Passive Aggressive FB Memes!

I know what the main responses will be here, "Block her", "Stop stalking", etc, etc. but recently my ex has been posting some PA things of social meda, e.g. "Don't settle for ty men" and the like. i just wonder what peoples' take on this is? It happened a lot after we split, but then went quiet. Since I started NC, only 3 days ago with LC before that, that one has now appeared! Speculating here but, could it be just the case that she's getting annoyed that i've not been in touch to stroke her ego, maybe that's the first affect on her of NC? I don't know, I know it's stupid of me to even think about it but, to be honest, seeing that is actually helping me a bit. Do I need someone with this childish behaviour in my life?? I think not!

Probably not, the way she reacts says enough. You know her better than we do. If you say she wants her ego to be stroked you're probably right mate ;) Her low self-esteem needs confirmation from you, and you're not giving it. Take comfort in the fact that you're the 'better' one here and show her you are self-confident and don't give a about her childeous behavior.

Some people cope with breakups by posting all sorts of stuff on social media, often these types of expressions, philosophy, affirmations, rants, etc. Probably intended for her friends and family, not you.

Probably not, the way she reacts says enough. You know her better than we do. If you say she wants her ego to be stroked you're probably right mate ;) Her low self-esteem needs confirmation from you, and you're not giving it. Take comfort in the fact that you're the 'better' one here and show her you are self-confident and don't give a about her childeous behavior.

Low self-esteem is bang on the money, she's always suffered from it, regardless of what I, or anyone, said to her. Can't help but worry about her sometimes but I'm definitely better here, I'll not be rising to it and I'm definitely working on myself. Almost seems like, even though she was the one to instigate the breakup, she's struggling more than me.

Some people cope with breakups by posting all sorts of stuff on social media, often these types of expressions, philosophy, affirmations, rants, etc. Probably intended for her friends and family, not you.

Quite possibly not meant for me but who knows. She's obviously not willing to unfriend me but gives me the line, "Oh, it's probably not helping you seeing what I'm up to all the time!" Truth is, she's not up to anything, it's me that's getting out and about and moving on, although I don't feel the need to post about it on Facebook to the world.

Oh, and by the way, even I can tell that I'm not a "s-h-itty man" which is what the first post should have said - forgot it gets filtered!

Low self-esteem is bang on the money, she's always suffered from it, regardless of what I, or anyone, said to her. Can't help but worry about her sometimes but I'm definitely better here, I'll not be rising to it and I'm definitely working on myself. Almost seems like, even though she was the one to instigate the breakup, she's struggling more than me.

Well you're right then ! You were the one feeding her self-esteem, now she doesn't have that anymore and it's her own damn fault. Imagine how she feels about that. She might just spread things on social media because she seeks confimation elsewere

Well you're right then ! You were the one feeding her self-esteem, now she doesn't have that anymore and it's her own damn fault. Imagine how she feels about that. She might just spread things on social media because she seeks confimation elsewere

Yeah, and she's not getting it, very few people interact with these messages.

Isn't it your job to unfriend/unfollow delete and block her from your social media?

She's obviously not willing to unfriend me

Yeah, and she's not getting it, very few people interact with these messages.

Ofcourse not, why would you? xd I know a girl who never uses facebook. Then she broke up with her boyfriend and suddenly she starts posting all sorts of wise english lines she found on the internet, describing her bad life. Well, same story, different girl. I like that girl, she's always been nice to me, but I simply don't respond because I don't want to be a replacement for the confirmation she got from her ex-boyfriend.

It's one of the worst aspects of social media, and undoubtedly bad for the mental health of the poster. She's probably thinking, oh this is super profound and everyone will feel for me. When only 5 likes come, and no comments, it'd be a bit of a kick in the teeth. It's not for me and I'm glad I've stopped posting.

Yes that's very true. Take comfort in the fact that you're learning something here and doing better now moving on. Don't hate her for it, she can't help it. You shouldn't feel sorry either because it was her who first wanted to break up. You're good mate, you learned a lesson and if I hear about this you're better of without her ;)

Good luck in life bro ;)

But you are the one obsessed with her and her social media and every minute detail of the posts, likes, comments, etc.. So who's teeth are being kicked in?

She's probably thinking....

But you are the one obsessed with her and her social media and every minute detail of the posts, likes, comments, etc.. So who's teeth are being kicked in?

Hm...I see what you're saying. I'm not exactly obsessed, just noticing, albeit this post is dragging on!! I'm done with it now!

You're paying too much attention to her social media if you know the number of "likes" or comments on her posts, OP.

So, really, her juvenile tactic is working. You are watching and taking note.

I totally appreciate that, and that I shouldn't be, it was just a general wondering!

I swear we dated the same woman. Or just got out of the same relationship.

Logically, you're very aware of the big picture here. Regardless of what her intentions may be here (coping, attention-seeking, ego satiation, even a clumsy way of letting you know she's having doubts) you know that her approach will in no way lead to the sort of sustainable relationship you want. With her, with anyone. It is, in a word, too immature.

And yet, as other's have pointed out: it IS working. It's getting under your skin and in your head enough to air it out here. And that's okay. Accepting that, figuring that part out—that's the work to do right now, and it's hard, because it means wondering why you got into this for so long. It means accepting that you were an equal contributor in a toxic dynamic rather than the victim of an immature woman.

Perhaps there was a point where this sort of thing did work well for the two of you: you were the stable one, she the volatile one, etc. Maybe there was a point where that's what you both needed, and partly why you're now apart is that she STILL needs that constant boost and you could no longer provide it because, ultimately, and maybe all the while, what you need is something else, something more...well, stable, so you don't have to carry the weight you once got a kick out carrying. Maybe you both inhabited those roles even when the relationship was at its best, and maybe you kinda sorta knew that but, well, it was really fun and really hot and really comfortable so it was easy enough to not pay too close attention to the cracks.

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Just riffing here. I can't tell you the head-spinning stuff I've dealt with on social media. Backhanded this, aggressive that—seven months out it's still happening, and I blocked her and she blocked me the week we broke up. It gets under my skin in a million ways, but the sharpest thorn remains the simple fact that it gets under my skin: what that says about me, where I am, why I invested so much time in a specific person, and the work I still need to do.

While you are wasting time on her wondering and obsessing about her posts, everyone else is out dating and she is moving on. Instead of this futile stalking activity you could be on dating apps meeting girls who want to be with you.

I totally appreciate that, and that I shouldn't be, it was just a general wondering!

I think you need to understand and accept that her posts have absolutely nothing to do with you anymore and move on. It's not passive aggressive, it's not some coded message directed to you, it's just nothing at all. She saw, she liked, she posted - she gave you exactly zero thought when she did it. The sooner you realize that, perhaps the sooner you'll be able to move on.

I know you don't want to hear it, but do actually block her from your social media and stop trolling what she posts trying to read some deeper meaning into it. It's not her who is being childish here, it's you, OP.

Yes, I get it, I’m done with that now, it was stupid :(

Yes, I get it, I’m done with that now, it was stupid :(

Think of it as a rabbit hole you needed to go down to learn a lesson. And remember: the minute you're turning to social media for clues, and/or someone is using social media to send smoke signals of any sort, is just more confirmation of the depths of the corrosion. Something about your dynamic is bringing out the least mature sides of both of you.

My ex is blatant with her use of social media as some kind of tactical medium, always was. When she was the most depressed is when the my-life-is-great photos came out. When she felt most insecure it was bikini shots. She was constantly on me for not posting enough photos of her, even though my feed is very clearly professional, which of course was a red flag I ignored. I've also ignored a number of very direct posts about me. And, most recently, I've ignored her attacking me for posting the most harmless stuff you can imagine: sunsets in foreign lands, an old female friend hanging by my bike.

It's all just a sad reminder that we didn't work.

And it took me months to accept that. Now she is blocked everywhere: phone, email, everywhere. If she wants to snoop she can—that's easy enough. But I don't look at any of her stuff, and while that adds to the void it also makes me calm. You'll get there, are getting there.