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Thread: Faith Commitment Action

  1. #541
    Platinum Member IAmFCA's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Batya33
    Sounds like a fun and great weekend!
    It was! Yay!

  2. #542
    Platinum Member IAmFCA's Avatar
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    the beginning is so fun

  3. #543
    Platinum Member IAmFCA's Avatar
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    Another great weekend.

  4. #544
    Platinum Member IAmFCA's Avatar
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    My daughters are, generally speaking, supportive of me making a new friend. I am enjoying someone who readily says "Sure I want to be alpha" and can do that without minimizing me, in fact seeking out opportunities to follow my direction. Entirely unfazed by my strength and his weakness -- but potentially would run from my weaknesses and is shoring up his weaknesses so that I won't run from his.

    We talked about a travel plan. So what happened next? He called to arrange logistics. Nothing sits stagnant.

    He cries. He carries anything I carry, my bag, anything. He pays, I can not pay. I try. He drives. He walks, he talks. We walked 5 miles, had conversation, got a snack, ended the day. Nothing but us on a walk. When does he cry? All the time. Stories about kids, parents. Movies. Work people, friends, strangers, airplanes... no matter. He cries.

    I feel like in that way he is an example of the stereotype of what women want, which is not how it feels because he is a person to me and not a symbol... but it cracks me up to describe it. Some big burly dude who is all about being the "man" and who cries.

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  6. #545
    Platinum Member IAmFCA's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by IAmFCA
    My daughters are, generally speaking, supportive of me making a new friend. I am enjoying someone who readily says "Sure I want to be alpha" and can do that without minimizing me, in fact seeking out opportunities to follow my direction. Entirely unfazed by my strength and his weakness -- but potentially would run from my weaknesses and is shoring up his weaknesses so that I won't run from his.

    We talked about a travel plan. So what happened next? He called to arrange logistics. Nothing sits stagnant.

    He cries. He carries anything I carry, my bag, anything. He pays, I can not pay. I try. He drives. He walks, he talks. We walked 5 miles, had conversation, got a snack, ended the day. Nothing but us on a walk. When does he cry? All the time. Stories about kids, parents. Movies. Work people, friends, strangers, airplanes... no matter. He cries.

    I feel like in that way he is an example of the stereotype of what women want, which is not how it feels because he is a person to me and not a symbol... but it cracks me up to describe it. Some big burly dude who is all about being the "man" and who cries.
    Postus interruptus.

    Putting a little context around that alpha comment -- he asked to travel somewhere familiar to me and not him. I was sensitive to taking the lead on agenda, activities. He enjoys making a plan and carrying it out, and I backed off a bit so that he could step up, and said so. (Yay me, I was explicit with my thoughts!) This led to alpha comment... he is starting a new business, he is definitely comfortable and desirous of setting the agenda. I have said before that I "need" an entrepreneurial mate, and he is one. He gets me when I say I am making this meeting or that one.He knows I meet with men all day long. He gets disgusted by chauvinist behavior.

    Was he always like this? Highly doubtful. He says he was too directive. I guess he was less principled.

    I wasn't always like myself now, either.

    I think perhaps he loves himself. It is the coolest trait.

    Anyway. Talking because its fun to enjoy the beginning.

  7. #546
    Platinum Member IAmFCA's Avatar
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    Telltale sign of selfishness within me, and a bit of recovery rebound

    Am out of town for extended work travel. Am in the vicinity of a peculiar NSA friendship that always has had sexual elements, and sometimes we indulge our attraction. We have loved each other, hurt each other, trusted each other, watched each other couple up... for a decade-ish. Today we had a drink, we had a smooch.

    I wouldn't have wanted my man at home to behave this way. I was looking forward to seeing this old friend of mine, I was looking forward to the whole array of selfish fun: the joy of seeing a friend, the thrill of raw attraction, the pleasure of the smash face.

    Part of my ability to do enjoy today is derivative of my last relationship. He was determined to love me, since 2004. ! And then he flaked. I am feeling overdue for some indulgent me time.


    Note to self to get straight.

  8. #547
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    Originally Posted by IAmFCA
    Telltale sign of selfishness within me, and a bit of recovery rebound

    Am out of town for extended work travel. Am in the vicinity of a peculiar NSA friendship that always has had sexual elements, and sometimes we indulge our attraction. We have loved each other, hurt each other, trusted each other, watched each other couple up... for a decade-ish. Today we had a drink, we had a smooch.

    I wouldn't have wanted my man at home to behave this way. I was looking forward to seeing this old friend of mine, I was looking forward to the whole array of selfish fun: the joy of seeing a friend, the thrill of raw attraction, the pleasure of the smash face.

    Part of my ability to do enjoy today is derivative of my last relationship. He was determined to love me, since 2004. ! And then he flaked. I am feeling overdue for some indulgent me time.


    Note to self to get straight.
    Are you exclusive with the other man? Doesn't sound like it.

  9. #548
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    Originally Posted by Batya33
    Are you exclusive with the other man? Doesn't sound like it.
    No conversations to that effect.

  10. #549
    Platinum Member bluecastle's Avatar
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    Well, if you're not exclusive than I wouldn't frame this as detour from the "straight" path, or an indulgence in "selfishness." No need to tsk-tsk, which can be its own form of indulgence, but just be honest with yourself about where you're at right now so you can be honest in dating.

  11. #550
    Platinum Member IAmFCA's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by bluecastle
    Well, if you're not exclusive than I wouldn't frame this as detour from the "straight" path, or an indulgence in "selfishness." No need to tsk-tsk, which can be its own form of indulgence, but just be honest with yourself about where you're at right now so you can be honest in dating.
    I like this approach - a good reminder to love myself first, and listen rather than direct.

    Also I know that I move through moments when I study and learn, and have some intention about finding and being on path. I am a little bit off path, I can feel it. Possibly acting out in ways that are incremental but off path nonetheless.

    Possibly the fear of being in relationship, a self destructive / self protective instinct.


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