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Thread: Women of ENA, I would like your opinion

  1. #11
    Bronze Member wgmitch's Avatar
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    I have to weigh in on staying angry...

    In my opinion you don't stay angry at your siblings, your parents or your friends when they have said or done something silly or wrong. You forgive and forget.

    But when someone uses you, abuses you, thinks of you as a tool for their own self pleasure or ego boost, you get angry and you stay angry! You don't get hostile toward them or take revenge, but you stay angry and stay away. You show them by means of No Contact that you are not there for them to use or abuse. They pushed you aside for whatever reason, you work on you and make life better. We are not talking about continuing to be an angry person towards the world, just to that person who used you and pushed you aside.

    Whatever it takes to stay away from them, do it. Just do it!

    If down the road you feel less angry toward them, so be it, but they are no longer allowed in your life.

    I am practicing what I preach. Life is better.

    Mitch

  2. #12
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    100% agree with Mitch here. Spot on.

  3. #13
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    Originally Posted by wgmitch
    But when someone uses you, abuses you, thinks of you as a tool for their own self pleasure or ego boost, you get angry and you stay angry! You don't get hostile toward them or take revenge, but you stay angry and stay away.
    Any good come from letting them know they really hurt you, for youreslf? did you tell the person how much they hurt you? will it just cause me to think about stuff more rather than be liberating?

    based on everyone's advice, i shouldn't even be wondering this - just staying away and not wandering down that road again.

  4. #14
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    Originally Posted by firstluvstruck
    Any good come from letting them know they really hurt you, for youreslf? did you tell the person how much they hurt you? will it just cause me to think about stuff more rather than be liberating?

    based on everyone's advice, i shouldn't even be wondering this - just staying away and not wandering down that road again.
    No. Leave it alone. Leave her alone. If u feel the need to say something about your anger, vent it here or write a letter and delete it. Don't tell her. Telling her will only serve to make you feel more hurt. Let it go.
    If you are trying to reconcile, then honesty and discussion is good. But you two are not reconciling. You need to break from her. Walk away. Don't look back.

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  6. #15
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    She is being selfish by continuing to give you hope. She is using you as a security blanket while she herself moves on. This is one of the most damaging things a person can do to another person - give them the idea that they actually have a chance so they will not move on. That is what she is doing to you. And, make no mistake about it, she will not be with you in the long term and she doesn't want you in a sexual manner.

  7. #16
    Bronze Member wgmitch's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Dominique
    No. Leave it alone. Leave her alone. If u feel the need to say something about your anger, vent it here or write a letter and delete it. Don't tell her. Telling her will only serve to make you feel more hurt. Let it go.
    If you are trying to reconcile, then honesty and discussion is good. But you two are not reconciling. You need to break from her. Walk away. Don't look back.
    FirstLuvStruck,

    Dominique is right.

  8. #17
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    I vented here and deleted it. It just felt like complaining.

    Thanks everyone for the support. This always happens when she comes back into my life. Bah

  9. #18
    Platinum Member catfeeder's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by firstluvstruck
    I vented here and deleted it. It just felt like complaining.

    Thanks everyone for the support. This always happens when she comes back into my life. Bah
    Why keep letting her come back into your life? Consider making it your private goal to surprise everyone, including yourself , with your resilience and ability to bounce back from this and create a fabulous future for yourself. You'll minimize ex's importance as you grow stronger and less invested.

    Skip the forgiveness psychobabble until you reach higher ground. Then reconsider how necessary it actually is rather than using it as an excuse to poison yourself only to wonder why you feel lousy.

  10. #19
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    Originally Posted by catfeeder
    Skip the forgiveness psychobabble until you reach higher ground. Then reconsider how necessary it actually is rather than using it as an excuse to poison yourself only to wonder why you feel lousy.
    Thank you for this. I'm going to try this - didn't think of it before.

    I also like the line you have as your avatar (? i forgot what those were called, sign offs?)
    Try backing off. It seems to be a well kept secret how many wonders occur and problems straighten out when we do nothing but leave someone alone.

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