Facebook share
LinkedIn share
Google plus share
Twitter plus share
Give Advice
Ask For Advice
Results 1 to 10 of 10

Thread: Boyfriend and other girls

  1. #1

    Join Date
    Apr 2018
    Posts
    1

    Boyfriend and other girls

    So, I think I need some perspective on a recent incident with my boyfriend.

    But first, a brief history on our relationship - we have been together for nearly 3 years now. About 2 years ago, I found out he had been cheating on me. Is there actual proof he hooked up with a few? I don't know, but I found out he had re-created a an account on OkCupid and other sites. I also found a few pictures on his photo gallery. I witnessed a girl texting him while we were out at dinner, he signed up to drive Lyft in hopes of picking up girls and such...but he begged and cried wanting to make this work. so it took a lot of therapy for me to learn how to get past and trust him again. We currently live together.

    The most recent event is - I found out he was at an all-nude gentlemen's club. I want to note that I don't have a problem with anyone going to strip clubs - people can do what they'd like and I understand going for bachelor parties, etc. He has for a friend's bachelor party before and I was good with that. But for him to go by himself, in the middle of the day, and spent an hour and a half...I confronted him about this and he admitted to it. He said he was sorry and he felt like he was good for a long time but had the impulse with his visual needs or something like that. I asked if he would've told me if I didn't find out, he said no... He said that there is nothing wrong with me but with him...he stayed to watch 4 girls dance and requested a private dance from one. If he felt bad, why did he stay so long? Now, I don't know how to feel about this or what to do...He apologized profusely, bought flowers, a card and made reached out to a psychologist's office to make an appointment...

    My feelings are a mix of sadness, confusion, anger, and some moments of "I don't give a f*ck" and will leave. I feel betrayed.But I also don't know if I'm overreacting? Is it reasonable for me to be upset?

    I've had some random moments where I just cry. I can barely look at him and the past weekend has been silent. Minimal small talk. He tries to kiss me but I give him my cheek...but we haven't really talked about it again...

  2. #2
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Jul 2017
    Age
    29
    Posts
    1,918
    Gender
    Female
    Leave.


    You're just enabling his bad behaviour.

  3. #3
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Dec 2007
    Posts
    21,678
    Well, he has now cheated on you twice. Are you going to give this creep a third go?

  4. #4
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Aug 2016
    Posts
    9,365
    You're not over-reacting, OP.

    You are under reacting and should have dumped this guy after you found him trying to get dates online. I can't fathom why you'd stay after that?

  5.  

  6. #5
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Jan 2015
    Posts
    12,390
    Therapy for YOU?

    How come you had to go to therapy after he cheated the first few times and he didn't? Did you accept blame for his cheating?

  7. #6
    Gold Member
    Join Date
    Mar 2018
    Location
    Southwest
    Posts
    587
    Gender
    Female
    This guy didn't just find himself in an accidental tryst, he actively (ACTIVELY) sought other women to cheat with, between the online accounts and Lyft. How creepy weird is it that he's driving Lyft to pick up women? I'm sorry to say, but he should have been kicked to the curb a long time ago. It's bad enough he accidentally finds himself in an affair just do to circumstances (I use "accidental" loosely here, we all have choices)...not actively seeking...but this guy actively sought these affairs. Then to find him spending a ton of money at a nudy bar for hours? Three strikes, LTN. I think it's time to let this one go. You will never have trust in him, and he's a hot mess. He needs to work on his demons on his own. You don't have to be the carnage he leaves behind in his wake of a shaky relationship. Get out while you're marginally ahead. He done screwed up, and probably screwed someone else...and now he can deal with the consequences.

  8. #7
    Platinum Member catfeeder's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2008
    Location
    New Jersey
    Posts
    22,452
    Gender
    Female
    I found out he had re-created a an account on OkCupid and other sites.
    This is all I'd need to know to walk away, so there wouldn't be anything else to consider.

  9. #8
    Bronze Member
    Join Date
    Mar 2018
    Location
    38.9907 N, 77.0261 W
    Posts
    274
    Gender
    Female
    How much more of your youth, which you will never get back, are you going to squander behind someone who does not treat you like someone who truly loves and cares for you?

    If you stay with someone who doesn't treat you well, you cease being a victim and become a volunteer.

    So my question to you is: why do you keep on signing up to volunteer for this madness? Do you like who you have to become in order to have this particular guy in your life?

    I'd be about the business of finding somewhere else to live. This guy is going to age you before your time.

    and that appointment with the therapist he made? It'd better be for him and not you. The only problem you have here is you not leaving this guy... his decision to cheat and sniff in behind other women has absolutely nothing to do with you.

    It's interesting he didn't think anything about making an appointment until you busted him and he's now in "containment" mode. When he wasn't, a therapist was the furthest thing from his mind.

  10. #9
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Dec 2007
    Posts
    21,678
    What a waste of your life. He has shown you he is, yet YOU continue to stick around.

    Love yourself.

  11. #10
    Gold Member
    Join Date
    Nov 2017
    Posts
    843
    Gender
    Female
    I echo everyone's sentiments, it's time to go OP. That is very creepy that he started driving for Lyft to pick up women. The poor women! He disrespected you, and he needs to go. And no, you are not overreacting. It's upsetting that you even thought that. Leave and start a better life for yourself.


Give Advice
Ask For Advice

Tags for this Thread

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •