Is this normal mother-in-law behavior?

I only hear from my MIL when she wants something. For example, she sends me instructions of what she wants for Christmas in September (and it is usually something that is a pain, not just something I can buy for her) or she will contact me when she wants me to order something for her or she will contact me when she wants to tell me what food I will be in charge of for Thanksgiving. This is her assuming we are even coming for Thanksgiving. She doesn't ask, she tells!

I got pregnant back in October. My husband told his mom and she didn't say anything to me personally (no congrats) until I told my husband I thought that was rude. Then I got a quick text from her. I miscarried shortly after and she never said a word about it. No "I'm sorry for your loss". The first text I got from her was about a month later when she told me my instructions for Thanksgiving. When I followed her thanksgiving food instruction, she commented "you followed your instructions like a good little wife".

Another issue I have is, every time my husband does something for me or my parents, she has to ask why we did not do the same for her too. If my husband posts a facebook photo of him mowing my parents lawn, she will be the first to post "You can come here and mow my lawn too". Note:she does not even have a lawn. I really want to tell her: My husband helps my parents out because 1.) my dad has stage 4 cancer 2.) My parents have done A LOT for him and us. My husbands parents have done nothing for me. Also, my MIL has a perfectly healthy husband and grandson living with her that can do yard work. My dad can't do yard work. Another example, when I post a picture of flowers my husband gives me, she will say "You could bring your mother some flowers".

We are moving soon to our first house. When I told my parents, they were excited for us and offered to help in any way that they can. When my husband told his mom she said something like "oh yeah, where?" She didn't say anything to me personally about it. Nonetheless, I know my MIL will be the first to stop by to scope out the house in a judgmental way, but not offer a congrats or help with moving. I know she will take a look around as others are helping move stuff and then leave (this happened in previous moves).

I don't know. Maybe I just grew up differently, but it's just become a bit much. Any advice on the analysis of her behavior and how to handle it? I generally just stay away but that is not always possible, especially with social media or hearing from her when she has a request. She has a "sweet to my face" approach that makes it hard to stand up to her.

I would let your husband handle it. She is his people after all and anything you say will be disregarded. As a person who has had crappy in-laws for almost 30 years I feel for you . But really let him handle it your mother-in-law will totally disregard anything you have to say anyway .

There are so many books out there for setting boundaries with difficult people. I highly recommend reading one of them.

I don't know if the MIL has been ignored and this is the only way to get attention, or what her issue is. Is your husband a mama's boy or does he ignore her and that's why she comes to you for attention? Does he stand up to his mother, such as if you want to spend a holiday by yourselves or with others besides her once in a while, or does he want to give in to her to avoid the pouting, etc?

As far as the difficult Christmas gift, tell your husband it's his mother, and he needs to tell her the gift is too stressful to purchase and she can be surprised by something he and you choose. Your husband needs to be the one setting the boundaries, and make sure he knows you two are a team, and he needs to avoid telling his mother that you're the one instigating the boundaries (don't let him make you the bad guy).

Well, I think your biggest problem is you're taking "mom" too seriously. I can understand that you want to please her, but when she said, you can mow my lawn too, when she doesn't even have a lawn you should laugh because I think she's trying to be funny. I don't think she's actually asking for you to mow her lawn. The same with the flowers, just laugh and say you'll remember that the next time. Likewise, when she tells you what to make for Thanksgiving and Christmas, tell her, I'm bringing a Bundt cake or whatever you want to bring and leave it at that.

She's just the kind of person who's not going to be pleasant, so stop expecting congratulations or condolences from her. If anything, you'll get a snarky or critical comment from it. Just ignore it. And tell your husband to stop wimping out. Stand up for yourselves. "Mom" will respect you guys if you do.

Focus on the bigger problems of life.

She sounds annoying but nobody is perfect. As for the fb posts, I'd also have a funny comeback. Older folks on fb crack me up with those type of posts, Facebook is a great distraction for them especially if they are retired. One day, you won't be getting notifications of her posts and phone calls and texts. You'll someday miss them. And someday you'll realize how silly it was to be upset over her comments that she likely means no harm from saying.

It seems like there is a bigger issue here. She is feeling left out or less important. You don't have to justify any of this to us. It's a different circumstance from your parents to his. She will get over it. Also, maybe you should stop posting to social media a lot. That can fix a lot of the problem.

I'd just ignore her, grin and bear it and I'd just put it down to her being jealous of any attention someone other then her may be getting.

Do you ever reach out to her, just call and ask how she's doing? I used to call my MIL once a week just to see how her and my FIL were doing. . If I didn't call, we went to their place for a cup of tea on Sunday afternoon. Then went over to my Mom and Dads for a wee visit. They lived five minutes apart from one another.

Boundaries and neutral but sincere answers as well as clear yeses and nos would help ease thing for you. Also ignore orders or lists or other controlling behaviors.