Wandering eyes

My partner constantly looks for eye contact with other men. She will then smile back and hold the look until she is staring. Everybody looks around which is normal. But even photos she is staring at other guys. Sometimes she turns quickly to check out men. But she says it is all my imagination and that I see ghosts!

Sometimes it’s as if I don’t exist and on a couple of occasions she got bad looks from a wife/girlfriend who noticed. Yes, I’m a bit jealous but I have feelings and feel stupid sometimes or am I overreacting?

No you're not overreacting. Prolonged eye-contact followed by a smile is flirting behaviour.

She is trying to flirt with other men in front of you, OP. You are not over-reacting.

This type of behaviour is attention-seeking and sends the wrong message to the guys she's trying to bat her eyes at, let alone to you. It's plain disrespectful.

If you are a jealous person as you admit then I'm not sure that your perception is trustworthy. Her staring at men to the extreme that you indicate seems not quite normal. Whether you are right or not, I daresay a man with issues of jealousy would be best not in a relationship where he feels so disrespected.

How long have you been dating?

Why are you jealous? What else does she do that makes you insecure?

Lost

From what you describe, that's not just wandering eyes - she is openly flirting and that's rude and inappropriate.

Basically, don't keep dating someone who is blatantly being rude to you and making you feel bad about yourself. Don't be jealous - just get rid of her.

Self worth comes in many forms - sometimes it's in recognizing that you deserve better than a partner who is flirting with others in your face.

We are not dating, we are in fact married. Together 5 years and it seems to be an accelerating issue. She swears blind she does not do anything wrong. But it does happen, she obviously gets off on the attention. Or maybe fir her it is not wrong. I feel like i am being gaslighted. She says we have perfect relationship.

To answer an earlier question there are small other things. I rang her after 10pm when she was staying on a residential course. I heard a man speaking and asked what was happening. She said he was staff and come to fix something in the room.

She came home with sexy clothes for, I assumed, clubbing or going out. However she told me they were for work.

After we got together she also told me that she had cheated on an ex for quite some time. This and other things, along with the lingering looks snd smiles has unsettled me. But according to her estimations she does nothing wrong.

The difficult question is, what changes are you prepared to make?

It's normal to eyeball beautiful people, and it's normal that eye contact happens from time to time, regardless of appearance; you could see a an interaction happening, wishing you could hear what's going on; cute kids, love the shoes/handbag...would love to see my guy in those pants, yada, yada...it captures your attention...innocent; this sort of thing can be normal. Your wife's behavior seems especially flirtatious to the point the significant other is glaring daggers at your wife and pissed...and this woman should be more mad at her man for reciprocating, more than she should be at the woman flirting with her man, but that's not really here nor there with your wife...you clearly have reason to be uptight. It's not just a passing glance...it's more...it's salacious, it's flirtatious, and it's inappropriate.

Are you being extremely jealous and unreasonable and any glance in the direction of someone of the male species sets you off, or is she truly flirtatious and disrespectful?

It's hard to judge because you are admittedly a jealous person, so I don't know if you're perceiving something that doesn't exist, but openly flirting and holding eye contact with men is inappropriate and disrespectful.

I know this post was from a while back, but I can relate to this as I just experienced it with someone I had dated for 5 months. The staring and smiling and in some cases the dirty looks from the women that are with some of the guys she's doing it to. Mine got as bad as actually physically touching another guy while flirting. He approached her and asked for her number later on when I was 20 feet away. Also had another instance where a guy asked me who I was and when I said her boyfriend, he said oh I didn't know, sorry. Not his fault because she did a great job making it look like I was a friend. It's something I had never experienced before and I found it disgusting. I just called it quits with her and she has been blowing up my phone with excuse after excuse even though I'm not responding. Done! C-ya!

If you haven't ended it yet, my advice would be to do so now. She has low self esteem issue's and is seeking validation from other men because your attention just isn't enough and never will be. If she doesn't get professional mental help, she'll never stop looking for validation. Sometimes the behavior can lead to cheating. It can also lead to another guy thinking it's appropriate to step over the line putting you in a bad situation. For instance if another guy touches her inappropriately. These are things I had to think about. It will only screw with your head the longer you deal with it and she will never truly respect you because she doesn't have respect for herself. You'll always be told you're over reacting, seeing "things", I'm just friendly, etc.

My partner constantly looks for eye contact with other men. She will then smile back and hold the look until she is staring. Everybody looks around which is normal. But even photos she is staring at other guys. Sometimes she turns quickly to check out men. But she says it is all my imagination and that I see ghosts!

Sometimes it’s as if I don’t exist and on a couple of occasions she got bad looks from a wife/girlfriend who noticed.

 

Yes, I’m a bit jealous but I have feelings and feel stupid sometimes or am I overreacting?

Are you sure it's jealousy you're feeling and not just flat out "disrespect"?

Because that's what she's doing, disrespecting you. She is also gaslighting you by suggesting it's all your imagination and that you're seeing ghosts.

Don't quite get the jealousy aspect, unless she's attempting to get numbers and go out with them.

But her behavior is definitely disrespectful.

I feel you,shes flirting,maybe she feel bored by seeing/having you always try to release her ,i mean give her sometime alone maybe a holiday

Somebody who, finally, has had the same experience. Im not crazy!

My partner has said openly for the first time that she looks at, and smiles with other men. She sees nothing wrong in this and does not count it as flirting or salacious behaviour. I have expressed the wish that she show some respect and I’ve promised not to be jealous of “her men” moments when she responds positively to normal friendliness through to downright sexual leering and come ons.

She needs me to tell her everyday that I love her as “she needs to be needed and loved”. But its harder to say. Inside I feel hollow and a friend has told me to act the same way towards other women, but I fear this is a slippery slope and inappropriate.