End it or stay together while dating others?

My LD boyfriend and i have been dating for almost 2 years. We have seen each other 5 times (the last time being this past weekend). We talk/Face time every single day and even fall asleep on the phone. Usually our visits last for about 7-10 days but this time was just Friday night to Sunday afternoon. We have not seen one another since January and I've expressed to him that the distance is getting to me (we live about a 3 hour plane ride apart). We did not have sex this weekend (he's had some health challenges and Friday there was an issue with his bag being delayed with his meds in it). I was coordinating on the phone what we can do in case the bag didn't come. On Saturday we were able to get the bag that afternoon and he started to return to himself. But when he said he didn't feel like I was his girlfriend but instead his friend, I explained that the first 24 hours of his trip he was out of it and we haven't seen one another in 4 months and it takes a day or so to get used to being around one another again when we have big breaks like that. I also explained that if we had a few more days like we normally do that things would most likely be normal.

I love him and know he loves me, but for at least the next year he has to live in his state, I would relocate but we haven't met one another's family or friends yet. He admitted he's never even told his mom about me.

He's shared with me that women have cheated on him/hurt him in the past and I don't want to hurt him, but within the last month I've met 2 guys locally who want to date me but I've been feeling guilty about my LD boyfriend.

My question is, after almost 2 years, should I tell him I would like a little space and date locally, or should I just break up altogether? I think if we didn't have the distance I don't think I'd be interested in anyone else....

Have an honest an open talk with him. A year is not that long. The only concern here us that he said he feels like youre a friend, not his gf. Distance is really hard. It might be worth waiting it out, but it seems as if you are ready to detach. Make a list of what you like, and what you don't. A list of reasons there could be a future, and reasons there might not be a future. Don't decide on a whim, because a love lost is not easily retrievable, as we all know. Good luck, whatever you decide.

Thank you so so much! Your advice is kind and thoughtful. I will make a list and really think this over before making a decision. His comment about he feels like he was visiting his friend and not his girlfriend was because we didn't have sex. But I explained to him that Friday night and the first half of Saturday he wasn't feeling great/worried about not having his luggage with his meds. Things didn't start to feel normal again until Saturday evening but that still wasn't enough time for me (he was leaving the next day) to want to have sex.

Please tell him to never pack his meds. What would he have done if the bag had not been located?

Sex is important in a relationship, but it's definitely not worth letting go of someone you love because of distance, or not having it on one visit. How long until you will see one another again? Can you maybe fly out to him ? In a year, maybe you can be together, living close by. If you truly feel a connection, and it's just the distance, I'd seriously wait it out. A true connection is so very difficult to replace, just to have a local guy to date with more frequent encounters and sex. But I don't know your ages either, I'm just speaking from my own experiences, that I'd take quality time over quantity. Think about the wives of men in the service who are deployed. They wait for them to return.

You made some really great points. I'm 36 and he's 41. We both have no children, but he admitted to me in the beginning that he has "trust issues" and I feel the pace he's moving is much slower than mine (i.e. before this past weekend I went to see him 3 times and he came here only once and my family and friends know about him yet he's never mentioned me to his mom and said it's because he doesn't like his family in his business).

Please tell him to never pack his meds. What would he have done if the bag had not been located?

I know! I told him to put that stuff in his carry on bag from now on but he says it's a hassle with TSA...smh.

A man with trust issues is tough to deal with and wait for. I can understand about not wanting family in his business. Might be that there were issues with an ex and so he just wants them to butt out of his romantic life. You have to know your short and long term goals, and communicate them to him to see if he's on the same page as you. It does seem you put in more effort, do you know why that is? Is your schedule more free to visit him, than his is to visit you?

He is completing a graduate program, works full time and is an active member in his church and several organizations he's apart of. I kind of feel like with all that he's juggling, this relationship is last on the list in terms of time spent together. He seems to feel that talking on the phone everyday is enough, but almost 2 years later, it's not.

Sounds like a LDR is good for him, because he has so much going on. So he doesn't have to feel pressured with date nights, etc. You, on the other hand, obviously are at a point where you want much more, right now. Best thing you can do is , as I said, communicate all if this with him openly and honestly. Don't feel obligated to continue because of his health issues, if that's a part of what's stopping you from ending things.

Thank you again. This weekend really showed me so much and I think his health (definitely for the past month) has been what's stopped me from ending things. Before the trip I asked for more space (as in not talking for hours every single day) and of course he's felt bad about that. I feel sad about the whole situation, but I will do what you suggest and weigh things out before I make any final decisions.

How old is he? Are either of you away at college? How did you meet? How did this distance come about? It would be best to listen to him and believe him rather than stay in denial drowning him out and replacing it with your dialogue that it's this, that and the other and trying to heavily convince him to reassure yourself.

It's time to end it and date locally. He is hinting that he wants out too, if you'll just quiet yourself stop playing nurse/psychologist and just listen. You are both sick of it and the LD aspect and hassle and frustration of that nonsense. Set yourselves free from this headache and heartache.

he said he didn't feel like I was his girlfriend but instead his friend.He admitted he's never even told his mom about me.

How old is he? Are either of you away at college? How did you meet? How did this distance come about? It would be best to listen to him and believe him rather than stay in denial drowning him out and replacing it with your dialogue that it's this, that and the other and trying to heavily convince him to reassure yourself.

 

It's time to end it and date locally. He is hinting that he wants out too, if you'll just quiet yourself stop playing nurse/psychologist and just listen. You are both sick of it and the LD aspect and hassle and frustration of that nonsense. Set yourselves free from this headache and heartache.

We met in a professional group on social media back in 2016. He is 41 and I'm 36. He said I felt more like his friend because he felt that's how I was treating him (when in fact I was more concerned about his health without his medication for the weekend first and foremost). But I agree, the fact that I don't think he's really told anyone of significance in his life about us is a huge red flag. I'm strongly leaning towards a break up, I'm just trying to be 100% about it.