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Thread: Faith Commitment Action

  1. #341
    Platinum Member IAmFCA's Avatar
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    And... I have a job opportunity that just landed in my lap.

    The universe amazes me. When we are ready, it provides.

  2. #342
    Platinum Member IAmFCA's Avatar
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    Okay. FCA you've been riding your horse around the ring, taking the gates, getting some air. Its been hard because you put those gates up yourself. Why now would you turn from them? You wouldn't. You are a jumper. Do what you are made to do.

    Ok. I will. Thank you FCA for loving me like that. :

  3. #343
    Platinum Member IAmFCA's Avatar
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    I am again becoming.

    Damage is done, for sure. But recovery is underway too. I accept my path because I have to, and I know others have struggled. If not everyone, someone, and everyone knows someone.

    Meeting people, scheduling people, making headway. Starting to see myself writing again. [thumbs up emoji]

  4. #344
    Platinum Member IAmFCA's Avatar
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    Bf and I have had very little time alone. Attentive, but apart or with my kids.

    I have been good with it. Missing it while also being otherwise engaged. Lately thinking, when will this guy grow up? Am I on the wrong path? And also thinking that the presence of him is helpful, knowing he is there somewhere. That knowledge is something I want to appreciate.

    Tonight we had dinner. We talked a bit about some things, not with intention but nonetheless significant. He said something appreciative. He looked like he was about to cry. I remarked and he said he always looks like that lately. He kissed me with a passion that had been absent.

    He is a child sexual abuse survivor. I do not see him that way but I do see him carrying around old baggage, suffering its weight quietly. He says he overthinks everything.

    Dang the inside of ourselves is scary when we haven't taken it out into the sunlight for a long time. I know he is struggling with it now, I just know. He needs to.

    Remember how I find strength in his existence. So I am perhaps the same. I hope he finds incremental progress. It gets so much easier.

    There is nothing like having a friend. I can't explain why that seems like enough, when it isn't, and yet it is so much more than a relationship that has everything else but that. I feel loved.

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  6. #345
    Platinum Member IAmFCA's Avatar
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    hmm. maybe, a job with more opportunity and more $$ ... this is unexpected!

  7. #346
    Platinum Member IAmFCA's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by IAmFCA
    hmm. maybe, a job with more opportunity and more $$ ... this is unexpected!
    Oh, nahh. I think their strategy is misguided. Drag.

  8. #347
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    So I was thinking of you this morning when I heard an NPR broadcast "on being" that I listen to because it highlighted Sharon Olds' poetry. I don't know of her and on hearing some of it I thought you really might like it!

  9. #348
    Platinum Member IAmFCA's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Batya33
    So I was thinking of you this morning when I heard an NPR broadcast "on being" that I listen to because it highlighted Sharon Olds' poetry. I don't know of her and on hearing some of it I thought you really might like it!
    Big debate in college, unresolved. Is her poetry too intimate, or does its intimacy underscore its power while still being universal?

    I am complimented that you thought of me, given my former study of her work. Which drives me batty btw. lol

  10. #349
    Platinum Member IAmFCA's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by IAmFCA
    Oh, nahh. I think their strategy is misguided. Drag.
    So this week I am to have a strategic conversation. Awkward. Hi. You're the big dog in a big dog park. I am supposed to genuflect. BTW, your business plan is stupid. It was a pleasure to meet you! 🙄

  11. #350
    Platinum Member IAmFCA's Avatar
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    And on a different topic... Bf is human, and so am I. We still like each other and talk of potential future events. Maybe that is what its all about.

    The voice I am ignoring? Yo, big guy. How you ever going to share a space if you are uncertain how to share when you have only one job? Though I actually like that he is drawing boundaries; he didn't used to, we do not live together nor should we. Work is hard, sleep is a big deal. Its right.

    Its also annoying my 5 year old inner voice, who can be bratty!

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