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Thread: 10 weeks since breakup and getting worse

  1. #11
    Silver Member
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    Originally Posted by Carus
    Thanks for that post Mikey* ~ Truly brutal...! Are you still in contact with that friend? Is he doing ok now...?

    I would agree that heartbreak is probably the toughest thing a lot of us will ever face....especially if it's that deep traumatising heartbreak....

    Last year a family was vacationing on the South coast here. The father was out surfing with his eldest daughter. The others were on the beach.
    Right in front of the fathers eyes a great white came and took his daughter.....

    How would you ever get over something like that?

    The truth is, you wouldn't....

    You might heal and be able to move forward for the sake of your family but the scar would always be there and slightly open....

    Some might say that something like that is worse than breaking up or divorce, but the main difference is that when somebody dies, they are gone for everybody. The tributes flow and the support comes in folds...from family, friends and the community as a whole....

    But when somebody leaves you, they only die in your life. For everyone else they are still very much alive and well....And so we are alone in our grief....

    Plus we know they are still there so we go through the torment of trying to win them back and/or NC, and this can cause a lot more psychological damage and prolong the healing process even further.....

    We certainly still have a lot to be grateful for*

    Carus*
    Carus

    I am... And he is still a wreck...
    A broken heart hurts more than anything else, and it hurts the longest... Absolutely...
    You are correct... When someone dies, they die for everyone... But when someone walks out, and you know that someone else has them... That hurts a lot longer.... I agree...

  2. #12
    i understand the struggle. your doing the right thing reaching out and sharing.
    Iíve learned we cant control what life will throw our way, but we can control how we respond

    so, i suggest talking to trusted friends and sharing here.

    thanks

  3. #13
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    just writing to get some stuff out. I havenít heard a peep from her in 12 weeks and I donít think I ever will. I saw one of her friends three different times last week and another friend once. Iím certain they saw me.

    I feel so damn depressed. Iím 42 and wanted a second shot at a family. I had that second shot with she and her son. I met too many things bother me and had too many doubts and insecurities. It ultimately drove her away. Not that she was without fault. Iíve got quite a list of her faults. But at this point it doesnít matter. She walked away and seemed fine with it. So who cares about her faults but me trying to justify my behavior?

    I wish she wouldíve given me some decent closure. She admitted no fault in the end and sort of put it all on me. She wouldnít meet up or let our kids say bye. 2 years and they were best friends. No goodbyes for anyone. Iím so damn angry, sad, disappointed, hopeless, rejected, dejected. I was a great employee and father once, a few months ago. Now Iím just an angry detached shell. I hope there is an end to this at some point bc it really sucks.

  4. #14
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    Originally Posted by TeddyPSmith
    just writing to get some stuff out. I havenít heard a peep from her in 12 weeks and I donít think I ever will. I saw one of her friends three different times last week and another friend once. Iím certain they saw me.

    I feel so damn depressed. Iím 42 and wanted a second shot at a family. I had that second shot with she and her son. I met too many things bother me and had too many doubts and insecurities. It ultimately drove her away. Not that she was without fault. Iíve got quite a list of her faults. But at this point it doesnít matter. She walked away and seemed fine with it. So who cares about her faults but me trying to justify my behavior?

    I wish she wouldíve given me some decent closure. She admitted no fault in the end and sort of put it all on me. She wouldnít meet up or let our kids say bye. 2 years and they were best friends. No goodbyes for anyone. Iím so damn angry, sad, disappointed, hopeless, rejected, dejected. I was a great employee and father once, a few months ago. Now Iím just an angry detached shell. I hope there is an end to this at some point bc it really sucks.
    sometimes it gets worse before it gets better!

    suck it up for the kids. love the kids maje it better for them. you're still a great dad!

  5.  

  6. #15
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    Teddy, bar the kids I'm in exactly the same boat. Same age, same experience, same feelings now and all the rest.

    You're not alone.

  7. #16
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    Originally Posted by Mike5
    Teddy, bar the kids I'm in exactly the same boat. Same age, same experience, same feelings now and all the rest.

    You're not alone.
    Mike how far along are you in this?

    I canít shake the urge to send her a card on her birthday next week, telling her that I miss them and that my heart wonít let go. I simply can not stop obsessing over her. I dream about her every night now. Itís a strange phase Iím in where I am just solidify depressed. I LONG for her. I miss her son. I just feel so damn lonely.

    She had plans to finish school and mentioned moving away when she was done. Iím sure sheís thrilled at the endless possibilities that her life has to offer her. Why does she get to have such a grand outlook while Iím stuck in this damn prison? I feel like Iím always the one that gets screwed. She gets to feel justified in all of her actions and I get to over analyze my mistakes and blame myself.

    I made a huge list of her faults. When i read it or share it with anyone, I get a quick burst of self-righteousness but it fades away into missing her again. Sometimes I wonder if talking about her is almost like a drug for my brain since it canít have her.

    I wish this would just end!

  8. #17
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    Teddy, I'm in exactly the same way. 9 weeks in after an eight year relationship. I don't want to be annoying people by posting everywhere, but I've been updating in the Journal thread if you want to learn more.

    Scenario, and ex moving on wonderfully with her life almost identical.

  9. #18
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    Iíll check out your journal. I get some comfort in being able to relate to others and reading their stories.

    Next to never being with her again, my biggest fear is never getting over her. I feel like my chances of having the family that I want are fading away. I know they say itís never too late but Iíve been through fertility treatments with my ex wife. I lost her when she had an affair. Then I got this second chance and I screwed it up. I let it slip through my fingers bc I didnít love her just as she was. If I could just turn back time.

  10. #19
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    Mine laid it all on me, and I was so weak at the start I accepted that. With a bit of time I can see it was 50-50: she made some awful decisions that drove us into a corner and made life very difficult.

    But she has shown no signs of recognising that and is barreling merrily on with no consequences. I feel pretty robbed, in all honesty. And worse, having said all that, I still want my old life, my normality, back. This is a nightmare.

  11. #20
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    Mine basically put it on me too. She also said so many contradictions, or confabulation as I recently learned. For instance, she said I wanted a woman from the 1950s. I reminded her that I did all of the cooking, cleaning, entertaining, crafts with kids. She then said we had role reversal. She said she wanted to be with someone that wanted to go on vacations. Just a few months prior I took her on a brewery tour of New England. I invited her to Disney, which was ironically the reason she broke up with me.

    Itís all a complete mind f@ck. In some strange way I still have hope that she will come back to me. Itís like I need it to sink in that she does not want me. Like I need all hope destroyed.

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