Why do I stay with her while she has a boyfriend?

I've been in this situation for 3 years now. I love a girl and I hate her at the same time. We had like 5 or 6 breakups during these 3 years, but every single time we get back together. She's very demanding and manipulative. She gets upset very often except when she wants me back. She also has good characteristics, and I love how she looks, but in general she's pretty ed up. I am someone that doesn't judge people and always tries to see the best in them. It's a positive characteristic but in this situation it makes my love life miserable.

The worst part is that she had a boyfriend al that time, and I knew that. I feel ashamed and hurt very often, but I try to forget about that. I know this is ed up but she's my first love. Well, admitting on this forum that I've been dating someone else's girlfriend for 3 years makes me feel even worse...

I'm in this endless circle which I can't manage to break... I feel hopeless. If you want to say: just ditch her and block her on every platform, you're absolutely right. But I can't, at this point there's nothing she's doing wrong, we're not kissing or something, except she's texting sexy stuff and making my imagination go crazy... (shame on me but I still like it, even tough she has a boyfriend)

Any advice to get out of this madness? I need it...

Well, she's been abusing you for all these years and you've formed an emotional dependency on her. It's a very toxic relationship and you're not the first person and you won't be the last to complain that you can't break up with the person who causes you so much grief. She's nice to you just enough to keep you on her leash. I think it's even worse with you because she's cheating on her boyfriend with you.

I don't know how many more reasons you need to drop this girl, but it's all up to you. You know what you have to do. It's up to you when you do it.

Send her boyfriend the sexy messages she's been sending you. That will end it pretty quick.

What does she want from me then if I'm on her leash? Sometimes when she's with me she can't stop touching and kissing me. Is this love? What if she truly loves me but simply can't let go of her stable relationship? Can I blame her for that?

When you're truly in love do you act demanding and manipulative?

Send her boyfriend the sexy messages she's been sending you. That will end it pretty quick.

I've been thinking about that... Is this smart? I will probably hate myself because I find it an evil thing to do... I'm not like that, doing this will cause pain for me, the girl and her boyfriend. I feel like it's not my call to make such a big decision.

When you're truly in love do you act demanding and manipulative?

Good question. I know why she is the way she is because of her low self esteem. She needs alot of comfirmation and she's seeing a therapist to work on that.

Your responses indicate you don't really want to end this affair.

Are you hoping that if you stick around long enough she'll ditch her boyfriend and promote you to boyfriend status?

Euhm.. You're right, I don't really want to end it but I know I should...

You're probably right, I do hope for that.. I've never had a girlfriend and I'm 22 years old now. I also have erythrophobia, and it gets worse when our 'relationship' gets worse

Have you ever actually dated? It sounds like you have a crush on her but you haven't gone out and tried to date real girls that want to date you.

I've never had a girlfriend and I'm 22 years old now.

Have you ever actually dated? It sounds like you have a crush on her but you haven't gone out and tried to date real girls that want to date you.

Well, I have, but me dating someone who's interested in me is rather rare. I don't meet new girls either so no, not really

You should not be the one to tell her boyfriend about this girl and your relationship. I have thought about it as well and the conclusion that I came up with, there really isn't any gain for you here. I can almost guarantee that she will not come running to you once he finds out.

1. You tell him, he confronts her, she pleads and deny it then she never talks to you again for breaking what little trust you have with each other.

2. You tell him, she denies it, he believes her and now out for revenge on you.

3. You tell him, she don't deny it but still don't come tanning to you because you broke what little trust you have e with each other.

There are more scenarios I have thought about but you get the idea. At the end of the day here relationship with her boyfriend is her business so don't get in between that.

You on the other hand and knowing the situation already know what you are supposed to do. Its up to you I guess to do what you think its right.

I've been in those same shoes man. You want her to just be with you and show it through her actions then you can forgive what happened in the past. However in the back of your mind when she claims to go out with her friends you will always wonder. You will wonder what she is doing and who she is with or even if she is lying to you. You will get paranoid when every time her phone rings or make a noise you will always wonder who it is. You don't want to live like that.

Why do I stay with her while she has a boyfriend?

She's very demanding and manipulative.

And your self confidence was low from the start, now it's gotten even lower. It's the dynamic manipulative people seek in order to form relationships.

Don't blame yourself, but love yourself and move on. Do it by text if it's hard for you, get some friends to help, tell them to even tell her if it comes to that. Don't beat yourself up about being the other man, things like this happen all the time and most of the "other" men/women are in a similar state of mind and get easily sucked up in it.

Also, you should get some therapy and find out why you chose to be in a situation like this with a person like this, but mostly to start loving yourself again. It will help you leave it easier too!

Take care and keep us posted!

Send her boyfriend the sexy messages she's been sending you. That will end it pretty quick.

I've been in this situation for 3 years now. I love a girl and I hate her at the same time. We had like 5 or 6 breakups during these 3 years, but every single time we get back together. She's very demanding and manipulative. She gets upset very often except when she wants me back. She also has good characteristics, and I love how she looks, but in general she's pretty ed up. I am someone that doesn't judge people and always tries to see the best in them. It's a positive characteristic but in this situation it makes my love life miserable.

There is an issue within when you continue to allow another to do disrespectful and emotionally harmful things to you in the guise of you not "judging them."

The worst part is that she had a boyfriend al that time, and I knew that. I feel ashamed and hurt very often, but I try to forget about that. I know this is ed up but she's my first love. Well, admitting on this forum that I've been dating someone else's girlfriend for 3 years makes me feel even worse...

I'm in this endless circle which I can't manage to break... I feel hopeless. If you want to say: just ditch her and block her on every platform, you're absolutely right. But I can't, at this point there's nothing she's doing wrong, we're not kissing or something, except she's texting sexy stuff and making my imagination go crazy... (shame on me but I still like it, even tough she has a boyfriend)

Any advice to get out of this madness? I need it...

You have an addiction that needs treating.

Have you ever met in person? Is she a catfish or escort? It seems she likes the attention, if she's real. You never dated no less been in a relationship. It sounds like sexting.

we're not kissing or something, except she's texting sexy stuff and making my imagination go crazy..

At this point we're not seeing each other that much. She wants me back and says she regrets her mistakes. I'm not planning on touching her again but that's what I always say after each 'breakup'. Next time she's trying to convince me in any way, I will try to tell her that she has to stop trying, that I don't want her anymore. I have told her that many times, but she's very clever and knows how to get what she wants without 'trying'.

1tym: I see that you've been in those shoes. You describe perfectly how this relationship has made me feel. I'm glad you got out !

Cope: Yes my self-confidence was low before that relationship, you're right about that.

ThatWasThen: You may be right about that characteristic. This is something I'll think about, thank you for your advice! Are there any ways I can improve my self-respect without a therapist?

Wiseman2: Yes I have ever met this person..? Not that much anymore, but we used to see each other 2 or 3 times a week. What are you trying to point out with your negative posts? That I'm being in a bad situation? Well thanks for the advice.

Here is what you do. Ready

Stop ******* talking to her and man up. Your a freaking wet blanket. Start respecting yourself and forget she ever existed.

Block her on everything so she can’t contact you. Delete all the contact information you have for her. If she ever does get through tell her sorry wrong number then hang up.

Really, no one deserves to be treated the way this girl has been treating you.

She's using you for attention and as an ego boost. She knows you have no other options besides her so she can do as she pleases you you eat all her crap with a spoon.