Rejected after first date...now what?

Went out on a date with a guy that I met online. It went really well, at least from what I'd gathered. He kept extending the date longer and longer, kissed me before I went home...

After a few days of not hearing anything I texted him letting him know that I really enjoyed our date and would like to see him again. His response was that he enjoyed it too but didn't see a future for us.

I'm a bit crushed, but not sure if this is really the end. The has been an occasion where I have been the one to decline a second date, only to change my mind. One of my most meaningful relationships started out this way actually, I'd rejected the guy, he tried again about a week later, and I figured, you know what, I'll give him a second change. He became someone I fell in love with and had a hard time getting over when it ended.

I don't know what to do about this now. Do I give it time? Do I try again in a little bit? I would never in a million years be asking this if I hadn't given someone else a second chance.

No, I would not try again in a little bit. You will know if he changes his mind, so your job here is done.

Sorry for your disappointment. Unfortunately no matter how well a first meet goes, there are a lot of one-and-done. Often it has nothing to do with you because people are multidating. Just accept it and keep moving forward setting up meets and soon you'll find someone where there is mutual interest.

After a few days of not hearing anything I texted him letting him know that I really enjoyed our date and would like to see him again. His response was that he enjoyed it too but didn't see a future for us.

If you do decide to contact him again in hope of changing his mind, tread carefully.

He was pretty clear that he did not see a future between you two. Persistence may change that to seeing a future between some sheets, but if you wanted something beyond getting laid, then I think you need to look elsewhere.

I'd take no for an answer.

I'd have a hard time respecting someone I'd rejected only for them to hit me back a week later with a, "so.... are you sure??" Also, speaking from a purely pragmatic and admittedly generalized perspective, it's a bit easier to extend a lukewarm or mildly uninterested second chance when it's 50/50 you'll be expected to pay half or none as opposed to half or all. Not necessarily a complaint or saying you're not the type to pay your own way, just to further support why further effort may not turn out lucrative.

It was a swing and a miss. Plenty of fish in the sea.

He said he doesnt see a future with you, so you need to back off and let it go.

Ya I was thinking the one and done....he prob was just hoping you wanted to hookup for the night and it didn't happen. That would explain why he made an effort to extend the date.

Walk away, it was a nice time but nothing was there and you can't force it.

Conversely he could have been extending the date to see if there was something relationship wise to be had. I've done it, because she was really nice and pleasant to talk with and I enjoyed her company; I wanted extra time to see if there was a spark between us. Unfortunately there wasn't; I reflected after the date and let her know we just weren't a fit. I felt terrible, but I needed more information. So OP I think he just needed more data.

Ya I was thinking the one and done....he prob was just hoping you wanted to hookup for the night and it didn't happen. That would explain why he made an effort to extend the date.

Yup, I second this.

Women tend to change their minds much more often than men. Men go by sexual chemistry that they either feel or they don't (and yes it's mostly looks based). When they do feel it, they can overlook almost any personality flaw. When they don't, it's done.

Another one for the done group. Sadly it takes two and he made it clear. Unless you run into each other by total accident, leave it alone.

 

I don't know what to do about this now. Do I give it time? Do I try again in a little bit? I would never in a million years be asking this if I hadn't given someone else a second chance.

One thing I have learned while on my journey to find peace and harmony with a man (long journey! lol) is to take what he says and does at face value, and not assume (or even consider) that he may behave, react, respond a certain way just because that is how I would.

Men's brains are wired differently (yin and yang) and while it's possible he may re-consider, I wouldn't count on it.

And IF he does reconsider, let him be the one to reach out to you.

In the meantime, you should be done, and continue meeting and dating other men.

Woo! You came across a good one! (Even if it wasn’t a match)

- he didn’t ghost you

- he didn’t try to turn it into a booty call

- he respectfully explained what the problem was (there’s just no future there)

I think you should show him the same maturity and respect of thanking him for being a decent human being (lol!) and accepting his answer.

Not everyone can be a match for everyone. It happens. Maybe he just prefers blondes or brunettes or people who play tennis - and he thought he’d give it a shot - but just wasn’t feeling it.

There will be lots of dates that don’t work out. No harm. Appreciate that this one was at least a positive experience! Next!

 

After a few days of not hearing anything I texted him letting him know that I really enjoyed our date and would like to see him again.

 

His response was that he enjoyed it too but didn't see a future for us.

I so much agree with RedDress and commend him on respectfully replying back and explaining rather than choosing to ignore you, and let you anxiously wonder if you would ever hear from him again!

There was a big discussion on another thread about this (topic was ghosting) and there were some who believed that him ignoring your text after only one date (had he chosen to do that) was perfectly fine and acceptable, if he did not wish to proceed further.

Needless to say, I did NOT agree, and I wonder, how would you have felt if he had chosen to simply ignore it?

Responding back, even if to say he didn't wish to pursue further, was the respectful and responsible thing to do!

If you want (and have had men do this with me), you can text back thanking him for his response and if he ever changes his mind, to give you a shout (in your own words of course).

Move on to the next one. If after one date he says he doesn't see a future, there's usually a reason and don't be the girl that expresses willingness to accept anything or to be cool wih him coming back. It's quite desperate (if a guy did it that way if view it that way) so you gotta remember you're a quality girl who wouldn't let one date affect her at all.

There is a difference between declining a date and declining a date saying "i don't see a future/i wasn't feeling it"

Why would you want to pursue someone who is not into you?

His response was that he enjoyed it too but didn't see a future for us.

 

I don't know what to do about this now. Do I give it time? Do I try again in a little bit?

You do nothing. No need to give it time - he's told you straight up he doesn't see a future with you. This means .... "sorry, but I am not really into you". You have your answer. Please learn to accept it and move on with your dignity in tact.

Your basing your future relationships on past experiences from YOU! You give an example where you changed your mind. That's good for you BUT that other person is not you and he may not change his mind at all.

He might of liked you enough to kiss you but not enough to date you. This is why its important for people to take their time with dating because some would have slept together by now. The best idea is to move forward and to keep looking.

At least he have the decency to be honest, now imagine if he played you or just ghosted on you??

He was clear, there is nothing you can do but to move on, any attempt to change that and you’ll appear needy and desperate.