Dumped for a guy she just met

Hi guys I’ve been reading a lot on this site about break ups and it’s really helped. Just wanted some advice really. So I’d been with my girl for about 2 years and we had an awesome connection and really liked each other loads. I recently went away for 3 weeks and we spoke every and video called which I’ve never done with anyone before, we totally missed each other and couldn’t get enough of each other. When I got back it was great and we were both loved up, then two weeks ago she went on holiday for a week with some friends, not the normal kind of holiday this was on a farm in the very far end and desolate part of the country. She came back really distant and has said she wants to move up there because that’s where she feels she belongs and she met a guy and swears she didn’t do anything with him and I believe her because she’s not like that but she said they had a connection. So she dumped me to go and see what her life is going to be like at this place she visited and to explore her feelings with this new guy. I’m so confused that after just a week she has completely changed her feelings about me and wants to persue this farm life and this new guy. Where as literally before she left we were totally in love and she would even get jealous if I spoke or looked at another girl.

This has broken me in half I’ve now got severe anxiety and depression from this. She said she wants to still be friends because she can’t imagine life without me being in it but to this I’ve said no because I need time to heal and find myself again. I’ve been doing NC about a week now and it’s really tough because we’ve gone from speaking everyday to nothing but I’m going to stick with it as it’ll help me heal but I also secretly want her to realise what she’s just thrown away. Can any of you pass any advice or give me your thoughts on this situation. I feel totally lost

Thank you

Ps she’s not planning on moving up there for a few months but she’s going back to visit again in a few weeks and to see the guy she met.

Sorry to hear this. You're doing the right thing with NC and not being friends. How long has she been planning this farm holiday?

Hey thanks for the response :). Her actual trip was to go to a concert but a few people from her local bar where she lives currently were tagging along and they said they were going to go up to this farm area they visit annually and that she should go with them. So that’s how she ended up going there

Is this a LDR? It sounds like one of these "few people at her bar" is the guy and this has been in the works for a while. She just confirmed it on the trip and then had the courage to break up.

Her actual trip was to go to a concert but a few people from her local bar where she lives currently

No it’s not we live quite close to each other and work with each other actually.

She went with two couples and another female friend and they knew him. He’s also currently going through a divorce

No it’s not we live quite close to each other and work with each other actually.

She went with two couples and another female friend and they knew him. He’s also currently going through a divorce

So you're the backup plan while she tries things out with this married guy?

She went with two couples and another female friend and they knew him. He’s also currently going through a divorce

I'm sorry, that's really tough. It's extra hard when there is already someone else in the picture.

You are right to go NC, you need space to heal.

You have to accept her decision. I know its sounds awful but...these things happen. It one of the risks that we take when we get into relationships - that one day they will leave us.

Whatever happened at the farm is enough for her to feel she needs something else in her life. She has the right to explore that. But it is very difficult for you I know.

I’m not sure but I wouldn’t allow myself to be anyone’s plan B. I just keep thinking maybe she’s still in the holiday buzz. Because it’s a massive move, to be moving away from her family to go and live on this farm in the middle of nowhere. I just can’t get my head around how in love we were before She left. And even while she was there she would text me telling me she missed me loads and couldn’t wait to see me or hear my voice.

What’s your thoughts on this crazy situation. When I told her we couldn’t be friends and we should cut all ties. She said she missed me and she thinks she always will.

How will the NC affect this I know it’ll help me heal. But will it give her time do think about me and about us or am I hoping for nothing? This is so messed up and hurts beyond belief. It’s all I can think about (I know it’s only a week since we broke up)

Bugal,

I'm sorry you are going through this, my heart goes out to you. There is sometimes no words to help or explain what has happened here. She was unfaithful and dishonest. Do you really want to be with someone like that?

If by chance you get back together with your ex you will be walking on egg shells waiting for this to happen again. Her behavior is not respectful of you and being disrespected is one of the hardest things for a guy. Respect is the foundation of a good relationship. She is wishy washy at best and you are paying the price now. I know this is used a lot on here, but you have dodged a bullet.

Do yourself a favor and pay that price now and move on. Go no contact and do not look back. If she contacts you get advice before you respond or don't respond at all.

Mitch

Thanks for getting back Mitch you’re right. It just seems crazy how a girl is one minute madly in love with you and the next it’s like you don’t know her. It’s super painful

I am not convinced that she is willing to move to a different location from a trip like that. First the connection has to be strong and for a woman, emotionally she has to connect with him on a level that far surpassed yours, specially on a "random" person in a limited time frame.

So I am thinking either there was another person in that party that went with her that YOU didn't know about that she fancied for a while or she already knew that guy, been talking to him for months, maybe or maybe not have brought her friends on this trip.

You may be positive that she went with her bar friends but you don't know that. They could of covered for her and doesn't even matter if they went with her or not.

Though if she met this guy online she could of brought them to be safe and make sure that the new guy wasn't crazy. Either way I highly doubt on a limited time frame she met a guy then decided to move up there. This has been in the works behind your back for months.

So yea NC. Like forever. Delete old photos, block her on all social media. Block her number on all messaging apps. Never talk yo this person. By the way if she had such an emotional connection to this guy to be able to move up near him in that trip, she defiantly slept with him. I don't care how she was or what kind of person you think she was but this time and that instance she done it or better way to say it she did him.

A lot of people try to turn people down easy. Its better for her to tell you that never happened and break up without fighting then telling you the truth. Either way she is not a keeper.

Agree, it seems out of nowhere and poorly thought out.

maybe she’s still in the holiday buzz. Because it’s a massive move, to be moving away from her family to go and live on this farm in the middle of nowhere.

To add to this absolute head f**k we went out on Saturday and had the most amazing day one of the best ones we’ve ever had and spent the night together. But when I asked her the next day if we were still on she said she didn’t know and was torn and was going back up to see her farmer guy in a few weeks confused 🤷♂️ 😐 . You’re right tho NC is the way forward more for me. I wonder if she’ll ever contact me again

You need to block this woman. She really did you wrong.

No more hangouts and contact. Treat yourself better.

Farmer Ted has likely been on the scene much longer than you know, OP.

It is far more probable that she has been hiding this guy and was very good at concealing her true feelings (from you) until she knew he felt the same way about her. It is sadly shocking how much of a performance some people can put on; sometimes it comes from a place of over-compensating for guilt of having a crush on someone else. I wouldn't believe she's just met this man and decided to change her whole life for him. No, this has almost certainly been brewing for a little while.

You will have to go No Contact if you want to maintain your sanity. I'm sorry you're experiencing this.

Her feelings are not true or real. Anyone that was as loved up as you say she was, would not have a change of heart that fast. She pretended to care and pretended to feel the same way as you.

You don't need someone like that.

You are doing the right thing in going no contact and leaving this situation. Let someone else deal with this phony.

I wonder if she’ll ever contact me again

As the saying goes, "be careful what you wish for." If/when she contacts you again, the more likely reason would be because she struck out, so to speak, leaving you in second place aka sloppy seconds.

My guess is in the short term you'll likely feel you're won the fight, yet long term you'll lose the war. Raise your standards.

Thanks guys this really helps. I’ve never been online asking advice for stuff like this before I’m normally really strong and confident. The only thing I will say tho is I gave her one of my hoodies and just the other month she had an argument with her dad and he ripped it up and she was that upset she paid more than the hoodie isn’t worth to get it repaired. If she didn’t love me then why do that? I dunno! my head is in bits tbh. I know this breakup is still really fresh and recent and it’ll take time but I feel crippled by it. I also work at the same place as she does and I’m off sick due to the anxiety:(

Thanks guys this really helps. I’ve never been online asking advice for stuff like this before I’m normally really strong and confident. The only thing I will say tho is I gave her one of my hoodies and just the other month she had an argument with her dad and he ripped it up and she was that upset she paid more than the hoodie isn’t worth to get it repaired. If she didn’t love me then why do that? I dunno! my head is in bits tbh. I know this breakup is still really fresh and recent and it’ll take time but I feel crippled by it. I also work at the same place as she does and I’m off sick due to the anxiety:(

If she didn’t love me then why do that?

Because she is a messed up girl. She can run from you to another guy within days. That's all you need to know. Don't waste more emotions or effort on this person. She is extremely fickle and wouldn't even consider looking at another guy is she cared about you like she pretended to.

Why should you have to feel threatened by another man at all if she loved you? All you can do now is protect yourself and move on.

Guilt because she knew this was coming?

Bingo.

It wouldn't be the first time I have seen something like that happen.