How should I tell a rude and selfish coworker I will no longer be her doormat?

I work for a company that provides staff for events. I End up working with her about once a week.

The thing is she has not had a car for the past two years now so she is always requiring me to drive her to the Events. She is very cheap when it comes to chipping in for gas and will at most hand me five dollars and seems bitter about this when she does.

After work she often requests that I drop her off somewhere.

Last week I agreed to have a drink with her after work.

We get to a bar and order a drink. A friend of mine calls me up invites me to come to another bar and my coworker says she would like to come along. My friend said that was fine more the merrier etc. So. We finish our drink and she says all of a sudden that a guy she knows has texted her and she will be going over to see him as he can get her in a bar for free. She point blank told me I couldn’t come as it was a music event and “I wouldn’t like it and her friend didn’t invite me” with a look on her face like I was nothing.

The bill for the drink comes and she gives me less than half of the bill and says she is in a hurry and must go now.

I looked at this as the last straw. I no longer want to give her rides anywhere as she doesn’t pay for gas. And she is rude! Whether it’s work or the rare event we go out outside of work I’d like to not see her unless I have to.

She is also late a lot when I meet her to take her to work and this causes me to be late to work.

We do still have to work together - so I guess I can’t be too rude. But I’d like to tell her she must find her own rides. And that if my boss ever asks me to drop her off after an event (as her other “rides” are often late and he can’t have her hanging around the venue/house when the event is over) that I will only drop her off somewhere that is on my own way home. I’m not going to stretch my neck out anymore for her.

I’ve brought up Uber in the past and she says “they charge too much” so it seems like she has an excuse for everything.

What’s a polite way to tell a coworker 1. She can never ask me for a ride to work again and 2. When I am asked to drop her off after work she will pay me the fee I ask or or she needs to walk?

But I’d like to tell her she must find her own rides. This is your answer. You dont want to be rude but you need to gather your nerve and firmly tell her you can no longer drive her anywhere. It won't be easy, but you have to do it. I wouldn't drive her across the road, based on what you say about her. Dont make it wishy washy like you will drive her if she pays you $X. It needs to be a no more rides policy. She's taking advantage of you because you let her. Dont get into an argument or discussion with her, just tell her you are sorry but you can no longer provide her with rides. Period.

Tell her that you spoke to your insurance and they said that if you continue to give her rides, they will consider you to be a cab service/uber driver and your insurance will have to be doubled (which you can't afford) so you can't do it anymore.

Tell, her sorry and then change the subject.

But I’d like to tell her she must find her own rides. This is your answer. You dont want to be rude but you need to gather your nerve and firmly tell her you can no longer drive her anywhere. It won't be easy, but you have to do it. I wouldn't drive her across the road, based on what you say about her. Dont make it wishy washy like you will drive her if she pays you $X. It needs to be a no more rides policy. She's taking advantage of you because you let her. Dont get into an argument or discussion with her, just tell her you are sorry but you can no longer provide her with rides. Period.

just tell her very casually, like she did to you:

wanted to let you know i can't be your ride to and from work anymore.

and if she gives you grief, be strong say "look, it is an inconvenience for me. you're late, don't pitch in on gas and I'm sick of it."

if she goes any further say "dude, its been two years! I'm not your mom!"

you must stand your ground! and be ready to fire back. if you show weakness she will make you out to be the bad guy.

you may have to throw examples in her face.... so have them ready.

start out very professional and don't back down!

You have to still work with this woman. I'd try to be more diplomatic then telling her straight.

I suggest you call your insurance and ask them what your liability will be if you're driving someone to work who pays you occasionally, should you have an accident.

I drove someone to work everyday and when someone rear ended me, she sued me and the driver at fault.

Ouch. I have a feeling she WOULD sue me too. She seems very opportunistic...and just not very nice.

I do still have to work with her though, and would rather not have to deal with additional crap from her.

I really do want to be firm with her as I am really really sick of her rudeness and her crap and I am tired of being used. She isn't even nice, or grateful. So screw her. The bridge has burned.

I think what melancholy123 was correct, but I will also bring up insurance and like Lambert said I will also make a list of examples.

For instance, this past Saturday, I had to pay for parking at an event. It was only 1.50 - But...she did not even offer to pay it, when I brought it up she said that she forgot her card and had no cash. Sigh.

It's just going to be hard to not really go off on her. Really hard, as I have a feeling she will complain, and I need to maintain my professionalism and composure as she is a coworker.

Ouch. I have a feeling she WOULD sue me too. She seems very opportunistic...and just not very nice.

I do still have to work with her though, and would rather not have to deal with additional crap from her.

I really do want to be firm with her as I am really really sick of her rudeness and her crap and I am tired of being used. She isn't even nice, or grateful. So screw her. The bridge has burned.

I think what melancholy123 was correct, but I will also bring up insurance and like Lambert said I will also make a list of examples.

For instance, this past Saturday, I had to pay for parking at an event. It was only 1.50 - But...she did not even offer to pay it, when I brought it up she said that she forgot her card and had no cash. Sigh.

It's just going to be hard to not really go off on her. Really hard, as I have a feeling she will complain, and I need to maintain my professionalism and composure as she is a coworker.

http://www.askamanager.org/2017/06/how-can-i-get-out-of-chauffeuring-my-coworker-everywhere.html

Ask a manager is a great blog and lots of people write in on this very topic! It looks like a really common thing, unfortunately.

Just went to the blog, and wow. Seems a lot of coworkers like to use people nowadays and are not even nice in return.

No wonder it seems impossible finding quality people to maintain a friendship with. The standards most people seem to hold themselves to are not very high.

I'd rather have zero friends than be surrounded by crappy people.

On one hand, I know I need to be polite and professional. On the other, it's not like she is a nice person so I don't owe her a lie to spare her feelings, as she certainly doesn't care about my feelings, or about being fair to me.

I think that although the blog said to lie to the co-worker, I will just simply and politely tell her there will be no more rides, period. And if needed I will list the reasons such as being late, the time I've spent, the gas money, the parking money, insurance, etc.

Users tend to try to use guilt and manipulation to get their way and to keep people they are using around longer. I need her to know the gravy train is ended, but I will do it without raising my voice, or being angry, and will just tell her truth, simply, and straight to the point.

The bill for the drink comes and she gives me less than half of the bill and says she is in a hurry and must go now.

Why are these golden moments wasted on other people? I would have LOVED to have been in your position. So many great possibilities.

Let uber or her bf or public transport be her chauffeur. Learn to say no to rides, freebies, socializing etc. Don't be rude, just say no, you have limited money, resources, time, you're busy, you have to save for car maintenance, car insurance, etc. etc. Tell her how great uber, lyft etc are and everyone uses that these days. Start standing up for yourself. It's never too late to learn this unless you want to spend your life covered with parasites.

We do still have to work together - so I guess I can’t be too rude.

If you're driving to company events, do they reimburse you? The first avenue I'd take is to learn the company expense process so that your gas and mileage are covered by the company regardless of who is in your car.

Second, I'd rethink the need to raise a policy with coworker. Just stop socializing with her (that's on you) and consider that there may be a time in the future that you might need a favor from her. You work with this person, so be professional, and if she wants to ride with you to a place where you must go anyway, no big deal--especially if you negotiate reimbursement with your company.

I'd limit my focus to my own responsibilities for outcomes I don't like. For instance, I'm not clear whether you drove her to see her friend or whether she got her own ride there, but given that you had other plans with your own friends, the simple answer is, "I'm not going that way, but I can drop you off anywhere along my route to the place you had intended to come along."

Wait, just so that we're clear-- this was her wanting you to give her a ride on the spot to whatever this music event was?

 

Why are these golden moments wasted on other people? I would have LOVED to have been in your position. So many great possibilities.

She asks for rides TO work. She has no car. Hers was totaled and she has no savings (even after two years) to get a new one.

She never chips in enough for gas. At most it’s five bucks when asked to chip in and she gives off very bitter vibes when asked and has said I’d be using gas to go there anyway since it’s work.

I’m not reimbursed by the company for going from my house to a venue. Most companies don’t do that.

The drink after work happened when she invited me out with her after work and I said yes. Looking back she just wanted another free ride to a bar. We got there and ordered a drink and she asked where we should go next. I called a friend of mine who invited us out to another (nicer) bar. She agreed to go and said she wanted to come. Then right before the bill comes she says she got a text from a guy she knows who invited her to another bar. She point blank told me I couldn’t go as it was a music event (bar had band playing) and I wouldn’t like it - her friend hadn’t invited me - he would be covering her entry fee and drinks - so I couldn’t go. And kind of looked at me as though I were nothing as she said this.

I felt like she was making a point of turning me down for a better and FREE offer. Said she could just walk to bar her guy friend was at as it was close.

The bill comes. She gives me less than half the total and practically runs off saying she needs to hurry.

I’m sick of her rudeness. And her inability to treat me fairly and with decency. But I will still have to work with her. I wanted to ask others opinions about how I should tell her I will no longer offer her rides to and from work and she will have to make arrangements elsewhere.

She is too cheap to even pay for Uber rides anywhere. Says their prices are too expensive. So whenever I arrive to pick her up I usually end up waiting on her. If she is away from home - instead of getting a Uber back there go meet me (for her ride to work) she will bum rides (free or as she says - just a couple dollars for gas) back to her house and thus often arrives up to 15-30 minutes late which causes me to be late also. I have already point blank had to refuse to pick her up anywhere else telling her it adds on to my drive time too much and is really out of my way.

Long story short is - this girl is a user. And she is not even NICE to me (or to anyone else probably) even though she is a such a lazy user. She is rude and cheap and comes across as very entitled and ungrateful. But I will still have to see her at work so I know I can’t just tell her to screw off in the way that she deserves.

But I’m also no longer willing to be her doormat since she is so rude and cheap.

How do you think I should tell her in a way that really gets the point across while maintaining my own professionalism and composure?

Is it ok to flat out tell her “no” or do I have to come up with excuses as to why her free gravy train has ended?

How do you think I should tell her in a way that really gets the point across while maintaining my own professionalism and composure?

Is it ok to flat out tell her “no” or do I have to come up with excuses as to why her free gravy train has ended?

I'd start by asking when her car will be completed. From there you can decide whether to ride it out, so to speak.

As for your own composure, I'd quit working myself up with indignation. That only hurts your own stomach lining, and it robs you of a clear head that's free of the emotional charge that isn't really necessary. You're not obligated to like the girl, and your private revenge is knowing that she will always need to BE her.

That's the thing I'd hold onto whenever dealing with her. In fact, I tend to be amused by particularly crotchety people rather than offended by them. She gets to live with her own misery, and I'd make it my private goal to center my focus on disallowing her to suck me into sharing it with her.

Find out how long she intends to ride with you, and if she questions why you're asking, you can offer that if she'll give you a reasonable date for the rides to come to an end, you'll continue to that date. On the other hand, if she expects the rides to continue indefinitely, you're informing her that carpooling isn't your thing, and you'll be ending the service on May 15 [or whatever date you choose].

Avoid getting sucked into an argument. You don't owe her any 'excuses.' Let her rant or whatever, but if she gets too nasty while you're driving, pull over and ask cheerfully if she'd prefer to walk the rest of the way.

Exactly what catfeeder said, or just state you need to pick your friend up/drop someone off at school and don't have time to take her anymore...