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Thread: Faith Commitment Action

  1. #491
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    Originally Posted by IAmFCA
    Thank you Blue Virgo. Something to miss is something to appreciate, no?
    Oh yes. I'm a Leo/Virgo cusp technically. Actually?? Pure Leo.

  2. #492
    Platinum Member bluecastle's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by IAmFCA
    Thank you Blue Virgo. Something to miss is something to appreciate, no?
    I believe missing and appreciating are siblings, even synonyms. Said the Libra.

  3. #493
    Platinum Member IAmFCA's Avatar
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    Checking in just to say

    1. Missing the depressed ex who is still depressed, and wow that is just awful to see what our brains can do to ourselves.

    2. Went on a promising date. It seemed to appeal to my adult self while allowing for my inner child to have a voice.

    That sounds like a lot of hooey. I might say, we had about 4 hours of conversation, mostly while walking, and covered topics like parenting and divorce, and there seemed to be a fair amount of overlap in approach and values. Not bad to look at either.

    Shared interests in going beyond the familiar, in music, in sailing; well traveled; public speaking and leadership roles at work. In no rush to create a semi live in situation; we each have households with boundaries to protect. Winner!

    Date 2 is next week.

  4. #494
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    Glad you had fun on your date! I'm sorry about your ex suffering from depression -I'm sure you've offered resources/support places he can turn to. Now he has to be willing, horse to water and all that.

    Good luck with date number 2!

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  6. #495
    Platinum Member bluecastle's Avatar
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    Thanks for the update. Was wondering how you're doing out there—quite well, it seems.

    And, yes, the human brain can be a real prison. Hopefully he finds the keys.

  7. #496
    Platinum Member IAmFCA's Avatar
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    Thank you both

    I suspect my ex found himself behaving in some way that felt like cheating; not dating someone else, just escaping in a womans company, being too familiar. I have a sense of when and with whom and if I am right, it was eating away at him, corroding him. He had thought he no longer needed that sort of behavior in his life and would have been devastated to find he could not rely on himself. I didn't tell him what i think happened, but sent him a note of forgiveness. He said he was touched by it.

  8. #497
    Platinum Member bluecastle's Avatar
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    Were I to indulge my instinct of psychic provocation, feeling I have a willing audience, I would ask: Were you forgiving him, or forgiving yourself for investing in an idea of him that was more aspirational than actualized?

    He is a deep thinker, with some tortured corners, an adventure-bound man, a lone wolf. He is also, perhaps, someone who requires a lot of attention and affection, who can't be truly alone in himself for long, who finds comfort in the cursory where you find comfort in the deeps, because he can only go so deep on those realms since he has yet to come to terms with the gap between who he is and who he wishes to be—a gap that can't be bridged by the forgiveness of another.

    I see in you, if I may, and of course I'm reaching at scraps here, a woman who has come to terms with the complexity of her humanity, and humanity at large, in a way that is far, far from what he sees when he turns the same prism. That is a a beautiful quality, but it will intimidate someone whose prism has less colors, or who is frightened of some of those colors. It takes a particular sense of security to he comfortable next to someone who can see around more corners than you.

    Fancy talk for: Hope date two, with new guy, is a blast.

  9. #498
    Platinum Member IAmFCA's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by bluecastle
    Were I to indulge my instinct of psychic provocation, feeling I have a willing audience, I would ask: Were you forgiving him, or forgiving yourself for investing in an idea of him that was more aspirational than actualized?

    He is a deep thinker, with some tortured corners, an adventure-bound man, a lone wolf. He is also, perhaps, someone who requires a lot of attention and affection, who can't be truly alone in himself for long, who finds comfort in the cursory where you find comfort in the deeps, because he can only go so deep on those realms since he has yet to come to terms with the gap between who he is and who he wishes to be—a gap that can't be bridged by the forgiveness of another.

    I see in you, if I may, and of course I'm reaching at scraps here, a woman who has come to terms with the complexity of her humanity, and humanity at large, in a way that is far, far from what he sees when he turns the same prism. That is a a beautiful quality, but it will intimidate someone whose prism has less colors, or who is frightened of some of those colors. It takes a particular sense of security to he comfortable next to someone who can see around more corners than you.

    Fancy talk for: Hope date two, with new guy, is a blast.
    Oh my goodness Blue you just helped me tremendously. Gift gift gift thank you.

    Every now and again I find myself wanting him to be the person he wishes he were, to speak to me directly as an act of self respect and respect for our friendship.

    He is overwhelmed by the challenge of seeing himself. I know it but miss the friendship. In friendship we acknowledged our shortcomings.

    Hmm. That is important.

    Thank you, Blue.

    Oh and Yes! Me too. It is confirmed for Wednesday. And I've an idea for part of the next - bananagrams. Because he has an ear for language.

    For all the height conversations on these boards, I note that he is atypically un-tall. 5'6" maybe? So, am I supposed to run away? Of course not! 🙄😃

  10. #499
    Platinum Member bluecastle's Avatar
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    Phew—I had a weird hiccup a few hours after posting that: Did I just overstep? Or over-project?

    Pocket theory: One of the things we so love about our friends, aside from the nectar of acceptance and support, is that they can see around more of our own corners than even we can. Talk about vulnerability. My best bud, Greencastle? I think he knows more of who I'll be at 45 than I do, and I trust him as a custodian of that knowledge. He's a guidepost as my own flashlight flickers. I suspect he'd say the same about me, in his own language.

    But in romance? Well, we all want that, in some way, but it's harder. Someone who can see around too many of our own corners before us is just "too much," just as it's "too little" to be with someone too focused on their own maze to see the parts of our own that are still dark to us. A spectacular woman I was with from 23-26? She basically knew who I'd be at 40: the version of me that would work for her. She put it in just those words, and let go, a moment etched in my spirit as an example of humanity at its finest, most honest and self-respecting. Alas, she was "too much" for me, romantically, as I was "too little" for her. We eventually recalibrated as friends, and are Forever People in each other's lives today.

    You two were friends, if I recall, prior to being romantic partners. That means you are friends today, right now, in my book. Almost nothing to "miss," if you squint right, just a new taste (somewhat bitter) to savor. Time just needs to do its business, as bananagrams are played with fellows of fine stature.

    As a man who stands 6ft on the nose in non-pixilated form, but who has stood pretty low in my shoes here and there, I think a shade of the old saying applies: it's not the height that matters, but how you stand with what you've got.

  11. #500
    Platinum Member IAmFCA's Avatar
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    Hello friends!

    A quick update...

    Been healing, learning, living. A few dates, easy to tell with whom I don't choose to fit. (Whether they want to fit with me is not my concern.)

    Been on three dates with a fellow who is same age, same industry (and y'all know how I enjoy that), who has many traits I enjoy. He has been a thoughtful suitor (if you will), bringing me home early, pecks on the cheek or lips at the most so far, including me in challenging conversation, offering verbal affirmations of his interest and why.

    I intend to pursue this friendship and see what happens.

    However, he is obese. Hasn't always been. This troubles me, and I am proud of what I have done about it.

    I told him of my own intention to make some changes, an honest effort on my part. He jumped on board, offered to partner with me, and asked for guidance. I pointed him to reference material, and am leaving the details to him. In my estimation he needs a year to get to his normal shape; its a long shot. OTOH he seems poised to embrace an era of self-care after launching his kids and settling family issues.

    I am glad to have found a way to express myself and gladder to have been met with enthusiasm and appreciation.

    Hoping I've gotten in on the ground floor of a good thing.

    As always, thanks everyone for supporting my journey.

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