Husband Wants Sex When I'm Sick and Argues If I say No.

My husband of 6 months wants sex AT LEAST once a day, usually more. I am a very sexual person myself, usually, and am perfectly fine with this, but since I've been with this guy I've been having lots of problems "down there"; urinary tract infections and yeast infections, and a lot of bruising which I think MIGHT be from having sex so much or when he can't get a hard on so he wants to grind on me until he gets an erection and not giving my body enough time in between to rest. He's also would argue and want sex when I was sick with bronchitis. He doesn't do any foreplay, he just rushes and penetrating me, then he has his orgasm and it's over. He always leaves me hanging without an orgasm. He makes me feel like I've been raped.

This causes a HUGE problem in our relationship, not because I'm getting sick all the time, but because even when I am sick my husband still demands sex. If I tell him no he gets mad and goes off on an angry rant about how "selfish" I am for turning him down. That a Christian Godly wife would give him sex because they Bible says so. He says that if I can't have vaginal sex with him I should at least give him oral, a handjob, because that's what a wife who loves her husband would do to make her man happy, and that's what he would do for me if roles were reversed. A nasty argument ALWAYS ensues, focused around how "self centered" I am. So I would just give in to keep the peace, I would have sex with him just to prevent being shamed by him and called selfish.

The sex feels comparable to date rape when it happens, I am FORCED TO AGREE TO HAVE SEX, just to prevent arguments. If I dare decline him there is hell to pay. I went along with this for a long time. As more and more time passed I felt more and more violated, angry, used and abused. I started resenting him a lot, I was tired of the pressure and guilt tripping. I tried to explain my feelings so many times, but he just does not agree with my side of this and maintains that he is right and I am wrong and "selfish" if I turn him down because I'm not in a sexual mood or can't have vaginal sex.

I got really mad one day, about a week ago, and decided that I wouldn't put up with it anymore. I yelled and screamed and threw a fit until I felt like he got it through his thick skull, that emotionally blackmailing me for sex is WRONG. He says he would stop doing it.

But today the monster has reared its ugly head once again. We got into an argument over sex. He accused me of intentionally playing games with him and teasing him last night and this morning because last night he suggested we do something sexual later on and I said "yeah, maybe", but when the time came I just was not in the mood because I am sick in bed with bronchitis, and this morning he woke me up rubbing all over me like he wanted to do something. I said I needed some water, mostly just so I could remove myself from the situation because I was WAY TOO TIRED to enjoy, let alone tolerate his heavy petting. Now he claims I said "I need some water first", implying that I would have sex with him after I had water. But I don't want to have sex and never did, and now he's very angry at me. I wasn't intentionally playing games with him, but now he's calling me a liar. He told me again that not sexually pleasing him is "selfish" on my part, and that I should at least do something like oral/hand to sexually satisfy him because he's horny and needs it... But I am just not even in the mood to do that, mostly because I feel like he pressured me about it too much. I broke down and cried in front of him twice this morning while we were arguing, but he doesn't seem to care that this is hurting me.

I am so frustrated and I don't know what to do. Should I leave him? Should I comply? Am I in the wrong here? Is it wrong for me to not sexually please him whenever he wants it? Am I a bad wife ? Am I selfish for not giving him oral sex when I have bronchitis, yeast infection or UTI? I feel like he has no compassion for my situation and only thinks about himself, and he claims that it's the opposite, and that if I cared about him at all I'd do whatever I could to sexually satisfy him because he's such a "giver" that he'd do it for me if roles were reversed. Please help me.

I'm not a female. But I wouldn't take that. That is pretty messed up as I read it. Since you are married then maybe counseling first before anything?

You should leave and not look back. He is controlling and abusive and uses sex as a weapon. You should NEVER feel that sex with a loved one is rape. He is inconsiderate and messed up and you are not getting anything worthwhile out of this relationship.

Has he ever physically assaulted you? Do you have children? Do you have no means of financial independence just 6 months into the marriage?

Don't get me wrong. Your husband is 100% wrong. You don't even need to have bronchitis to reserve the right to refuse sex whenever and however often you want to. "I'm not feeling it" is just as valid as being bedridden. But putting out because you don't want to deal with an argument isn't something I'm prepared to equate to coercion, which implies you don't have agency. It's certainly bumping against the boundaries of it, but you've got to exercise your power to remove yourself from the situation (for your own safety, not fault or responsibility). Do you have family? Friends? Even women's shelters nearby should push come to shove? Money of your own, or a joint account you could pull money out of to do what you need to do? Whatever you want to call it, this isn't tolerable behavior, and it's safe to say your marriage is ****ed. Not being hyperbolic when I say you've got to get out of there before it does evolve to full-blown coercion or forced physical rape. Though a scary situation within any timeframe, the fact he hasn't even waited until the honeymoon has been paid is a pretty strong testament to how quickly this very well could escalate.

Have you gone to your doctor for a complete workup including STDs? If he's a sex addict you don't know what he's bringing home that could mimic the symptoms. Also discuss this confidentially with your doctor including the forced sex and bruising. Ask them to take pictures and document this. Marital rape is illegal in the US, so do not consent. Read up on this.

At the same time contact a pastor (unless you are in a cult, which it sounds like) and discuss the forced sex. Also do some reading on abusive relationships and controlling relationships. In the meantime say no and walk away and do not discuss it further.

You are being emotionally and physically abused. Basically you are being raped. You need to leave this situation and get help. You should call any of the abuse hotlines in your area to find out what to do.

Was this guy like this before you married him? You could file criminal charges against him and no court in the world would deny you a divorce. Please get out. You need to heal both physically and mentally.

Good god please get out, nothing here is ok

Your husband sounds terrible.

I want sex everyday too but I've not an abusive @sshole about it.

I can't conceive why you are with a person like that.

I wouldn't treat an enemy as bad as he is treating you.

Wow.....shocking to read.... You are being mentally, physically, emotionally, and sexually abused. There is simply no way to sugar coat this. Please go see your doctor and talk to them honestly about what's going on. You are being raped and marital rape is illegal. This is beyond getting counseling - you need to get out of this today. Get away from him and go to an abused women's shelter or any place to stay where he can't track you down. For this reason I don't recommend family or friends who may encourage you to work things out due to religious beliefs or misplaced caring or any place where he can find you. Also speak to an attorney and file for divorce. Today. Your situation is bad enough where you need serious professional help from more neutral parties with the knowledge and experience to get you out of this.

I'd kick him to the curb. No excuse for abuse.

Yes this is abusive. Just saying 'no' should be the end if it...let alone when you're sick with bronchitis. I would definetely....at the very least leave for a few days until you decide what you need to do, this sounds horrible. Sorry you're having to deal with this.

Regarding the UTI's and yeast infections, could be because of what is going, could be because he is also sleeping around on you. A roommate of mine had an almost identical situation as you describe - constant issues with UTI's, yeast infections, it was kind of crazy and she presumed it was just her body. Turned out her bf was sleeping around and cheating. The moment she got rid of him, she stopped having these kinds of issues and didn't have them with the following bf. Basically the dude was sleeping around and spreading bacteria/disease. Luckily for her she found out and dumped him before getting anything more serious from him. It was actually her doctor who finally tipped her off as in had a serious talking to with her that her situation is not normal and something else must be going on to be causing these ongoing infections. Not only do you need to remove yourself from this madness, OP, you should also get a full STD panel done to make sure he hasn't shared anything else with you.

I’ve been in this situation... it won’t change no matter how much you scream and yell because you end up giving in at the end of it all... the only way to change it is to either leave, or to get serious and start recording his conversations with the intent of charging him with assault.

I’ve been in this situation... it won’t change no matter how much you scream and yell because you end up giving in at the end of it all... the only way to change it is to either leave, or to get serious and start recording his conversations with the intent of charging him with assault.

Barely 6 months in, she can just divorce him and be done. Doubt they have built up so much that there is much to argue over in terms of assets. Quite frankly, walking away and leaving him period, stuff and all might well be money incredibly well spent.

Regarding the UTI's and yeast infections, could be because of what is going, could be because he is also sleeping around on you. A roommate of mine had an almost identical situation as you describe - constant issues with UTI's, yeast infections, it was kind of crazy and she presumed it was just her body. Turned out her bf was sleeping around and cheating. The moment she got rid of him, she stopped having these kinds of issues and didn't have them with the following bf. Basically the dude was sleeping around and spreading bacteria/disease. Luckily for her she found out and dumped him before getting anything more serious from him. It was actually her doctor who finally tipped her off as in had a serious talking to with her that her situation is not normal and something else must be going on to be causing these ongoing infections. Not only do you need to remove yourself from this madness, OP, you should also get a full STD panel done to make sure he hasn't shared anything else with you.

You can get UTIs from sex if you always go right to sleep and don't urinate/rinse off before bed. You can get one from having sex and then immediately putting on underwear that doesn't breathe, etc. I mean, not rinsing off or putting clothes back on right away once isn't going to do it -- but if its consistent, it an happen for sure -

That being said -- why did you marry this man? He shows no care and concern for you.

I would go to your OB/GYN and tell them what is going on -- and when you return tell him you have an infection and can't have sex for x days or weeks and then i think you should plan to leave.

Sorry to hear you're going through this. Religiously speaking he is correct in that if he's asking the wife is supposed to incline towards yes. However, even with this, the wife has similar rights. He can't leave with just his satisfaction, he is supposed to satisfy his wife. When the wife is on her deathbed he can't come by and say satisfy me before you go, he has to be considerate. You are sick and he has to be considerate of your condition. And finally, if you cannot keep up with God's requirement then it's time for a divorce. So right now I would say it is time for a divorce.

There are other things here though. He is using religion to his advantage when the whole point of religion is to be more reasonable, considerate, and giving to others. Based on how he is using religion he's not very religious and is not a good husband. He tries manipulation to get what he wants and claims you say things when you don't. He sounds selfish and abusive. If he is so willing to make you happy then here, why doesn't he leave you alone while you're sick to make you happy? Heck if he's so willing how does he not satisfy you when you're satisfying him all these times?

Other than the above that says divorce, people are different. Just because he can go everyday doesn't mean others can. So his claim that he would do it if the roles were reversed isn't valid. What if you wanted 20 times a day, would he then fulfill your needs? Overall though, just not a considerate guy, reads into religion for what he can get, not what he should give, gets angry too fast, is selfish and I think you need a better guy.

Sorry to hear you're going through this. Religiously speaking he is correct in that if he's asking the wife is supposed to incline towards yes

religiously speaking, this is flat out dead wrong. Unless you are speaking of a religion i am not familiar with. The husband also loves and CHERISHES the wife -- and cares for her wellbeing as he does his own body. This is abusive and totally against her well-being.

That a Christian Godly wife would give him sex because they Bible says so. He says that if I can't have vaginal sex with him I should at least give him oral, a handjob,

Your husband is a selfish lover. Why not go to the book store and get some books on Adult sexuality and read them together. Tell him you have needs to and that if the books don't help him to get those needs met then perhaps a psycho-sexual therapist can help him to understand what his role is in the sex life of a married couple. Right now, he hasn't a clue.

There is such a thing has martial rape and that is what he’s doing to her. In the eye of the law (at least in the US) you CAN be raped by your spouse if you do not give him consent.

I’d flat out leave the creep. I’d also get an attorney and sue for martial rape and emotional damages. I lost my sex drive while pregnant and I can’t imagine being married to a guy like this. He needs help.

So I'm not in this religion but yes marriage is about meeting each other's needs:

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Corinthians 7:3-5:

 

The husband should give to his wife her conjugal rights, and likewise the wife to her husband. For the wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does. Likewise the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does. Do not deprive one another, except perhaps by agreement for a limited time, that you may devote yourselves to prayer; but then come together again, so that Satan may not tempt you because of your lack of self-control.

***

 

That's what her husband is using. I don't know if you read past the first line though as I go on to say he is abusing his rights and she needs a divorce. He's not pleasing her and isn't being considerate of her being sick. Either way though he wants it all the time she doesn't, it's too hard for her and he won't back down, looks like a divorce.

And if you read more - this assumes that you LOVE and CHERISH eachother and treat eachother's body like one's own - with the same care. In even taken out of context, this does not justify rape. This does not justify bruising and abusing. It is about being mutually giving -- not hurting, not harming, and taking illness, pregnancy (and even the time of the month into account). Its not about "taking".

Good grief. Why did you marry this guy? He is selfish and abusive...

Your husband has an interesting perspective of the bible. I have never read any of the passages that he is referring to.

This man does not respect you. He treats you like an unpaid prostitute. He has some very warped ideas regarding sex and what he believes he is entitled to.

Get out of this. Believe it or not, it will get worse.

This guy sounds awful. It sounds like you are very much meeting his sexual needs, except when you are sick, which is fine, you should take a break! And he, as a loving husband, should understand that you are sick and offer to help you feel better (cook some soup, clean, whatever!) instead of nagging for sex. Ugh. It's pretty abusive and selfish of him. Is he selfish in other ways? I'm guessing so, these things rarely occur in a bubble.

This guy sounds awful. It sounds like you are very much meeting his sexual needs, except when you are sick, which is fine, you should take a break! And he, as a loving husband, should understand that you are sick and offer to help you feel better (cook some soup, clean, whatever!) instead of nagging for sex. Ugh. It's pretty abusive and selfish of him. Is he selfish in other ways? I'm guessing so, these things rarely occur in a bubble.

Yes -- why did you marry him in the first place? I am sure that he didn't change suddenly once he was married. I would honestly go to your doctor the next time so they can document the bruises and the injuries to your vagina.

This is martial rape and he sounds disgusting and like a predator. Please get away.

You don’t owe him sexual gratification on his demand like a sex slave in any regards and especially not in a Christian way.

Will you leave him? I hope you do. He is abusing you in many different ways.