Offended

Ugh. Here I go again letting my feelings get the best of me. My husband’s cousin (who is supposed to be my friend) is constantly talking negatively about my job (I’m a teacher). She CONSTANTLY makes comments like “ugh, I would hate to be a teacher” “I don’t know why you would want to spend all day with other people’s kids” “teachers barely get paid to do that ty job” “school sucks, I can’t wait for summer” “I feel bad for my kids that they have to go to that hell hole every day”

I’m getting annoyed to the point that I don’t want to be around her. It’s really bothering me and making me feel like a failure. Why am I letting her control my emotions like this?? 😢

Ugh. Here I go again letting my feelings get the best of me. My husband’s cousin (who is supposed to be my friend) is constantly talking negatively about my job (I’m a teacher). She CONSTANTLY makes comments like “ugh, I would hate to be a teacher” “I don’t know why you would want to spend all day with other people’s kids” “teachers barely get paid to do that ty job” “school sucks, I can’t wait for summer” “I feel bad for my kids that they have to go to that hell hole every day”

I’m getting annoyed to the point that I don’t want to be around her. It’s really bothering me and making me feel like a failure. Why am I letting her control my emotions like this?? 😢

Just don’t be around her. And it will be too bad for her kids because most likely they won’t even get out of high school with that attitude .

Well...I mean she is certainly free to feel how she feels, but what does that have to do with you? Why are you taking her emotions and feelings and making it your own? They are her feelings, she is entitled to them....buuuut why are you choosing to react negatively to that? You could actually look at it as a compliment as in you are some kind of a super human hero person for doing what she perceives as such a difficult job....and I mean it is and you are great at it.

Just pull an Emily Post. When she starts talking about your job, ask her if she'd like a cookie. Or ask her how her job is doing. Just change the subject or just don't say anything. I don't see why a cousin you're only related to by marriage would make you feel like a failure, especially with the pay you can eventually get with a few years' seniority! A lot of people think teachers are heroes, so don't let her rattle you.

Just say "well, I love my job. If you want to complain about teachers, you have the right to do that, but I am tired of listening to it, so is there something else you would like to talk about?"

Yeah, my first impression was, while she does she admittedly does sound annoying, it's more of a, "I don't know how you do it" as a credit rather than a dig. And, to her credit, griping is pretty much a national past-time for teachers (not saying it's undeserved), and the plights of teachers overcoming adversity in the form of being overworked and underpaid isn't exactly a secret either (especially now with the recent strikes), so it could just be her own obnoxious way of trying to empathize. Have you ever complained about your work around her?

In any case, I can understand finding her annoying, but I think you're taking it too personally if you're taking actual offense. Not sure if you've tried, but maybe next time she says something, you can say, "Yeah, it can be rough, but... [insert x, y, and z that's rewarding]." Or change the subject.

You also really don't have to be friends with her she bugs you so much.

It could be her (admittedly insensitive) way of empathizing. Here's how I would counter her comments:

“ugh, I would hate to be a teacher”

....It's a great job! I love it and wouldn't trade it for anything.

“I don’t know why you would want to spend all day with other people’s kids”

....Because I'm not a jerkface like you are. KIDDING...my real comment would be:

...Someone has to do it, and I'm glad that someone is me.

“teachers barely get paid to do that ty job”

...Good thing I do it to nurture young minds.

“school sucks, I can’t wait for summer”

...Are you guys going somewhere this summer? I want to go to Atlantic City. Ever been there?

“I feel bad for my kids that they have to go to that hell hole every day”

...Getting an education is always a positive thing, and I for one love going to that hell hole.

And if this person continues to be so negative about what you are choosing to do with your career and life, I'd just ignore her. She's obviously got some issues that is not your problem; her words reflect on herself, not you.

I would literally just say "well that's why I'm the teacher and not you."

Gets the point across, quick and easy.

Have you told her how you feel?

Oh my gosh, I cannot stand people who do this. I have a neighbor who always did this to me, about my job, and I simply stopped talking to her, other than the obligatory wave during a drive-by, years ago. She would say "You should change your job to X. It would be more challenging. You should change to Y. You'd make more money". Etc. Ugh...she has absolutely no idea how much money I make, or how much I enjoy my job.

All the suggestions above are great. My favorite would be a blank stare. A literal, blank stare.

I would literally just say "well that's why I'm the teacher and not you."

 

Gets the point across, quick and easy.

That is exactly what I would say.

You need to nip this backhanded nonsense in the bud immediately. That means stick it to her face for example: "It sounds like you have something against [teachers, school, whatever] why is that?" She's not controlling your emotions, you are by allowing this to go unchecked and not calling her on it, as you should..

I’m getting annoyed to the point that I don’t want to be around her. It’s really bothering me and making me feel like a failure.

I am a high school teacher in a large urban public city high school. The classroom is one of the only places (besides home) where I am happy and feel no anxiety. (I have general anxiety disorder).

It is the ADULTS in charge who drive me nuts. I love my job. Been teaching high school for over 20 years with great success. It won't make me wealthy, but teaching is such a rewarding job to me.

You have So Many issues with them. Why hang out constantly?

My husband’s cousin (who is supposed to be my friend) is constantly talking negatively about my job