He wants to just abandon the kids...

Hi, all...

I posted almost a year ago about my relationship with my husband and that I was miserable a lot of the time because I felt like he was literally like our youngest child and it just got worse...all I've ever asked of him was to help me with the cleaning and to just be a dad to the kids! That's all I've ever asked. I feel like I was a decent wife, not perfect, but I really tried...

I knew he had a not so great childhood. His dad cheated and walked out of his life when he was around 12. He said he never had a real childhood, so I always tried to do things that I thought he missed out on. He said that he thinks I never loved him but I feel like all I did was try to do things that would make him happy and I always put him and the kids first, I rarely do anything for myself...and for a long time, I ignored things that he'd do...but after we had my son, I just started feeling so unappreciated...I did everything for him and when I finally started getting frustrated with him and asking him to do stuff, he'd get so mad...I work 40 hours a week, in retail, I'm on my feet all day while he is sitting at a computer all day...but I come home, everyday, and help my daughter with her homework, spend time with them, make dinner, clean, do the laundry, and take them to whatever extracurriculars they have, everyday, by myself, and when I ask him for help he says to me "you want me to make most of the money and help at home too?"...I never felt so hurt in my life...that was around Christmas and he's literally just been such a since then, so I don't even know why I'm so upset...but he is the one miserable and he's the one that wants to leave...

He won't go to counseling... I asked him that when this all first started...and sometimes I think he has a depression issue that he needs get help for...but he doesn't want to take care of himself...he's got decent health insurance and dental insurance but he hasn't been to either one since I've been married to him...his teeth are literally falling apart, but he won't go...his excuse is that I spend all of the money...My shoes are 4 years old, the last piece of clothing is a pair of jeans, that I wear almost all of my off days that I got from walmart for $7...I don't get my hair done, even though I should, I don't hang out with friends...i pay the bills and make sure that they have everything they need...I'll admit that we went on a family vacation in November to Disney/Universal and I used the tax return s to pay for it, but he agreed to it, and my whole family was going and my 10 year old was so excited for it...but like I said, he agreed to it...i paid for it, but right before we left, he was so upset and said we could have used the money for other stuff...so thst was my fault also :-/...

I can't ever win with him...I know I'm not perfect...the last three years have been hard because I've been tired and feel like I've been doing everything for everyone else and no help (the 10 year old has been getting it to for the no help part) and I've probably said things that I shouldn't have said...but now that he wants to actually leave the kids, I can't believe it...I know what type of person he is, and unless he changes, if he goes back to Massachusetts (we live in Va) he will never see them again and it makes me so sad. I dont understand why he would do that to his own kids, especially after his own childhood! And, if he's going to just leave them, at least acknowledge them while you're still here! Our daughter is 10...it's such a crucial time for a little girl, she's about to start middle school...I'm so worried about how this is going to affect her thinking...and my 3 year old son, who looks just like him, is walking around saying that daddy doesnt like him...they don't even talk to him most of the time...and he doesn't talk to them...and I just want him to get out but I can't even pay for this place without him...and I'm so mad at myself, I went to school for 4 years but didn't finish my degree because I married him and then had our daughter...I'm so lost...part of me wants him gone so bad just because he's being a complete , these last few months have been a nightmare...but a small part wishes that for once he'd just try to work it out...

I'm so sorry this is so long...i don't have friends like I used to and my family knows some, but not all, and I just don't have anyone to talk to any more...

Well, it sounds like your husband has been abusing you and the kids for a long time now. Since he's threatening to leave, you need to scrape together whatever money you can so you can pay the rent somewhere and take care of your family. Find out where the local welfare office is. You probably will be eligible for food stamps and other benefits when he leaves. Have the 10-year old help you as much as she can. You may be able to get child support out of him, so you might need to find a free or non-profit lawyer. It will be difficult, but you will feel much better to be out from under him. If he doesn't leave, then think about leaving him.

One of the benefits from my job is legal coverage, so I can actually hire a lawyer that way and it's all covered. I was almost finished with my degree, I needed to do my thesis and a few other just elective courses, but I'm not sure how that works...my parents live in the same school district and they wouldn't let us be homeless, I know, but who wants to move back in with their parents at 33 years old...but unless I can find a better job there's no way that I will be able to afford to live where we are and that means my daughter will have to leave every thing she's ever known and that makes me so sad for her and mad at him!

I know that it's not a good situation...but it used to be. He used to, at least, be happy and nice...lazy, yes...but it's like, we had our son and then I needed help and he was just so mean after awhile...and I just don't understand....and now, he is a completely different person...

I'd use your benefits to get legal advice for my location on exactly what my options are, along with the best steps I'd need to take for each option. From there you can make decisions based on actual information rather than emotions alone.

It needs to be your own decision. But I think you should leave because it's better for you, for your kids and for your health. You need to take care of yourself and kids, it matters. He needs to understand that he is an adult. You can't change him. This is a destructive relationship between you and him. Such relationship can ruin your personality he also shows a bad example to your son. It's so easy to get information about divorce these days. I would start with researching about online divorce services because it's time-saving and doesn't cost so much. There are a lot of opportunities to file for a divorce in your state and county, for instance, onlinedivorce.com/divorce/texas