Help please

I did something stupid . I texted him today after 4 months . He still with girl he got with after a month after we broke up. I wanted to know if he was happy he said yes. And she is his girlfriend now. I wished him well even though I was dying , he apologized for hurting me. But I don't know how to go on with life? I don't feel like living ... I was secretly hoping we would get back together I guess .

It's really painful sweetie. Totally relatable. I was once in your shoes so you're so not alone. It hurts really, really bad and really deep, at the core of your being. Here's my best suggestion. Lay low for a while. Even though he's with her don't think it's all hunky-dory. Trust me. They have their own issues too. We tend to fantasize that our exes who are in a new relationship after our breakups are in absolute bliss. It's simply not true. Plus, she might be a rebound so again, you don't know.

Take this time to better your self, as hard as it may be. It's okay to feel this pain. Cry as much as you want. In time you will get much better. It took me almost 1 1/2 years to get over mine. Once you feel a little better you can start dating someone new. I can guarantee when you meet someone compatiable you'll get over your ex in a jiffy. Don't think for a second your ex is the be all end all. That's what I used to always think but I learned it's so not true.

And watch what you wish for. Your hopes and dreams to get with your ex just might happen when you least expect it and I bet it will happen when you have already moved on. Until then be good to yourself as best as you can. You have a challenging road ahead but you'll get through it. Guaranteed. If I did it, so can you.

I'm a little over 2 months out on my own situation. I commend you for making it 4 months. I understand, it's a daily struggle.

After he broke up with me, I knew immediately that I needed to get out of my own head. I have a tendency to get lost in my thoughts and let the anxiety build, and it becomes overwhelming. And I became afraid that I would get lost in my mind and be one of those people that take years to move on ... I didn't want that. So I made it a personal goal to practice mindfulness. Just being present in whatever you're doing. Not to focus on the past or the future, but to focus on the now. Taking some time everyday for meditation really does help me feel better. Maybe this is something you can try.

You asked him if he was happy - ask yourself, are you happy? And if you aren't, then how can you change that? Happiness is a choice and comes from within. Focus on yourself and your own happiness in the moment, not someone else's, because you're worth it.

Recovery from a break up isn't linear, it has peaks and valleys and you just hit a low. You stumbled but you didn't fall. Just keep going, maybe you needed to hear that from him so you could move on. I know it hurts and I am sorry but it does get better and you will find someone more suitable.

@Justinponders @GettingThere89 @GoodGumbo @SweetGirl28

Thank you all for replying and words of encouragement. I don't know if anyone one of u felt this way but I feel totally discouraged and like a step back now and my stomach is in knots and I feel nauseous because of all this . I couldn't sleep yesterady . I really hope it gets better . Thanks all of u for reaching out, it helps you all care .

@Justinponders @GettingThere89 @GoodGumbo @SweetGirl28

 

Thank you all for replying and words of encouragement. I don't know if anyone one of u felt this way but I feel totally discouraged and like a step back now and my stomach is in knots and I feel nauseous because of all this . I couldn't sleep yesterady . I really hope it gets better . Thanks all of u for reaching out, it helps you all care .

Hopeful,

Your name says it all, Hopeful. Please know that we have all felt this way. You are not alone and this is very "normal." You did great with 4 months of NC, so don't beat yourself up about breaking it, just get back to it. It's time to work on you again.

Get out there and stay active, exercise helps with depression. Remember to eat well as vitamin deficiencies can make depression worse. Most importantly if you find yourself having thoughts of hurting yourself please, please see your family physician. They are in the best position to help you. Right now you are going through what a lot of people feel during breakups, so don’t let your mind race in a downwards or backwards spiral. Shake yourself out of it and focus on the here and now. Depression is living in the past too much, so focus on the moment.

If you have been putting off doing something now is the time to challenge yourself. Do not sit around thinking as someone already said you need to get out of your own head. We have a tendency to convince ourselves of anything when we are feeling down. Trust me when I say you are going to not only be okay, but you will be better if you work on you.

We are all here for you.

Mitch

Im sorry for what youre going through, Hopeful. 4 months is a long time. I am not far behind you and I often wonder if Id get the same gut punch that you did after reaching out. I agree with JustinPonders...lay low, cry, feel the pain. It is the only choice we have, im afraid. But we will be healing. We will be stronger when this is done because we are facing the pain head-on. And you never know, maybe one day they will come back. At that point we will probably not want them back. I think they have a way of knowing that the invisible cord has been cut.

Good luck to you. Just let the tears out. Happiness is only a tear away!

I agree with Justin, just because he’s in a relationship doesn’t mean it’s a good relationship. And don’t let any “happy” social media posts fool ya! You will get through this.

@ wgmitch thank u for the advice

@SweetGirl28 thank u , you always gave some good advice. I guess somewhere deep inside I had hope we we going to get back together . I am having a hard time because how could he pick a girl he only know months over a girl he is known almost 4 years . I know that is counter productive but I can't help these feelings . I guess telling u eases the pain a tiny bit .

@TeddyPSmith Thank u and I think I am so cried out idk if I have any more tears .

@DaisyMayPorter ....thank u so much for saying that .