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Thread: Girlfriend purposefully not replying?

  1. #11
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    Originally Posted by Morello
    "The only thing I've really done to look like I'm more invested was say "I think we're amazing" or "It's great how mutual this is" etc."

    You are indeed smothering her with these comments and sounding way overinvested. It's only been a couple of months. Again, I suggest you to tone down on these kind of comments and message way less.
    See, this is why I use this website. I thought saying things like that wasn't a bad thing, but just stating how well things are going between us. I'll do what you suggested, thank you.

  2. #12
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    Originally Posted by Doc Blaze
    Texting can become boring.pretty much happened between my ex and I. IMO we text messaged each other way too much. Then you run out of things to talk about.
    We don't even text each other that much, not enough for it to become boring anyway.

  3. #13
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    Originally Posted by abitbroken
    That doesn't mean that she "owes" you constant or immediate contact. It does not mean that she is inexperienced in her sense of time management.

    As far as smothering -- smothering does not always mean someone is constantly messaging. People can feel smothered by being told "i am glad our relationship is so mutual", talking frequently about the status of the relationship, etc, vs just going with the flow and just looking forward to the next time.
    I didn't mean it like that. I know she doesn't owe me anything. I was just using that as an opener to state the rest of what I said. You're right about the rest - I will start to tone it down. Thank you.

  4. #14
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    Originally Posted by MissCanuck
    Depending on how frequently you're doing this, she might just not know how to respond or want a break from that line of conversation.
    Hadn't thought of that before. Now thinking about it, I think even I would want a break from it. I don't even say it that much, but from a third point of view I can maybe see myself as being too invested in her. She might be able to see that.

    Any tips on reverting the process and making her feel like she's the 'invested' one?

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  6. #15
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    Unfortunately it sounds like she's pushing back from feeling smothered and all the text-tethering. Just lay back and relax. Try not to control her this way having to report to you all the time or patrol her social media.

  7. #16
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    Originally Posted by Doc Blaze
    Texting can become boring.pretty much happened between my ex and I. IMO we text messaged each other way too much. Then you run out of things to talk about.
    This!!!!!!!

    One of my relationship was like this. We said what we had to say with each other through texting all the time. When we got together we had nothing but meaningless chit chat going on which resulted in feeling like we had no connection for both of us.

    Keep the text to a minimum. Like use it to send funny Memes once in a while. Use it to escalate things so she thinks about the good times you both shared. Use it to make her want to see you, but leave those other things like meaningful conversations when you are face to face. So that you have something to talk about. Not just meaningless conversation.

    If you must talk through phone in my opinion it is better to just to call but be brief. Through phone calls and text you never get a read on body language and facial expressions. Whatever you say leaves up to your interpretation based on her reply or non reply. You start making assumptions and it very well may not be true.

    Just ise it as a small tool but not a major part of your communication. At the end she may break up with you because you feel too much of a friend or she may say things like you do not understand her.

    Imagine your last text to her in real life convo.

    You: let me know if you need help. ( probably would smile )
    Her: OK I will ( smiles back )

    You are missing the smiles. Her looking at you just liking you more and more. If her attraction was high enough just by smiling each other she could of told you to come by at x time.

    Let's look at it without the smiles. Basically I can help you but let me know. She says OK and leaves.

    With text you were only going to get 1 type of reply. OK reply. You were not going to get the come by reply. You don't have that connection with her yet. So what would you have done if she replied with just OK? Nothing, bbecause that's all you were going to get. Instead of sending her a text with a pre-determined response. You could of said,

    you will need a break at some point so lets meet at x time and we will go for (enter x type of beverage or something here) and relax your brain on me. Or something like that.

    This is also pretty determined reply with OK or no.but this OK means she wants to see you. No reply would usually followed up with a reason.

  8. #17
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    Originally Posted by singingstick
    sometimes, a person needs a break from the conversation. Give her some time to miss you... She has lots of other people in her life and things going on. It's okay for her to go on social media and not text you back. You just need to match her enthusiasm. Find other things to do and don't be so focused on the response and conversation. I used to be just like that when it came to communicating with someone I was dating. I would worry. The worry caused me to sabatoge the relationship unneccessarily. I even would give myself timelines in my head... "If he doesn't text me by 12pm, I'm done" So silly... I mean really. When I started dating my now ex, I noticed he wasn't great at text messaging. We would go all day without sending a single text and I simply told myself it would be okay. Everytime it happened, I would just change my internal dialog and tell myself it was okay. Eventually, I did become okay with it and he and I grew closer. I found out that frequency of text and interest are not always congruent. I also found that he was much needier in the relationship than I was.... Go figure!
    Your message helped me a lot. Thank you.

  9. #18
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    Hey. I know what you are going through because i am like that too. I look at my boyfriends active status and think WHHHHYY ? :) Reality is, he is just getting on with his life and comes back to chat when he misses me and it's totally normal and not at all anything to worry about. You should try worry less and be more chill. ( I know it's easier said than done ) some people just text less .. it's the way it is!

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