Bf of a year didnt invite me to his sisters wedding... thoughts

Yeah my boyfriend didnt invite me to his sisters wedding and we’ve been dating a hear. Ive also meet his family before so that wasnt an issue. His reasoning was that it would have been to didficult to organise.

Not sure what to think and just want some opinions/advice thanks

Is he in the wedding party? Yeah that would be a huge hassle to attend to that and have a guest. Also did he get a plus one invite? Some families don't do that because of budget. Some families don't want people in pics who aren't family (engaged or married). Don't take it personally. Just enjoy the time with your friends.

His reasoning was that it would have been to didficult to organise.

actually i have no idea how weddings work so....... look at wisemans post

His ex is attending?

He was the best ma. And he was allowed a plus one, his sister was happy for me to come but he said it would have been too difficult to organise

Holy cow, Best Man that's a job with lots of responsibilities; I can't exactly blame him much on wanting to simplify .

Well that does make sense......he has duties to attend to, so wouldn't really have time to be with you. It sucks but there will be other weddings.....maybe yours! lol

Do you want to go to watch him stand at the wedding and sit with the rest of the wedding party at the reception? Not to mention off to the side while he's handling whatever duties in the day(s) prior to the wedding itself?

Putting myself in your shoes, it's not really a situation I'd care to be in after only a year. Maybe after years of establishing rapport with his family and friends where I could organically mesh without essentially being babysat. Puts him, his family / friends, as well as you in what many would consider an awkward position.

Take the time to enjoy yourself and try not to take it personally. Speaking from a general guy's perspective, he's going to be proud of his brother and looking forward to the cocktails after all the stress and rush of his wedding duties, not getting butterflies while you're not around.

You need to determine if, in light of other positives (if there are any) in your relationship, this is the hill to die on.

I don’t think dating a year is enough information about your relationship. Different relationships are at different stages after a year.

Realistically, as best man, he would be busy before the ceremony getting ready with the guys and attending to the needs of the groom - so he wouldn’t have time to pay attention to you (and it would be rude and irresponsible of him if he did). They likely have transportation to the venue together - so you would need to find your own way there. At the wedding himself, he would be busy with wedding stuff - so you would be sitting alone. After the wedding, he would be busy with pictures and stuff - needing to pay attention to the couple’s needs - again no time to spend with you and you would likely not be invited into the pictures. At the reception, again, he’s “working” and sitting at the head table. You would need to eat alone. It’s really only after dinner that things die down and he’d be able to say “hello”.

You say you’ve met his family. Have you just met them? Or do you KNOW them? As in, know them enough to comfortably spend a day with them without your boyfriend - because that’s what this would be.

If you are well-integrated with the family and extremely independent where none of the above would bother you (or anyone else) - maybe I would be offended. If you haven’t spent tons of time with his family or spent holidays together (Christmas, Easter, etc) and it would be even slightly uncomfortable for you or for them to hang out all day alone and eat with them, etc - he’s just being practical. He’s there to work, not socialize. Would you really have been ok with him basically ignoring you all day? Because that’s what it would have been - out of necessity.

I've been invited and attended to over 5 weddings of the guy I had only been dating for a few months several times. And they were in the wedding party. Considering you know the family, I would take that as a total diss. I've been a bridesmaid, and had plenty of time to party with others. I don't buy his excuse. He may not see you as a permanent fixture in his life. To miss his own sister's wedding if you might be family one day??? Nope.

Well....I don't know. To me it is a bit odd that he is not inviting you to come.

Yes, he is going to be busy during the actual ceremonies and formal parts of the wedding, but I mean....surely you are adult enough that you can fend for yourself along with all the other wedding guests and other SO's of the wedding party. After the formal events are over, the real fun and the real party starts and then people are totally free to move around, mingle, dance, drink, socialize, have fun, etc.

I've been the maid of honor as well as part of the wedding party quite a few times and it never even occurred to me to exclude my SO on those grounds. Granted I did give him the option to bow out of it if he wants, but he went, fended for himself when needed and we always had a great time overall. During dinner, not like the SO's sit isolated alone in some dark corner. People are all seated at tables in groups - chatting, interacting and having fun.

Truly the only thing I can think of is if you tend to be needy and high maintenance and will have some kind of a tantrum that you didn't get enough attention.....but then...you have bigger issues in your relationship than this wedding.

You might want to ask him what the deal really is with him. Usually, it doesn't bode well when you are being excluded as his long term gf.

Truly the only thing I can think of is if you tend to be needy and high maintenance and will have some kind of a tantrum that you didn't get enough attention..

I think this is an important point--OP, you are going to have to be cool with being left to your own devices for pretty much 95% of the duration of the event and not complain or get angry with your boyfriend because he didn't spend enough time with you there to your satisfaction. His family is going to be preoccupied with entertaining their extended families--on both sides.

His reluctance to bring you could actually boil down to him not being ready for the extended family being up in his business... So how solid and on track is your relationship? Are there any issues over which your boyfriend and you are struggling and could have contributed to the decision he made?

My brother did not bring a date to my youngest sister's wedding. Why? He dated a young woman for two years and they broke it off. They didn't see eachother for a year or two, and they got back together 4 months before the wedding and he wasn't sure if he wanted to get really serious again. He visited with family from out of town and also she was kind of high maintenance and he didn't want her muscling into wedding photos like she was the sister-in-law. He felt he would have to babysit her and i didn't really know how to take her since they had a bad breakup prior....

OP, what did he mean when he said it would be difficult to organize your attendance?

As far as I know, it is usually the bride and groom who decide who to invite to the wedding and then the bride sends out invitations. It is not your boyfriend's place to invite someone to his sister's wedding (even if you are his girlfriend), imo.

As far as I know, it is usually the bride and groom who decide who to invite to the wedding and then the bride sends out invitations. It is not your boyfriend's place to invite someone to his sister's wedding (even if you are his girlfriend), imo.

I believe OP said the invite allowed for a plus 1 (which would be her) but he didn't want to bring her (for the reasons he told her).

Yeah, my guess is that "I've met his family before" means very little in terms of familiarity, or at least not with the sister, so I doubt she's gonna be sending her anything (its own consideration if he essentially would be dumping her on his family while he takes care of best man stuff and them their own pre-wedding stuff). Everyone I'm sending an invite to for my wedding is welcome to bring a +1, but I won't be sending them an individual invitation.

Is he in the wedding party? Yeah that would be a huge hassle to attend to that and have a guest. Also did he get a plus one invite? Some families don't do that because of budget. Some families don't want people in pics who aren't family (engaged or married). Don't take it personally.

Ok, this is not correct advice. And this is coming from someone who is already married, has been maid/matron of honor (while pregnant) and a bridesmaid, and had her husband (boyfriend at the time) be the best man.

You are in a relationship. And if you are an adult, a relationship is considered a social unit. You are not a “plus one” (who is a casual date, friend or sibling) - you are a significant other. By etiquette, you should be invited. And especially if you are the girlfriend of a bridal party member, you are invited to both the wedding AND rehearsal dinner.

Budget is a poor excuse to not invite someone. It shows lack of money management on the host’s side. If you are having a party and invite people, then you need to include SOs of your guests - especially if it’s people from the wedding party. Weddings are not an exception to this rule. You don’t have to be in pictures either (you can opt out), and saying such like “I don’t want pictures ruined” is a terrible excuse not to invite someone.

actually i have no idea how weddings work so....... look at wisemans post.

So if you have nothing to contribute to this thread or don’t have knowledge of these things, then why bother posting at all? Just lurk.

He was the best ma. And he was allowed a plus one, his sister was happy for me to come but he said it would have been too difficult to organise.

So the bride isn’t at fault here - it’s your boyfriend. I would not be happy with him at all on the decision if I were in your position and would express disappointment as Tattoobunny pointed out, but unfortunately you have no say in the matter. It falls on him, but he rest assured that it wasn’t his sister who slighted you. His reason doesn’t make any sense though.

Holy cow, Best Man that's a job with lots of responsibilities; I can't exactly blame him much on wanting to simplify.

What “responsibilities?” It’s not his party to plan except for the bachelor party. Bridal party members are not servants or to be treated as the bride/groom’s beckon call. Their only job at a wedding is to show up in the appropriate attire, walk down the aisle and stand for pictures. That’s it. She doesn’t get to sit with him during the ceremony (not a big deal), but she does get to spend time with him during the reception. This really isn’t difficult to understand or “organize.” He’s just an honored guest, nothing more.

Realistically, as best man, he would be busy before the ceremony getting ready with the guys and attending to the needs of the groom - so he wouldn’t have time to pay attention to you (and it would be rude and irresponsible of him if he did). They likely have transportation to the venue together - so you would need to find your own way there. At the wedding himself, he would be busy with wedding stuff - so you would be sitting alone. After the wedding, he would be busy with pictures and stuff - needing to pay attention to the couple’s needs - again no time to spend with you and you would likely not be invited into the pictures. At the reception, again, he’s “working” and sitting at the head table. You would need to eat alone. It’s really only after dinner that things die down and he’d be able to say “hello”.

Only half of this the true (the first part). The OP could mingle with family or any other friends that she knows that are coming before the wedding or during photo taking (which takes an hour depending on the photographer). Most weddings nowadays do not do head tables anymore - they opt for “sweetheart” table so that bridal party members could sit and eat with their SO’s. Out of the five weddings where my husband or I have been bridal party members, only one of them did a head table (and that couple divorced in five years LOL). Couples who do head tables just want a grand show which is unnecessary and sometimes frowned upon. That tradition was cool back in the 1980’s but it’s very outdated. You do “need” your bridal party to sit with you in order to eat (in fact I was happy to have my sweetheart table with my husband during the reception so that we could have small talk between the two of us for a brief moment).

And no, bridal party members are not “working.” They are NOT servants and should not be expected to perform anymore duties once the ceremony is over.

OP's guy doesn't want to her come with him and she can't very well invite herself to make a point. That's that bottom line. Everything else is a distraction.

He may very well be so busy that he can't spend any time with her and she'd be left on her own.

But, not including her is probably more insulting than having had her join him and be ignored.

He could have invited her and given her the option, knowing all the circumstances

Instead he'd rather risk offending her. It seems a little odd.

My son is getting married this year and I am bringing my bf. He's been forewarned that he'll likely have to entertain himself. I can't imagine not including him because `it's difficult to organize?'

Besides, I wouldn't risk hurting him like that if I have the choice not to.

In a nut-shell - Its a bad sign he didn't invite you to the wedding. If "organization" is the excuse, then what would he be like at other events or other things that go wrong in life. Sorry.

I really doubt your BF thought out all of the ramifications brought up here. I also doubt he wanted to insult you.

Maybe you just skip being offended and sit this one out?

BUT watch how you two interact. If he is wont to have you not go to social events that are less formal, then you may have something there to be worried about. For example, a baseball game or a concert.

A year doesn't say a lot about a relationship. Have you talked about a future together? Or are you still just dating and hanging at each other's place etc?

I'm just glad I was single at my brother's wedding. Bringing a bf to a wedding means it's official in my culture and by official I mean they'd be asking me when is our wedding date. Would not like to hear that if I haven't discussed it with my SO. You've met his family, but have you met his extended family? Just giving another view, it might be too big of an event for his cultural background or whatever.

If you've talked about marriage,kids, moving in together and so on, I'd see it as a bad sign. If not, don't sweat it. I don't like his excuse though, but he might just not want to say "if we go together it means we're getting married too". Again, from my experience due to another culture.

Bringing a bf to a wedding means it's official in my culture and by official I mean they'd be asking me when is our wedding date.

^^ exactly my point further up in the thread.

He might not be ready to have to explain OP to extended family because he might not be thinking in that direction, despite what he's telling her.

Actions bear out how someone is thinking.