When his jokes hurt

My boyfriend of 4 years always says things that upset me but then says he’s ‘joking’. A few nights ago we were talking about children and he said he wouldn’t want our daughter to grow up to be a wh**e like her mother! I stared at him and then he says ‘I’m just joking’ but I got really upset and then he says that I can’t take a joke. I just think what kind of guy would say that to their long term girlfriend- joking or not? I’m at the point where I can’t take any more but then don’t want to give up on our relationship. Just wanting other people’s opinions. Thank you.

He's verbally abusive, you already know that. Read up on it. Get out now.

It sounds like your boyfriend has issues. What he said to you is he extremely offensive. He’s abusive, and as time goes on, it will only get worse. I’d walk. I couldn’t imagine being involved in a long term relationship with someone/being married to someone like this, and having children with them.

Agree. This is abuse disguised as "jokes", which he then turns back on you, claiming you're just being "too sensitive". This only gets worse, I'm sorry to say.

Yikes, he called you a wh*re? That is terrible and abusive. I knew someone like this. I would get upset with him and he would always pass it off as being a "joke" when I would get upset. Calling you a wh*re, even as a "Joke" is terribly offensive. You should leave if he thinks of you in that way.

An abusive bully says this. Why are you with this guy?

This is not love or respect. It will get worse. You do not want a family with a man like this.

Guys are so Lame its ridiculous. The things they come up with and say are so out of this world. Some can't help being complete idiots.

Guys are so Lame its ridiculous. The things they come up with and say are so out of this world. Some can't help being complete idiots.

This has nothing to do with guys or being "idiots' - women can say equally cruel things.

This guy is mean.

In the very, very, very best of cases, he's got absolutely no cause or motivation to call you a wh*re even out of passive intent (not that there'd be any justification), and is trying to be humorous through the absurdity that you could ever bee considered a "wh*re." That's not a defense as it's absolutely terrible humor and, at the very, very least, he should have the humility to acknowledge and respect the fact you don't appreciate it.

Again, that's "best" case. If there are other details wherein him saying that would give you cause to take it actually internalize such a comment, that's going beyond completely absurd, socially stunted humor and into full-on abuse.

Either way, I'd think it best to do better for yourself.

He's an abusive jerk. RUN

He's abusive and things won't change. In fact, they have potential to get worse, much worse. These little quips don't come out of nowhere - he holds you in little esteem and he enjoys taking you down a notch. He then turns it around like you're too sensitive...um, no...I'd like to see how well this type of "joking" goes over with his coworkers or his family. He is absolutely cruel...and worse that this is supposed to be a joke and funny?? Dump and runas fast as you can. You are so much better than this!

If he were to punch you, then say you can't take a punch, what would you do?

The biggest danger sign of an abusive person is when they turn it back on YOU whenever they behave badly.

I'd rethink whether you want a future with this man. Abuse only escalates, it never goes away when you stay.

This has nothing to do with guys or being "idiots' - women can say equally cruel things.

 

This guy is mean.

Yes, it's not funny, it is mean. Would you want him joking with one of your nieces or a friend's daughter about growing up to be a ? Or maybe your boss's daughter? He is being mean towards you and may be thoughtful otherwise but he obviously has no filter so that's a risk as well.

My boyfriend of 4 years always says things that upset me but then says he’s ‘joking’. A few nights ago we were talking about children and he said he wouldn’t want our daughter to grow up to be a wh**e like her mother! I stared at him and then he says ‘I’m just joking’ but I got really upset and then he says that I can’t take a joke. I just think what kind of guy would say that to their long term girlfriend- joking or not? I’m at the point where I can’t take any more but then don’t want to give up on our relationship.

What relationship? You've got a man who calls you a wh**e and you're sticking around?

He's not going to stop doing this because he knows that while you may get mad and pout, you're not going anywhere.

So find a way to tolerate being called names (and in front of any children you may have with him) since you don't want to give up a relationship with an abusive cretin. Here's the thing: he's already given up on your relationship because his contempt for your esteem is so low that he doesn't even attempt to filter what he thinks of you when he's talking to you, so why are you twisting yourself into a pretzel trying to save it?

He’s forcing you to leave him. If you stay, then you are agreeing with him that you really are a wh**e. You want to stay because you don’t want to break up. But you are only allowed to stay as a wh**e. So you really have no choice but to leave.

My boyfriend of 4 years always says things that upset me but then says he’s ‘joking’. A few nights ago we were talking about children and he said he wouldn’t want our daughter to grow up to be a wh**e like her mother! I stared at him and then he says ‘I’m just joking’ but I got really upset and then he says that I can’t take a joke. I just think what kind of guy would say that to their long term girlfriend- joking or not? I’m at the point where I can’t take any more but then don’t want to give up on our relationship. Just wanting other people’s opinions. Thank you.

He's an a s s hole. If you think you will get to the point where you've had enough, save some time and just dump him now. If you're waiting for things to get better, you're just enabling his abusive foolishness.