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Thread: Faith Commitment Action

  1. #11
    Platinum Member IAmFCA's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Batya33
    Would you be ok with your boyfriend having a Slushette in his life in the same way you maintain contact with Slush?
    No, I don't want him keeping anyone as an option. I no longer want Slush as an option either. Bf knows all about Slush, and was a great sounding board for me as I worked to understand my motivations. He also was clear about his limitations; that he would not invest further if I were keeping options open. Bf and I have similar abilities to maintain options; he understands me well and did not rush my timing.

    The second time Slush was about to suggest lunch, I headed him off by citing my full schedule. It was an honest act that stopped short of saying, "and don't ever ask again", which for Slush is unnecessarily blunt. I did not invite an alternative suggestion and have not had contact with him since. If I hear from him again, I'll handle it in a conclusive way.

    Bf gets kind of an angry face re Slush. Not about my interest, but about Slush's disinterest. Its kind of sweet, like, How can he respect a man who didn't see my value? But Slush knows my value; he also could see that we don't quite match. Close but not close enough.

    -- I know about bf's hangers on, as well. We agreed to be as kind as possible to whomever we needed to brush off. I am glad for it.

  2. #12
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    Oh ok I read wrong. It sounded like you still had feelings for Slush and had him on your radar, at least emotionally, as an option. So if he called you and said he changed his mind and wanted to be with you in the way you wanted to be with him you would not entertain it because of your relationship with your boyfriend?

  3. #13
    Platinum Member IAmFCA's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Batya33
    Oh ok I read wrong. It sounded like you still had feelings for Slush and had him on your radar, at least emotionally, as an option. So if he called you and said he changed his mind and wanted to be with you in the way you wanted to be with him you would not entertain it because of your relationship with your boyfriend?
    This has been an emerging topic, so you probably read correctly in prior posts; I have been ambivalent about my interest even as it wanes: why is it there at all?

    I don't want to keep Slush as an option. The man he would be if in love with me might be amazing. But. I don't trust him to accept me as I am, I don't trust him to find new ways to relate to his partner if that is what it takes. He and I are too rigid souls, our world views are diametrically opposed, and our ability to resolve conflict leaves me unattended. In relationship, Slush is a complete cat. But he is uncomfortable being so vulnerable. It's too precious. Too precarious.

    Maybe he had changed his mind, or was considering it. I wouldn't know, because he keeps it all unspoken and I won't be around to notice if he turns up the volume.

    What my relationship has taught me is that I don't have to have angst at home, as my parents did, as my siblings do. Slush takes me down a road I know well, but don't want to travel again.

    I shine brightly with the understanding I get from my guy. It's too good to want anything different.

    So, Slush: intimate, worthwhile, intoxicating, but not for me.

  4. #14
    Platinum Member IAmFCA's Avatar
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    Lol words edited out...

    In prior post I meant to say, in relationship Slush is a complete sweetheart.

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  6. #15
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    What bf demonstrates is responsibility-- that is, what it looks like when someone takes responsibility for changing themselves and for preparing for the relationship they want. He has meetings twice a week to make sure he is healthy-- his response to his having been absent from his marriage. He addresses his concerns with me directly yet without conflict and without weakness. He asks to hear all relevant information, and in exchange works to provide a loving ear. His intent on making this work is plain.

    It's scary for me, because failure is an option. We don't have to do this. More than that, its freeing, leavening. ts clear we both want to make this stick, and we already feel like we are better people because of the others influence. How great is that?

  7. #16
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    I'm glad it's going so well and that you feel comfortable continuing contact with Slush as your boyfriend does as well.

  8. #17
    Platinum Member IAmFCA's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Batya33
    I'm glad it's going so well and that you feel comfortable continuing contact with Slush as your boyfriend does as well.
    Well, that's not exactly accurate to say I am continuing contact, since I haven't followed up with contact after I avoided his lunch invite. I do not intend to continue contact nor stiff arm him. He will fade on his own and may be gone already.

    I will miss his deeply still demeanor... and I will be able to find that where I am, in time.

  9. #18
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    Originally Posted by IAmFCA
    Well, that's not exactly accurate to say I am continuing contact, since I haven't followed up with contact after I avoided his lunch invite. I do not intend to continue contact nor stiff arm him. He will fade on his own and may be gone already.

    I will miss his deeply still demeanor... and I will be able to find that where I am, in time.
    Oh ok -that wasn't clear at all from what you wrote. It sounds like your boyfriend is not "deeply still" and is very much there with you and into you so FWIW I agree with your BFF at her suggestion that you not 'mess this up". I wouldn't put it as negatively but I agree with the message.

  10. #19
    Platinum Member IAmFCA's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Batya33
    Oh ok -that wasn't clear at all from what you wrote. It sounds like your boyfriend is not "deeply still" and is very much there with you and into you so FWIW I agree with your BFF at her suggestion that you not 'mess this up". I wouldn't put it as negatively but I agree with the message.
    Agree completely. And his bff said the same to him.

    Slush doesn't need to be broken up with; I did that months ago. We don't text or chat. I haven't shown any interest since declining the 2nd lunch. If he contacts me I will know what to do at that time; whatever it is, the door isn't open. Objectively speaking, he is eminently want-able. It's not about him. I don't want him because we aren't right for each other. I will be glad to let him go affirmatively, as I am glad to have let go of my fwb.

    If Slush doesn't contact me, I will let time and distance communicate for me.

  11. #20
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    Sounds like a good choice you made back then to stop interacting with him.

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