Pregnant

Hello All,

Would like some advice or maybe somebody has been in same situation.

I found out that im pregnant and I have no idea if I should keep it or not. Im nearly 25, engaged, living with my partner with who i am deeply in love with. We did not plan to have baby at the moment , more like trying to save for house and wedding.

And now I would like to keep it but im worried about financial side , would we be able to manage with one wage and what about our plans, and all this is stressing me out.At one point we are like lets do this and then the next day he starts talking about worries he have and I change my mind too. And deeply i worry about it too. And end of the day he said that he will be happy to do either and now im the one who needs to decide.

Its first time im pregnant and I have sworn to myself to never have abortion and it would kill me to have to do it.

Help or some advice.

Just based on what you wrote and your feelings I would not have an abortion. But having said that this is a deeply personal decision. Why do you need to save for a wedding? Do you mean the ceremony or the party? We started trying to have a baby before we were married. We had an awesome wedding ceremony when I was in my 8th month and we had 10 guests and had a delicious lunch and wedding cake after. I think total was under $1,500 including my dress and shoes and fee for the officiant, etc.

Since he seems ambivalent make sure you establish his paternity in case you need to pursue child support. Best of luck and please let me/us know what other support you need on this forum. I know it's hard. Being a parent is awesome and awesomely busy and worth every second. And more.

You love this man so much that you said "yes" to his proposal and would have a baby with him --- but just don't think you are "ready". Go ahead and have that baby -- go through with getting married as planned. When I was born, my parents were young and didn't have two nickels to rub together, but they got an apartment, shared a car and dad worked a job and a side job until he found a better single job - then mom worked when i was older. you are not pregnant with a guy from a one night stand - this child was conceived in love.

Its NORMAL for him to be confused and scared just like it is for you.

BTw, if you were not ready -- where was the protection when you had sex?

would we be able to manage with one wage

you would be frugal and when baby was old enough, you would work part time at first -- you work a couple of days where your folks could watch the baby for a couple of hours a few days a week and on a day when he was home to be with the baby until you could reenter the workforce officially.

thank you for advice, i was switching from one contraception to pills and i guess it happened in between, its not like im not ready , there is just so many question and fear about everything .

Go to your doctor and get a check up. Then start planning things financially, scale back on a fancy wedding, etc. See what benefits your job offers. See a financial planner together to prepare. You'll have to rethink things.

trying to save for house and wedding. I have sworn to myself to never have abortion and it would kill me to have to do it.

I know there's no real way to anticipate it, but how do you think you'd handle putting the baby up for adoption? You may even find a couple willing to help with medical expenses surrounding the pregnancy in the meantime.

Hello All,

Would like some advice or maybe somebody has been in same situation.

I found out that im pregnant and I have no idea if I should keep it or not. Im nearly 25, engaged, living with my partner with who i am deeply in love with. We did not plan to have baby at the moment , more like trying to save for house and wedding.

And now I would like to keep it but im worried about financial side , would we be able to manage with one wage and what about our plans, and all this is stressing me out.At one point we are like lets do this and then the next day he starts talking about worries he have and I change my mind too. And deeply i worry about it too. And end of the day he said that he will be happy to do either and now im the one who needs to decide.

Its first time im pregnant and I have sworn to myself to never have abortion and it would kill me to have to do it.

 

Help or some advice.

I am going to recommend that you have this baby. You will never forgive yourself if you abort. You don't have to be a stay at home mother and only rely on one wage. You can go back to work after your maternity leave or you can even find something that you can work from home with if finances are tight. You would be surprised how you can budget and afford to live on one wage when you are cognizant about what you're spending.

Can you see a financial planner and get some advice on how to budget. Knowing that you're going to be okay there will ease your mind.

thank you for advice, i was switching from one contraception to pills and i guess it happened in between, its not like im not ready , there is just so many question and fear about everything .

It really is your decision to make. The guy is their for support he can have some input but its his job to support your decision.

Financially you can make it. You don't always have to be a stay at home mom. When they are a bit older you can go back to work. Some even good back right after they have the baby. You would need some support from family. Either way this should be talked out in detail with your love ones.

Think of it this way.... and this is coming from a pregnant woman...

You got a man who loves you. Who is willing to commit himself to you. If this guy is so willing to marry you, then he isn’t going to up and leave like some guys out there. There are some women out there who are alone, pregnant, potentially suffering health drawbacks and do not have anyone to lean on for support.

Your pregnancy is going to test the level of commitment. However, based on your post it sounds like you both will be ok. Remember: God won’t throw things at you that you can’t handle.

As for the financial part, I’m not going to lie.... raising a kid will be expensive. It costs a student loan payment PER WEEK for childcare. BUT there are so many ways you can cut corners to make it financially work so you won’t be screwed. I grew up dirt poor when my parents had me under the age of 25 and made it work without go g on welfare. Hit up your friends, family, consignment shops, yard sales, and local community “baby bazaars” for used baby clothes (babies outgrow clothing every 4-6 weeks... don’t ever buy new). Get a Costco/BJ wholesale warehouse membership for diapers. I was so fortunate that my best friend was willing to give me her car seat, stroller, bassinet, and used baby clothes because that stuff costs hundreds of dollars. If you’re working, ask coworkers if they have any baby stuff to giveaway. I’m saving a TON of money over giveaways.

Wedding... downsize it. Have that BIG one year anniversary party later if you want. Go on a honeymoon a year later (I did that with my husband).

I completely hear you on house hunting as I am doing so now.... and I don’t recommend doing it while pregnant because of the crazy amount of stress it brings (read my latest thread). That may have to be put on a back burner, but it’s not the end of the world. Most people do not buy their homes until they are well in their mid 30’s nowadays. Rent or if possible, stay with parents for a year or two to save for the house. My best friend and husband ended up selling their home to move in with family because of childcare for a couple years, and then went to buy a BIGGER house.

Prioritize your concerns. Baby and marriage are the most important.

A kid doesn't care if you lived in a shoe. They just need TLC and diapers. So instead of a big wedding reception, have someone do the bridal shower, a small wedding, and then someone have a baby shower for you. Then do a huge party for your 10th Anniversary. So much to celebrate, you don't need a big reception. Why wouldn't you go back after your maternity leave? You have however months left to work. I work literally till the day I go into labor. And then, beforehand, get your options on daycare and if it makes fiscal sense to keep the job, or be a FTM, or move close to family, and see if they watch part time/full time.

Any one who says it would kill them to abort a baby they want, should have that idea kaboshed from their mind. You and soon to be hubby can do this!

Congrats!!!! I have a ton going on to be proud of work and life, and my boys are the absolute joy in my life.