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Thread: Advice needed; living with boyfriend, I have nothing in my name

  1. #11
    Member
    Join Date
    Apr 2018
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    31
    Originally Posted by Bex2990
    Hi,
    Need a bit of advice, sorry if it's a bit long!
    My partner and I have been together for 3 years, we have both gone through divorce from our previous relationships. When I met my partner I was renting but he owned his house. After a year together we decided for me to move in to his house. We are now trying to start a family and looking to either move house or extend his house. I feel quite strongly about moving due to this house being his previous marital home and nothing is in my name and I don't think it will ever feel like my home and not to mention the in laws are only down the road!! However my other half is more reluctant to move and wants to extend instead and he doesn't seem to understand my reasoning for wanting to move. We had a few valuations on the house recently to get an idea, he seems interested and then he seems to talk himself out of it again. I brought it up again my feelings about it but he said he had the primary decision on what we do because it's his house so I basically don't have a say. Might make me sound like a right cow but it kind of hurt me. We have joint bank accounts so my money also goes towards mortgage and bills. I understand as nothing is in my name I would have no legal right to anything and it has made me think today. I am 28 and I feel I am risking alot if he ever left me (I don't have any doubts he will but you never know) but if he did I would have absolutely nothing! Do I have a right to suggest I have my own savings in my separate account just in case?
    I have no idea what to do or am I over reacting?
    The two of you are supposed to be in a committed relationship. That means making the big decisions together. Making compromises for one another if neccessary. Unless there would cause a huge financial strain on you both your feelings should be considered. He needs to know that he can't make the decision for you both. It seems very selfish that he even wants to keep his old house after listening to how you feel. It shows a bit of disrespect. Just maybe not be so verbal about him selling it. Make your opinion very clear in a nice efficient way then allow him to come to this decision on his own. If in the end he won't sell then maybe you both should evaluate if the relationship is worth it.

  2. #12
    Platinum Member
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    May 2008
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    I am 28 and I feel I am risking a lot if he ever left me (I don't have any doubts he will but you never know) but if he did I would have absolutely nothing! Do I have a right to suggest I have my own savings in my separate account just in case?
    Unless you have a legally binding commitment which means you will be taken care of if you split, it's your responsibility to ensure your own future security. Not even because you're worried that your relationship will break down, but you never know what the future holds. He could be run over by a bus tomorrow, say, even if he never had any intention of leaving you.

    Don't suggest that you have your own savings in a separate account. Just create an account, if you haven't got one already, and save the money you need in it. He is correct when he says that it's his house and he gets to say what happens with it. By the same token, you're talking about your savings - and YOU get to say what happens with the money. You don't need to ask his permission or even tell him.

    I've found that a useful way to deal with finances in a relationship is for each party to have their own bank accounts, plus a joint one for joint expenses. This situation arose because we were both self-employed and needed separate accounts anyway, but it worked so well I'd recommend it to anyone.

    Oh, and don't even contemplate getting pregnant until the situation with the house is finalised. Just don't.

  3. #13
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    No, you don't want your name on his house. And you want separate accounts. Your name is "not on anything" -- on the contrary - it should be on YOUR car, YOUR bank accounts, etc. And I don't think he should put a girlfriend's name on the home he previously owned with his first wife. If the girlfriend decides to leave - would that be fair for him to have to give up a home he worked hard to get way before she was in the picture? You should have YOUR bills in your name and if you come to agreement that some bills are in your name and you are responsible for - like the cable - then so be it.

    I would not hassle him about selling the house. Only he can decide that and he doesn't have much incentive to sell his house to appease a girlfriend. Now - renting the house out and living elsewhere together if you can present a valid argument for that - but you have had no qualms of living in his marital home up until this point. And if you push the issue -- "i will have nothing when we split up" - you will look like you are after his "stuff" and nothing more. So go out and buy your own condo as an investment property to rent out so that you "have" something.

    I would, instead, work on YOUR financial future - you should have your OWN savings and checking account and should be paying money into that savings every paycheck.

    And you should NOT start a family with this man - you should secure your own financial future -- and not be a baby momma. Have a child with a man who is married to you. you can't be timid when its about your own future. you have already been divorced once and you are not even 30 -- so maybe its time to consider these things. You divorced and then tumbled into living with this guy after a quick year and now want to have a say over his property - i think there are things you need to look at here.

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