Dating an Ex's friend?

I've been doing the online dating thing for a while, and recently, I connected with a women on one of the Swipe Left/Right apps.

Seems like a fun person, and we have great chemistry over text, and there's a mutual interest to meet.

However, after doing some cyber-sleuthing on Facebook after learning her last name, I found out she is friends with one of my ex's (we dated for four years, we broke up 5 years ago). How do I know? Because there were pictures of them together, and my ex was in her friends list. Her and I never met when I was going out with my ex.

On top of this, she seems to be very frequent in reaching out to me. Including sending my pictures of her with her kids in them, which I find a bit weird. I don't know if stalker is the right word, but she's definitely interested.

So bottom line, I am worried about the potential awkward situation where she might find out I dated her friend. Either by her in conversation with my ex, or running into each other on an outing with her friends. Also, I don't know what things my ex would tell her about me if me ex finds out.

Should I just nip this in the bud right away? What's the best approach to do so without "ghosting"?

Or should I let this take its course, and see what happens? Or at least meet for coffee and tell her afterward (nicely) that I'm not interested, or that we are not a match?

I certainly can't come out and say her friendship with my ex is causing me pause, as I would then have to admit I looked on her FB page.

(I know, this sounds like stalking, but in this instance, it might have just helped me dodge a bullet)

its better (easier) to stop a situation before it starts. if you think this will cause issues and you already have pause bc she reached out too much., I'd end it now.

why create any issues when you really don't care. meet someone else.

I mean if you are already troubled by how much she is contacting you and sending pics...probably a good time to nip this in the bud just for that reason alone. Add to it the ex situation and why waste time? You owe her nothing but just to let her know you aren't interested anymore. Just tell her that you aren't a match and move on.

Agree with Lambert and DancingFool. Just shut it down and send her the 'we're not a match' or 'started seeing someone excuse'. Don't bother meeting out of sheer curiosity.

Should I just nip this in the bud right away? Or at least meet for coffee and tell her afterward (nicely) that I'm not interested, or that we are not a match?

Why are you making problems where none exist?

If you like her and she likes you why not meet and see what happens? I see this all the time where people create a problem in their mind and talk themselves out of whatever.

What if FB didn't exist? You wouldn't know any of this and would meet and go out with her and who knows what may come of it.

So what if she is in some pictures with your ex. They may be nothing more than acquaintances and exactly what are you afraid your ex is going to tell her?

Also are you always looking for the worst side of things? She has shown a lot of interest in you and you have turned that into a negative.

Meet or don't meet but don't blame these contrived reasons.

Lost

Why are you making problems where none exist?

 

So what if she is in some pictures with your ex. They may be nothing more than acquaintances and exactly what are you afraid your ex is going to tell her?

 

There are more than one picture of them together. I don't think she's direct friends with my ex, but I know for sure that they have mutual friends and all have gone out together.

Why do you care if she may be friends with your ex from a zillion years ago? Ever play 7 Degrees of Separation with Kevin Bacon? For all you know, she could be the one! Don't let an ex from many moons ago dictate your happiness.

There are more than one picture of them together. I don't think she's direct friends with my ex, but I know for sure that they have mutual friends and all have gone out together.

So what?

Seems like you did your ex wrong and are afraid of it coming out. What did you do?

Lost

I think it's ok. My husband was set up with a friend of mine in the years we were broken up. They were set up by a mutual friend (and yes I was a bit annoyed at the mutual friend when I later found out) -had they actually gone out more than once it really could have been awkward but manageable. I don't think my friend knew of the connection and neither did my then ex. It would be different if it were your friend's ex.

So what?

Seems like you did your ex wrong and are afraid of it coming out. What did you do?

 

Lost

Nothing I did wrong. We didn't end very amicably. Who knows what she might tell this woman.

I agree with lost, there's some mountain making going on here, not to mention you're nitpicking. Really? Sending pictures of herself and her kids is stalking but you investigating her social media past isn't? Do you want to elaborate a bit more? Maybe it'll make more sense cause....

What are you afraid she'll tell her? There are so many other dating apps and possibilities out there why pursue this?

Nothing I did wrong. We didn't end very amicably. Who knows what she might tell this woman.

Go for it buddy!! You never know what would happen!!!! And so what if she is buddies with an ex of your's from years ago. Chance and fate is throwing this in your direction, so take the chance.

And don't sweat someone sending you pics of her and the kids, if she likes you she's laying her cards on the line...no harm there!

I wasn't referring to the kids pictures as stalking, but seeing it as possibly moving too fast, esp since we've only been chatting for a few days and have yet to meet.

By the time she figures out you know the same person she will already know you enough to make up her own mind so don't seat that part.

As far as her interest level goes: It seems we see the same things on here all the time with people either complaining the person doesn't seem interested enough or too much. She likes you and that is what you wanted right? Be happy dang it!!!

Meet her for coffee or a drink and make sure you have an open mind and clear out all this crap you have thought up.

Let us know how it goes

Lost

Nothing I did wrong. We didn't end very amicably. Who knows what she might tell this woman.

This is somewhat contradictory, as though there's more to this story. If you did nothing wrong, then the breakup should have ended peacefully, unless there's more to it.

The question is, is what the "ex" will say to the new person worth the opportunity to go on a date with her (risk/reward)?