Confused in love

I know he cares for me deeply and I know the love is there it’s just he does a few things to irritate me ,

my boyfriend can leave me for ages and not respond to my messages , he calls me if he can’t text but won’t speak to me much for the rest of the evening , he does a lot of things that shows he loves me and some things that would seem like he doesn’t ,

last night we had relations together and he didn’t kiss me on the lips throughout he always kisses on the lips but he kisses my neck and my body I don’t need to go into all the details but not kisses on the lips then before he leaves to go home he hugs me for a long time and tells me goodbye not unusual but still no kiss on the good dam lips.

Maybe I’m being a brat I require attention a lot things in the past have made me accustomed to having attention.

I was with a possessive partner who made it his mission to know my every move for eight years as my first ever boyfriend so I got used to clingy messages and being doted on but I realised this behaviour was controlling and manipulating.

So I understand that all boys text every minute of the day I’m going on a tangeon here basically root problems

1. What could lead him to kiss me ecerywhere else but my lips during intercourse

2. Why hasn’t he told me he loves me yet been together 4 months surely he should know

3. Why does he not text and is this because I’m used to clingy behaviour that this affects me or am I crazy or am I being rationale I need help

1. What could lead him to kiss me ecerywhere else but my lips during intercourse

Simply not being inclined to is sufficient enough. I'd venture to guess it's common enough people go through "relations" once or twice without kissing on the lips.

2. Why hasn’t he told me he loves me yet been together 4 months surely he should know

Personally, in all my years of dating and relationships, I've never told a woman I love them only four months in. Not saying it's bad if someone does, but it's certainly not abnormal if they don't.

3. Why does he not text and is this because I’m used to clingy behaviour that this affects me or am I crazy or am I being rationale I need help

Simply might not be a big texter. He might appreciate the time he has to himself. Could be a number of reasons. Focus on your time together, not apart.

I dated someone that didn't follow my love language...I dumped him because we had different ideas of how we wanted the relationship to be. This is why we date....to see if they fulfill our expectations or what we expect out of a relaitonship...you are not getting what you want out of this relationship which means you two are not compatible. Don't be one of those sitting around hoping things will change to suit your needs...waste of time. Simply it's not working out. You can talk to him about it, but don't expect anything to change. Now it will be your choice to remain unhappy questioning it or breakup and find someone who actually makes you happy. At 4 months things should be running smoothly, not be confusing.

I agree with both your statements I should of worded the article a bit better like I mentioned I know he loves me he shows me in his own ways he just hasn’t said it yet that confuses me when someone can show love to you physically but doesnt always tell you like I.man clearly said maybe it’s still a little early to say it he’s not all mooshy and emotional plus I’m used to someone controlling me and emotionally abusing me it’s different kind of relationship but it’s not wrong it will probably like j.man said take time to adjust and I should enjoy us being together rather than question it

No kissing would bother me tremendously and would be a deal-breaker for me. I think things to consider on kissing - are you a good kisser or bad kisser? Do you have good oral hygiene? Does he just not like kissing?

You state he can "leave you for ages" and not message you. What's the timeline here? Not everyone likest to text or talk all day every day or even daily, so you have to work with communication styles, but are we talking about a guy who disappears for days at a time, then suddenly he's interested with the end result of sex, only for him to drop off the planet again? Do you have substance in your relationship, friendship, when you're not together, or is he just someone who comes around when the wind blows? If the latter, that with the no-kissing suggests to me he's just not into you as relationship material. He enjoys your company and a romp in the hay, but kissing is very intimate, and he doesn't feel that way for you.

You need to decide if this type of affection from him is enough for you. Years go by, and if you don't feel loved, and affection and kissing is your love language, it's going to be difficult, painful, and may not work out. I'm very affectionate and tactile, and it's important to me that I get that same level, though most of the time men aren't nearly as touchy like that, but they do exhibit affection that makes me happy. Men who don't, I find confusing and unloved (using "love" loosely here, in dating), so you have to choose what works for you and consider other aspects of your relationship and how well that is working and if these are things that he can change, like he can kiss more or be more mindful of physical affection...not joined at the hip and always pawing each other, but some touching, and you would need to relax a little on that aspect.

Honestly, if he's just sniffing around when he's in the mood, no kissing is just part of getting laid with no real connection...a problem.

I say ages I mean like 2 to 3 hours the most we talk everyday and see each other every week he does little things but I don’t know if these things count as love never really had it and wouldn’t know what it was like he looks at me and notices difference when I had my eyebrows done he memorised my hair colour is called a bayalage and he helps me to do things like taking up driving lessons again giving me confidence he also sometimes when I’m washing up hugs me from behind he will look at me in the eye and just stare when I’m

Laying in bed he links his leg over mine or pulls me close he hates me straying too far he asks about my day and notices when things are wrong with me just by mood of text and speaking he remembers little things I tell him like for instance I do a school club every Monday and Tuesday for overtime he knows what time I do it he remembers everything I know these are good signs but they can be common signs he remembers how I like my tea he even tried green tea because I said it’s a good energy sauce he didn’t like it but he tried it and he used to not so much now like every single one of my pictures on Instagram

It seems you are focused on good or bad "signs" and not the big picture. When this microscopic and often irrelevant focus stops, you'll be able to answer your question...which is is he into you or not.

You seem to be getting very upset about things that he does or doesn't do.

Do you expect him to read you mind on all these desires?

If you want something then why not verbally acknowledge it and stop waiting for him to get ESP.

I've been with my wife 13 years and we have had a lot of relations. I am sure we have had plenty of sex without mouth to mouth kissing, but I don't honestly know because that is something I wouldn't even pay attention to.

You need him constantly text and talk to you all the time.

You want him to tell you he loves you when the two of you are just four months in.

I'll stop there.

Wow, so the guy doesn't text you for 2-3 hours?? You sound desperate and needy. All day, every day conversation is exhausting and not sustainable. Give the guy a chance to have some life of his own...which you should be doing as well. I mean, fine if you want to send a funny meme or something during your break, but it's unrealistic to expect to maintain conversation all.day.long...every day. He does a million things that please you. Remembers things, does things for you. He seems attentive and caring. As far as kissing, sometimes sex doesn't' have the kissing, but it's worth bringing up, particularly if he doesn't like kissing outside of the bedroom as well. Talk to him about it. Is this constant or just occasionally?

And you're fretting about ILY after four months - too soon. Give this a chance to grow. You're just now phasing out of the honeymoon phase, and this is the time when personalities may turn out to be incompatible as the glitter and newness dissipates and the "real you" comes out. The ILYs will come if you both desire to continue moving forward. As you move into this new phase, maybe this is why no-kissing is starting to bother you...you thought it would get better? Bring it up. Discuss.

I know he cares for me deeply and I know the love is there it’s just he does a few things to irritate me ,

my boyfriend can leave me for ages and not respond to my messages , he calls me if he can’t text but won’t speak to me much for the rest of the evening , he does a lot of things that shows he loves me and some things that would seem like he doesn’t

Which would you rather have? No text, but he calls, says what he has to say and goes on his business or he calls and texts all day long, but you can't wear what you want to wear, go where you want to go, have fun with your girlfriends? And is this really a hill to die on?

last night we had relations together and he didn’t kiss me on the lips throughout he always kisses on the lips but he kisses my neck and my body I don’t need to go into all the details but not kisses on the lips then before he leaves to go home he hugs me for a long time and tells me goodbye not unusual but still no kiss on the good dam lips.

Is this a constant thing in your relationship, or did this just happen one time?

Is there some reason why you didn't initiate kissing yourself since it seems so important to you?

Maybe I’m being a brat I require attention a lot things in the past have made me accustomed to having attention.

If this is the case, then you might want to get a handle on this--because it is off-putting

I was with a possessive partner who made it his mission to know my every move for eight years as my first ever boyfriend so I got used to clingy messages and being doted on but I realised this behaviour was controlling and manipulating.

So you can see why it is suffocating to have someone who unloads all of their expectations onto you to carry like a pack animal.

So I understand that all boys text every minute of the day I’m going on a tangeon here basically root problems

No, not everyone texts every minute of the day, tangent or no. People who have things to do don't spend all day long texting.

1. What could lead him to kiss me ecerywhere else but my lips during intercourse

Perhaps you had bad breath or something in your teeth? Perhaps he just wasn't feeling like kissing you that day.

2. Why hasn’t he told me he loves me yet been together 4 months surely he should know

Because he doesn't feel that yet or he's not at a place in his own mind where he feels it's in his best interests to say this to you. Also, you're at the point where weak foundational relationships begin to fail because the "on their best behavior" representatives have not yet been dismissed to allow the "real you" to come to the fore. I dare say that the real him and the real you are appearing now---and this is the person you're going to have the relationship with, not the representative you've been dealing with so far.

3. Why does he not text and is this because I’m used to clingy behavior that this affects me or am I crazy or am I being rationale I need help

He doesn't text because he's not a clingy, irrational, insecure person with too much time on his hands and you need to start getting used to this if you want to be with this guy. Perhaps, you rushed into this too soon on the heels of a dysfunctional relationship and haven't processed out the dysfunction from that.

The answer isn't turning him into what you're used to--the answer is seeing what is in front of you and working with that. If you need a guy who is clingy and controlling, then it's time to put this relationship down because this guy ain't that guy.