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Thread: Faith Commitment Action

  1. #561
    Platinum Member IAmFCA's Avatar
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    Thinking about this has been helpful. Its good to feel what it is I want to protect -- which is part of the equation - and to identify what feels a bit reckless.

  2. #562
    Platinum Member IAmFCA's Avatar
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    Guiding principal : I attract what I am. Be what I want to attract to my life.

  3. #563
    Platinum Member IAmFCA's Avatar
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    Speaking out loud what I have been ashamed to say, which is: sex? Meh. We get it done.

    I readily admit I have been treated to some off the charts atypical excellence in this department. I do expect it to improve. In a world of comparisons, it will likely never be my best, or even second best. But it might be wonderful as we grow in our knowledge and emotion and also in our own paths of fitness and personal.expression (through work and the arts).

    Walk in the door, feel overcome by lust, and indulge in the power of that force? Nope. Not yet. I miss that, I do.

    The man I wrote of last week.... that is the danger of his existence. Every time, that incredible passion exists. Other people have felt it between us, its been that way since the day we met. He offers perfect, loving, passionate, intimate gratification, perfectly matched and deftly delivered. His desire for me and mine for him has never waned, and we exist in the context of a loyal friendship, with NSA terms. I simply can not go there; it leaves a high water mark other situations don't reach. We are not well suited for an LTR. The passion though. Its the stuff of cheap novels and soft core porn.

    Sex is not the most important factor. True. Also true, I want better sex. There, I said it. I do expect we will find it. Its not here yet.

  4. #564
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    "From the day we met" - you make it sound like a long term thing -didn't you meet him recently?

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  6. #565
    Platinum Member bluecastle's Avatar
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    I have to ask, and forgive me if this is blunt, but: Do you believe what you're writing, or are you trying to convince yourself of something?

    I have a lot of thoughts on this subject matter, and your post in particular, but I'll wade into the waters with that splash.

  7. #566
    Platinum Member IAmFCA's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Batya33
    "From the day we met" - you make it sound like a long term thing -didn't you meet him recently?
    The friendwith whom I can have such passion? We met years ago.

  8. #567
    Platinum Member IAmFCA's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by bluecastle
    I have to ask, and forgive me if this is blunt, but: Do you believe what you're writing, or are you trying to convince yourself of something?

    I have a lot of thoughts on this subject matter, and your post in particular, but I'll wade into the waters with that splash.
    Sex isn't everything... yep. tested that and found its not enough
    That its just Meh ... yep. Attracted, for sure. It's just not all that. its just not.

    Do I want new guy to be in shape? You betcha. Gotta wait that one out.

    Do I want the sexy friend as a bf? No, I don't. Lots of reasons.

  9. #568
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    Originally Posted by IAmFCA
    The friendwith whom I can have such passion? We met years ago.
    The current guy you are dating -right? I thought you were referring to the guy you just started dating - and whether you knew him for a long time before is very different from choosing to date/potential for the long term romantic relationship IMO.

  10. #569
    Platinum Member bluecastle's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by IAmFCA
    Sex isn't everything...
    Okay, herewith some thoughts.

    I've lived enough, walked around enough proverbial blocks, to have also learned that sex is not everything. But that same journey? It's taught me that love is not everything, either, nor is intellectual acumen. Or a rabid sense of adventure. Or a curious and compassionate nature. Or kindness. Or cleanliness, a passion for civil rights and environmental protection, or ambition and financial solvency.

    But all of the above? They are something, pieces that can add up to everything, or something that feels enough like everything to exhale. Speaking for myself? They are all pretty critical, and fortunately those walks around all those blocks have given me (a) an idea of just how important and (b) a belief that they are not things I want to devote much energy to "working on," because I'm not sure I believe that work can be genuine or should be part of the fission of early connectivity.

    Again, just me being me here, but I've always found it interesting that sex seems to be one of the biggest things adults are willing to compromise over, even minimize, when it comes to early romance. When we're young, before we're sexually active, few things are more mature, more adult, than the idea of having sex. Then we get naked with some people, have some orgasms in the gray zone, suffer some emotional whiplash, and an emphasis on sex becomes seen as immature, childlike, even borderline sinful, at least if it's seen as a make-or-break component to taking someone seriously romantically.

    I've explored dating people, for instance, with whom my intellectual connection is on fire, but a zillion other factors limited the ability for the fire we made together to warm us properly. Takeaway? Well, it wasn't that I should be patient with the next person who was less fiery intellectually, to see if I can access my mature self in coaxing a Heidegger-level connection out of someone who is, say, very kind and terrific in bed, but seems pretty content with talking about hamburgers, or challenging myself to accept that Heidegger isn't "everything," but just a dead German existential philosopher. It was that I needed that intellectual fire and some other things, and so I was grateful that Woman X revealed to me and further clarified a piece of my ever-mysterious everything puzzle.

    I'm being a tad flip, yeah. Guess I'm saying that I've had some pretty hot entanglements over the years of the sort you're describing with your friend: women who are not right for me, nor I them, but heat is heat, and a saucy bonfire we can make with metronomic reliability. Anyone I commit to romantically? We will be hotter than that. We will be many other things too, but we will be that. No compromising. Why? Because I know I'm incapable of giving myself to someone, as I'd like to, if anywhere in the back of my mind I'm wistful for a higher watermark. Would be inauthentic for me to try to trick myself into believing it could be another way. I've tried.

    That's not to imply that I'm sex maniac or an intellectual maniac. I like to watch TV, laugh about dumb things, and all in all I seek someone around whom I can feel very calm while being thrilled by the way they engage with the business of being alive, and being themselves. I don't need soft core porn 24/7 or, well, anything 24/7. But those things, among others? I need to know they're there, for real, not just in my imagination, and I do believe we get that information about people pretty quickly and it's up to us to be honest about how that information is landing.

    Lots of words, per usual, to say: be honest about where you're thirsty, and what's needed to quench it, so those high watermarks out there in the world are just that—impressions from the past, demagnetized by the present.

  11. #570
    Platinum Member IAmFCA's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by bluecastle
    Okay, herewith some thoughts.

    I've lived enough, walked around enough proverbial blocks, to have also learned that sex is not everything. But that same journey? It's taught me that love is not everything, either, nor is intellectual acumen. Or a rabid sense of adventure. Or a curious and compassionate nature. Or kindness. Or cleanliness, a passion for civil rights and environmental protection, or ambition and financial solvency.

    But all of the above? They are something, pieces that can add up to everything, or something that feels enough like everything to exhale. Speaking for myself? They are all pretty critical, and fortunately those walks around all those blocks have given me (a) an idea of just how important and (b) a belief that they are not things I want to devote much energy to "working on," because I'm not sure I believe that work can be genuine or should be part of the fission of early connectivity.

    Again, just me being me here, but I've always found it interesting that sex seems to be one of the biggest things adults are willing to compromise over, even minimize, when it comes to early romance. When we're young, before we're sexually active, few things are more mature, more adult, than the idea of having sex. Then we get naked with some people, have some orgasms in the gray zone, suffer some emotional whiplash, and an emphasis on sex becomes seen as immature, childlike, even borderline sinful, at least if it's seen as a make-or-break component to taking someone seriously romantically.

    I've explored dating people, for instance, with whom my intellectual connection is on fire, but a zillion other factors limited the ability for the fire we made together to warm us properly. Takeaway? Well, it wasn't that I should be patient with the next person who was less fiery intellectually, to see if I can access my mature self in coaxing a Heidegger-level connection out of someone who is, say, very kind and terrific in bed, but seems pretty content with talking about hamburgers, or challenging myself to accept that Heidegger isn't "everything," but just a dead German existential philosopher. It was that I needed that intellectual fire and some other things, and so I was grateful that Woman X revealed to me and further clarified a piece of my ever-mysterious everything puzzle.

    I'm being a tad flip, yeah. Guess I'm saying that I've had some pretty hot entanglements over the years of the sort you're describing with your friend: women who are not right for me, nor I them, but heat is heat, and a saucy bonfire we can make with metronomic reliability. Anyone I commit to romantically? We will be hotter than that. We will be many other things too, but we will be that. No compromising. Why? Because I know I'm incapable of giving myself to someone, as I'd like to, if anywhere in the back of my mind I'm wistful for a higher watermark. Would be inauthentic for me to try to trick myself into believing it could be another way. I've tried.

    That's not to imply that I'm sex maniac or an intellectual maniac. I like to watch TV, laugh about dumb things, and all in all I seek someone around whom I can feel very calm while being thrilled by the way they engage with the business of being alive, and being themselves. I don't need soft core porn 24/7 or, well, anything 24/7. But those things, among others? I need to know they're there, for real, not just in my imagination, and I do believe we get that information about people pretty quickly and it's up to us to be honest about how that information is landing.

    Lots of words, per usual, to say: be honest about where you're thirsty, and what's needed to quench it, so those high watermarks out there in the world are just that—impressions from the past, demagnetized by the present.
    I hear you loud and clear.

    Following my instincts here, and words likely insufficient in the short moment I have... yet moved to say a little bit.

    Yes, I agree with you. Agree isn't the right word.

    At the same time -- had a great LTR with a deeply satisfying sexual aspect - with someone who had some very real limitations.

    My instincts tell me there is more to this adventure than what I have experienced to date.

    And yeah, if there never is more well then we gotta problem.

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