after he ends it. Anyone who ends a relationship and expects a friendship straight away are just plain selfish. The way you've handled it is rare and he should respect you for that.

@Kimbles1215

We broke up about three months ago. Well I’m still hurting to be honest, but I’ll survive.

I somehow feel like this is and isn’t the right thing at the same time. I admitted that I did have my hope that we would get back together at some points if I keep talking to him, but like would he fall for me again? Or its just because he’s feeling sorry?? And if it didn’t work now, why would it later??

So I told myself do not let him in again, stay away from him and remain distant.

Well, first of all, online relationships are proxy relationships. They're not real. They're for people who are either hiding something or they're afraid of real relationships.

What happens most of the time is either the guy or a girl finds a real, flesh and blood date. And then they don't have the time to spend a lot of time in an online romance, so they end it, but usually still want to be friends so they have somebody to complain to.

In this case, learn a lesson. Don't engage in any online relationships. They don't work out, and the farther away you are, and the less you see each other, the higher the rate of failure. Take it for what it was, a bloodless relationship.

Don't give him the silent treatment. Block him on everything so you won't hear from him again. You can't heal if you let him keep contacting you. Move on and find somebody real. Look around and see if there's a cute guy around to date.

@DanZee

First of all let me say, we are from the same areas, he went overseas for work. So it wasn’t an online relationship 🙂

And true that he might have found someone there. Well, it happens you know.

Good for you.

Going complete NC is the best way to heal. I suggest blocking if you think he will reach out.