Is this normal?

Hi, need some advice. Is what I'm feeling normal? Is it taking me too long to forgive?

It's been a year since she ended it, for me anyway. Together for a couple years then on/off long distance (more on for me and off for her).

The idea of being with her disgusts me..in the sense that i would be betraying myself if I hooked up with her even a little.

Last night I went to her bday because she repeatedly asked me and I would have felt guilty if I didnt. She brought a dude as a date and it instantly caused me to get upset. Seeing her be with him like she was with me really upsets me. And thinking of what happens behind closed doors doesn't help. Fyi, she just ended another year long relationship and this guy is def a rebound/distraction but it still brought on an intense physical anxious reaction in me.

She was trying to set me up with her friend. Still something I find disrespectful.

I stayed at the party and tried to work through my anxiety to grow as a person. It eventually went away but I was still distracted.

I ask myself... We both still care about each other. But why is it that I can't let go of the anger and resentment. How can she interact with me as if nothing ever happened. We not once have talked about the aftermath of the break up..she onto something new..me into depression which I've finally beat. I tried to bring it up once and she kind of scoffed and rolled her eyes.

It would have been really nice to enjoy this party without the presence of anyone else. Just practice being normal around her again.

So, is this normal? Any advice on how to forgive? Will it take more time and creation of my own life and new love?

I feel that until I resolve this resentment I'm not ready for a new love. Is this wrong?

I could go on but it would take away from the biggest feeling I'd like help with right now.

Thanks for reading

Well, this is why the folks on ENA recommends that when you break up you go total no contact. You don't see her, you don't text her, you don't call her. This is so you're not constantly reopening that old wound. In this case, you saw her with another guy and got jealous. You still want to talk about your relationship with her, which means you're not accepting the relationship is over. You're asking how you can be normal around her. If you don't see her or contact her, you won't have to worry about these things and you can move on. And therefore you won't be feeling resentment because she won't be in your life.

I agree. But is it no contact forever? Will I forgive with no context?

I don't necessarily want to talk about the relationship... There's no point. It would be cool if she apologized on her own accord. Not to talk about it but to just know that she is aware that I got hurt

It's no contact until you're totally over her. And you're not over her if you're looking for an apology. Like BWhite told you back in November: "Trying to be friends with someone you were once deeply in love with is a recipe for disaster." It's still true. You're just hurting yourself and you won't be over her if you keep having contact with her.

Back to no contact for sure though. I always have to learn the hard way...

Thanka Dan, could I please ask you one more question? How is she seemingly ok with being friends...she's healed and is totally over me?

Thanka Dan, could I please ask you one more question? How is she seemingly ok with being friends...she's healed and is totally over me?

Yes. Accept that she checked out long ago. It hurts but out of sight out mind applies greatly in this situation

Trust me on this, when you go no contact and finally move on, you will have no need or want to have her in your life...she will become a distant memory.

The only way to get on with this is to stop analyzing her, the situation and how you and her are feeling....just drop it because it won't do you any good. The folks on this board really can only guess and make things even more confusing for you. Just come to the conclusion you must forget about her in order for you to go forward. If she has moved on so what if she has. She's doing it in her own way, just like you are doing it in your own way. Save your energy, she is not worth wasting anymore of your time on.

Thanka Dan, could I please ask you one more question? How is she seemingly ok with being friends...she's healed and is totally over me?

That is usually the case when we're fine being friends with an ex. We don't have romantic feelings anymore, so we are able to interact with them easily.

You need to stay away from her. There is no reason you need to be celebrating her birthday with her anymore. No Contact is indefinite or at least until the point of indifference, and by the time you are truly over her, you won't care so much about forgiving her. Your mind will be in a different place and she'll be a closed chapter in the story of your life.

Thank you everyone. The contact channels are open, not blocked. And she is the one who reaches out. I seldomly respond or do so in short and when I get around to it...following NC (limited, I guess)... without being mean. Not trying to justify or make excuses.

But you guys are right. There's just no place for her in my life. And as friends? What kind of friendship?? (Rhetorical questions).

Yes, I do not enjoy hanging out with her. Obviously, I just haven't let go 100% and it's manifesting like this.

Thank you

No contact!!

NC is very difficult when you love someone. But it is sooo helpful. Just cut her off and do not look at her social media! It gets easier every day, especially if you keep busy.

Listen, I was extremely heartbroken over an ex a few years ago. I thought I was going to die of a broken heart it hurt so badly. It was torture anytime we texted or if I looked him up on fb and saw pics of him and the new gf looking so in love, meanwhile, I was still suffering so much. I

One day, I just got mad and fed up over everything. I blocked his number, blocked him from fb, blocked from email, deleted his family and friends from my contacts since we were no longer in touch. I then went thru withdrawal symptoms. I wanted to unblock him, I wanted to creep his fb. But I remained strong. I got over him completely. I could care less about him or his life. I don't know what I ever saw in him or why I loved him so much. It'll be fine to me if I never see him or talk to him the rest of my life, it's fine if he's married now. I simply don't care. It amazes me. I was just madly in love with him and completely and utterly heartbroken when it ended.

You'll get there!