Painful breakup

For the longest time I had been in love with this girl. It all began when I heard that she had broken up with her ex. I wanted to be there for her and simultaneously evaluate my chances with her. She treated me like a good friend but when I got the courage to ask her out on a date she insisted my sister (who she is friends with) to come too.

During the movie I saw her chatting with the guy who would end up to be her next boyfriend. I wont go into much detail but this guy was insane. He treated her like , kept bugging her about changing her appearance (like asking her to get breast implants) and he often got very mad at her.

I felt that somewhere she got a kick out of being treated like that but still she always came to us to complain about it. You wouldnt want to know how many times I saw her crying demanding the guy to leave.

Now things started escalating and she kept getting into more and more arguments. Every single time that we came over while they were together the ended up fighting to some degree.

Finally they broke up when the guy accused her best friend of talking about him and they ended up in a big fight. The girl had a straight up panic attack and the guy kept hitting himself in the face with a lot of force to show hoe bad he felt about how it went. Her mom ended up sending the guy away abd they broke up.

Now picture this. The girl had become my best friend, everyone including her friends and family hated her ex and we started hanging out every day.

It was not long after this that I finally started making my moves. We went to a party together that our mutual friend was hosting. She was already talking about reserving spots next to eachother and we were quite flirty to eachother that entire day. When we ended up going back to my place, I slept in her bed in my sister’s room. We didn’t have sex because my sister was there too but a little cuddeling couldn’t hurt anayone.

After this thing happend crazy fast. We started hangong out every day, Not even a week later we had sex and things slowly grew into a more serious loving outlook on our future. She always seemed to enjoy the sex and the way I treated her but then suddenly she started to grow distant. Her grandpa who she couldnt even contact due to family issues was dying. It really hit her hard because he loved him very much and she wanted to meet him one last time. She started growing distant and I noticed that she had started chatting with her ex again.

The comming week I spend a good amout of time analyzing her behaviour. She was constantly turning away from me typing on her phone, whenever her ex send a message she was sure to swipe it away at mach3 speeds, the bracelet she got from him was at her bedside again. I knew very well what time it was but I couldnt just accept it like that.

Suddenly she tells me how we needed a break form eachoter, she was telling me about how she had a hard time dealing with the emotinal stress she got from not being able to see her grandpa. She tells me about how “if we date now, it could never grow into something serious” and “Don’t worry about me finding another boyfriend” she was telling me how it would be nothing more than a break but I sure as hell didnt belive her.

2 days later I decided I wanted to properly talk to her as out conversation got cut short the previous time. I had send her an apology message the day before where I told her how I should have been more confident and that I should have talked more and all that . It was hard for me to send her that because she didnt even know I had been in love with her for all that time she was dating her ex. Well, we got to talking and I asked her what she was going to do, she promised me she would continue awaiting a chance to contact her grandpa and that she would live as a hermit for the comming months. I knew she was lying from her facial expression and all the clues I picked jp but he was still wearing the ring I gave her, she was still calling me cute nicknames and acted all around strange. She told me how she would contact me in 3 months and that we could be friends again and hang oit by that time but she clearly said how she probably wouldn’t want to be in a relationship for the comming year.

The worst thing though is that she told me the exact things I wrote her in that message where I wanted to truly show that I had learned from my mistakes. It was a message that came from my heart yet she used it to justify braking up.

Not even a day later I found out she was dating her ex again. She had blocked me on whatsapp so I just send a long message avoit how she could have just told me the truth and how we could have been friends still if she hadnt messed it up like this.

She knew I hated her ex, I even told her about how horrible I felt seeing him and her together when we were talking before and I was putting all this anger into this one message. I wrote about how I thought she was a horrible person for playing with me like that and many more personal jabs. I send it off to her friend and a day later when she read it she had a full on panick attack and she was very emotinal.

Now all I want to know is what could have gone trough her head, she was always the nicest person and this is the last ting I expected of her.

I know her ex reminded her of her grandpa because they both box but is this enough of a reason to ruin a friendship lik4 that?

I dont know what do do anymore, this new relationship with her ex is bound to get ruined one way or the other. Everyone hates him yet her friends and parrents were quite fond of me. If sbe ever contacts me I wouldnt knoe hoe to react

I think she was never into you the way you were into her, unfortunately.

You were there to dry her tears but she wasn't over the ex. And she still wants to be with him, even if it's going to crash and burn again. How her parents or friends feel about you isn't relevant, sad to say.

Do you know what Stockholm syndrome is? Many, many people have a sick kind of love/ obsession for their abusers. It’s kind of a twisted way of playing out childhood trauma. You are not alluring to her in the sick way she needs you to be. You were a bandaid for the rejection she was experiencing from her drug of choice. The bad news is, you’re doing the same thing. Until you heal from whatever childhood heartbreak you dealt with, you’ll continue to be attracted to broken women that you can’t fix. The good news is, she did you a favor by rejecting your love. She needs to heal and so do you. This just wasn’t meant to be. Move on!

Thanks for the advice. I do wonder though, why did her ex unblock me on whatsapp all of a sudden today? He had blocked me saying how I shouldn't contqct the girl anymore and blocked me right after but today 3 days later he unblocks me. Why?

Hi INTP,

MissCanuck and singingstick are both right. You will be better off if you stay away from her. All I have seen so far is bad news … manipulation, reeling you in, lying to you, pretending. Even if you are into her, do not go deeper because once she has you, you will be posting here again but with all kinds of pain and hurt and don’t understand why she is doing this, so and so.

He might have unblocked you because they could be in it together, snickering with whatever pranks they have in store for you. Do not trust any of them for your own sake.

Yea, I guess you're right. I couldnt imagine her doing something like that but it isn't like I expected her to cheat like that. Thanks peeps, imma let her go