I'm Going on Vacation With My Ex, How Can I Get Her Back?

In a few weeks I’m going to be meeting up with my ex, we were in a long distance relationship for 8 months. She lives in DC and I live in London so meeting in person is kind of a big deal and it’s only happened once since we met in the summer and spent a couple weeks together.

We broke up in December and this isn’t a vacation that was already booked before the break up. We agreed on it a few weeks ago even though we’re not really talking. It’s kinda complicated so I was hoping that I would be able to get some advice on my game plan for the vacation and the weeks leading up to it? Getting her back is definitely what I want to do.

Just to give you some more information, we broke up on good terms even though I ed up, said some things to upset her and generally dropped the ball on all the simple things you should be doing in a long distance relationship. We had a genuine connection and could talk for hours, in person and over the phone/texting. That’s why we put up with such a long distance. It was definitely true love.

When we broke up she said she wanted to be with me but I needed to change although since then she’s said she doesn’t want this vacation to lead me on in thinking we’re getting back together.

I’m getting mixed signals from her at the moment. Some days we’ll chat like nothing ever happened but we’ll also go a week or two weeks without talking. I’ve mainly been letting her text me first to initiate a conversation. I saw an image on her snapchat of her in bed with another guy as well. We've not spoke about getting back together at all but we've been talking about how great the trip is going to be and what we're going to get up to.

She says she’s really looking forward to the vacation and I’ve kept my cards close to my chest regarding wanting to get back together. My reasoning to her for coming to the US is that I wanted to have a fun time, make her happy and leave things between us better than they were. There’s an element of truth in that but my main reason is to get her back.

I'm worried that we're just going to be friends on this trip and nothing romantic will happen although I do plan on telling her in person that I want to try again. There was a lot between us for a short relationship. Before I ed up things were amazing, she had an IUD for me and we were really best friends.

Could I get some pointers on how to act around her, what I should be doing, not doing and when. Along with how likely reconciliation may be. I’m going to be spending every second of every day for a week with her so I’m nervous as .

Sounds to me she just wants casual nothing long term serious...

If you do manage to decide to try again, will you go right back to long distance with only seeing one another a couple of weeks out of 8 months?

I'm in a similar boat, except that we had booked a holiday before we split. Personally, I'm starting to think that it's a very bad idea, and may cancel (couple other friends are going so she can still go) We started our split as "a break" so we (she) reckoned we could go as friends. Given that I have no desire to be her "friend" I think it would be a disaster in the end! I would thinking about how you're going to feel when you're with her 24/7 in the scenario where she really doesn't want to get back together? Could you handle that ok?

thanks for the messages

Sounds to me she just wants casual nothing long term serious...

Do you think that we'll hook up? I'm one of two guys that she's ever had sex with

If you do manage to decide to try again, will you go right back to long distance with only seeing one another a couple of weeks out of 8 months?

Yeah it'll be long distance. We had discussed plans of me moving to her in 2020 though

I'm in a similar boat, except that we had booked a holiday before we split. Personally, I'm starting to think that it's a very bad idea, and may cancel (couple other friends are going so she can still go) We started our split as "a break" so we (she) reckoned we could go as friends. Given that I have no desire to be her "friend" I think it would be a disaster in the end! I would thinking about how you're going to feel when you're with her 24/7 in the scenario where she really doesn't want to get back together? Could you handle that ok?

I don't think I could handle it well although I'd try my best to act like I am

Yeah it'll be long distance. We had discussed plans of me moving to her in 2020 though

So at least another year and a half of long distance. And still only seeing one another every 8 months?

What were the things she said you need to "change"?

I don't think I could handle it well although I'd try my best to act like I am

Well then I say go for it. If it was me though, I'm not sure I'd be happy "acting" that everything was cool, I'd rather put my efforts into moving on and finding someone who actually wants to be with me.

I don't have any advice but have a question.

How does a couple maintain a relationship like this, for months, sometimes years, never or very rarely spending "real" time, their interactions limited to text, phone and video chat?

Doesn't that get exhausting? It's like you constantly have to be "on" - for hours on end while you either txt, talk on phone or video chat.

What about the quiet times together? Sitting under a tree at the park or by the ocean, wrapped in each other's arms enjoying nature, not even needing to say a word! For example.

For me, those are most intimate moments shared!

Not judging at all, I read about this all the time; I just don't understand it and couldn't do it.

But best of luck on your vacation, hope it works out the way you hope!

Well then I say go for it. If it was me though, I'm not sure I'd be happy "acting" that everything was cool, I'd rather put my efforts into moving on and finding someone who actually wants to be with me.

after getting back I'd have a big decision on my hands. A big part of me will want to put this all in the past but if things were really good between us and we had an amazing week together, I'd be up for meeting up again in another city

I don't have any advice but have a question.

 

How does a couple maintain a relationship like this, for months, sometimes years, never or very rarely spending "real" time, their interactions limited to text, phone and video chat?

 

Doesn't that get exhausting? It's like you constantly have to be "on" - for hours on end while you either txt, talk on phone or video chat.

 

What about the quiet times together? Sitting under a tree at the park or by the ocean, wrapped in each other's arms enjoying nature, not even needing to say a word! For example.

 

For me, those are most intimate moments shared!

 

Not judging at all, I read about this all the time; I just don't understand it and couldn't do it.

 

But best of luck on your vacation, hope it works out the way you hope!

I used to think the same way. We first met in person and she extended her trip to spend time with me. We spent time together before it was even long distance. I guess when things were so good in person and you really have a connection with someone, you can put up with such poor circumstances

I used to think the same way. We first met in person and she extended her trip to spend time with me. We spent time together before it was even long distance. I guess when things were so good in person and you really have a connection with someone, you can put up with such poor circumstances

Ok, I can understand the connection, but you said she broke up with you because you "dropped the ball" on all the little things you're 'supposed' to do when in a LDR?

What were those "little things" that you dropped the ball on?

You're thousands of miles away from each other, sounds like she had unrealistic expectations and are you sure you want to go "back there" again?

I do understand the connection, but like I said, it sounds exhausting and would think difficult to maintain long term, despite the connection.

But g'luck!

Ok, I can understand the connection, but you said she broke up with you because you "dropped the ball" on all the little things you're 'supposed' to do when in a LDR?

 

What were those "little things" that you dropped the ball on?

 

You're thousands of miles away from each other, sounds like she had unrealistic expectations and are you sure you want to go "back there" again?

 

I do understand the connection, but like I said, it sounds exhausting and would think difficult to maintain long term, despite the connection.

 

But g'luck!

Towards the end of the relationship I wasn't calling her anywhere near as much as I should have done. I'm definitely sure that I want to go back there. I feel miserable without her.

It sounds like you are hoping to hook up on this vacation. Maybe that will happen, bring condoms just in case. Since you only saw each other once before, it's very doubtful she "got an IUD for you".

meeting in person only happened once since we met in the summer and spent a couple weeks together. she had an IUD for me

It sounds like you are hoping to hook up on this vacation. Maybe that will happen, bring condoms just in case. Since you only saw each other once before, it's very doubtful she "got an IUD for you".

This. It's not something most women take that lightly, OP. She might indeed have one, but if she does, she'd been thinking about it before you came into the picture.

It sounds like you are hoping to hook up on this vacation. Maybe that will happen, bring condoms just in case. Since you only saw each other once before, it's very doubtful she "got an IUD for you".

I understand your reasoning but she'd only had sex with one guy before me. She's pretty religious and we were still very much in the honeymoon phase of the relationship and we wanted to have sex without a condom because we we're quite sexual

This whole idea just sounds like more heartbreak for you, OP.

She doesn't appear to be working toward reconciliation with you. Sure, there's some chatting but then she goes silent. You are hoping this trip will turn things around, but it's not likely to happen if she isn't already interested. At this point, she doesn't seem to be eager about it.

Whose idea was this holiday, and are you footing the bill?

This whole idea just sounds like more heartbreak for you, OP.

 

She doesn't appear to be working toward reconciliation with you. Sure, there's some chatting but then she goes silent. You are hoping this trip will turn things around, but it's not likely to happen if she isn't already interested. At this point, she doesn't seem to be eager about it.

 

Whose idea was this holiday, and are you footing the bill?

She's told me that she's really looking forward to the trip and we were speaking just the other day about what we want to do and how amazing it's going to be. It was my idea and she wants to split the hotel bill but I've said I'm fine paying for all of it.

It sounds like your treat hoping to have sex with her again. Have fun but bring condoms just in case. IUDs don't protect against STDs and you've been estranged and apart for way to long.

It was my idea and she wants to split the hotel bill but I've said I'm fine paying for all of it.

It sounds like your treat hoping to have sex with her again. Have fun but bring condoms just in case. IUDs don't protect against STDs and you've been estranged and apart for way to long.

that isn't my intention for wanting to pay for the hotel myself. My intention isn't really to hookup either. I'm just scared that while together, there won't be any romance between us when that's all I've been used to when we've met up in the past. I don't want to stay as a friend

It sounds like she has local bfs so may think of this as friends. Since you invited her without clarifying that it's to get back together, it could go either way getting lucky or friendzone.

I saw an image on her snapchat of her in bed with another guy as well. We've not spoke about getting back together at all but we've been talking about how great the trip is going to be

that isn't my intention for wanting to pay for the hotel myself. My intention isn't really to hookup either. I'm just scared that while together, there won't be any romance between us when that's all I've been used to when we've met up in the past. I don't want to stay as a friend

You broke up. What romance do you want?? Why are you even going on this trip? you could have canceled it. I really think your intent is to have sex with her to try to convince her to get back together with you. It doesn't matter what you have been used to. I am betting that without sex, you won't get along and it will be a miserable trip because you will be trying to win her back.

You broke up. What romance do you want?? Why are you even going on this trip? you could have canceled it. I really think your intent is to have sex with her to try to convince her to get back together with you. It doesn't matter what you have been used to. I am betting that without sex, you won't get along and it will be a miserable trip because you will be trying to win her back.

My intention is to be back on terms where we can hold hands, kiss etc. I'm not trying to use that as a catalyst. First and foremost I want this girl back