Found ex on dating website 😣

Hi everyone,

Feeling down as I just found my ex on a dating site. I don't want to get back together as I know he isn't the right person for me, but it still stings to think he can just jump back on after what he has done. ( I know I'm on the site aswell)

Just looking for some support feeling pretty low 😭😭😭

Please tell me if i am in the wrong.

Bit of background: we dated for just over 2 years. I have had multiple back surgeries and been off work for over a year now and I haven't been the best company. In saying all this though he wasn't the best support. He had mentioned he wasn't happy and we never really had an in-depth conversation about how and what to do to fix it. I went overseas for a wedding and to see my sick grandma. He broke up with me while I was seeing my grandma and took it upon himself to pack all my things against my wishes and let himself into my mother's house to dump my things. We had been through lot together and I was always there for him and his family. Lending him money all the time even though I wasn't the one working and continuously waiting on him, 3 hour exams in the car and 4 hours of class I would wait in the car. Sure he did things for me aswell but I feel like I put in 150% all the time and he didn't see it as that at all. I'm sure he sees it the opposite way around.

When we broke up he said he didn't love me anymore and that was done with me romantically. He also said he was relieved not to have heard from me for a few weeks. Why do I let someone who is obviously so heartless have any effect on me?

Sorry to hear this. You dodged a bullet and he did you a favor bringing your things back to your mother's place. It usually stings seeing that an ex is out there again. However, yeah you are on the site too trying to move forward, right? Why not go ahead and start talking to and meeting men on the site? Just block and delete him from all messaging and social apps.

The relationship was too tough to sustain for the long term. Look at it this way....only 2 years and you find out he's not the best at being supportive....in other words you are better off without him, and you dodged a bullet. Now you know what kind of BF he is.

Next time, make the man earn his worth...don't try and keep a man around with handing out money, and tripping over yourself to keep him happy. You set yourself up for them to take advantage of you. That is what I see here. He played on your weaknesses.

As for his parting , He did it because you would have been difficult for you to go, so he did it for you while you were away. I'm not condoning his actions, it was spineless of him...just goes to show you again that you are better off without him. What a jerk! I hope you feel better soon, and have some fun this weekend...get out and do something!

The more you dwell on this the more you let him win.

Feeling for you. At the end of the day, I think you know what's going on here: breakups just suck, and man oh man does the internet add some kerosene to the fire.

I was in your position back in November. My ex and I had talked reconciliation two months after breaking up. I went on a dating app to take down my profile, and saw that she'd updated hers at the exact moment we were talking about getting back together. That stung! Then again, I'm sure it stung her seeing me on there. Since then I've heard she's dated around—that really stung too. Then again, I've dabbled in dating as well, so who am I to talk?

People flail around after breakups. Some people sleep with lots of people. Some people crawl into a hole and cry. Some people go on dating sites simply to swipe around and boost their ego. Some people are dying to find love, or the illusion of love, as quickly as possible. Ultimately, it's all kind of the same: healing and grieving and trying to figure out what moving on looks like. That's what you're doing, that's what he's doing.

It all just sucks, I know. I guess I've found comfort in looking at all that suckiness as a reminder that things between us just weren't meant to be. It seems that, above everything else, you know that's the case for you too. So just remind yourself of that and keep stepping forward.

Wiseman: thank you 🤗 I know the bullet was dodged thank God. I'm trying to get back out there but still not quite ready I don't think.

Smackie: you are so right, I was a personal atm for him 😣 he never saw it as this obviously something he thinks he is entitled to. I did set myself up unfortunately. What he did was spineless and all I can think is what goes around comes around. I have only done good so surely it's going to come around right? I do feel better and thank you for your honest and kind words.

Bluecastle: thank you sometimes the pangs of loneliness and sadness get the better of me and i have been reading posts on this site and everyone seems so supportive genuine and honest. Im sorry you have been through this too it's such a horrible feeling.

Thank you all for your responses it is making going to sleep much easier.

Thank YOU, Movingonh. On the many days I've struggled to breathe—in one of those states now in my own situation—it's been the strength and authenticity of people like you on sites like this that has helped me find balance and feel less alone.

I wish there was something to make you ease your mind. I have a feeling you are reliving past conversations and probably imagining conversations you would have with him if he were infront of you today.

You look back at all the things you did and probably think that he wouldnt of did not do as much. Three things.

1. Love and relationships dont keep a scoreboard. You waited in the car for him because you wanted to. If you didnt, you would of left. You cant count the chips that are laying on the table and say look, I did more for you than you did for me. All that must be tossed out the window and learn from this. In the next relationship if you dont want to do something, then tell him no, sorry.

2. It didnt work out. That is the reasoning you use. No excuses, no blame, no fault or no guilt to throw around. It didnt work out.

3. Love is not a race. Doesnt matter who found someone else first, what matters is that you find happiness within yourself. I found that being truely happy even if you are not with someone is the best way to get back at someone.

He is on a dating site, who cares, its his life and he let you go. The only one who controls your happiness is you. Let him go and say okay, whats next. Take the lessons from this relationship and you apply them to the next. In the end, youll find happiness again.

Thank you No1. I have been reliving the past which isn't a good idea. It was always like a scoreboard when we were together.

I am much happier single than I was with him it's just missing someone being there is all I guess.

I know I'll be okay just stung when I initially saw him on it.

Hang in there, yes it can sting, "we've all been there", sometimes in the past few months I felt I needed to move on by dating others, but there's a beautiful side to moving on alone, it's always a shock to see you ex "move on quickly " but it's all in the name of wining the breakup.

One partner usually goes out of bounds to make sure they win the breakup. I too was devastated to see my ex with someone else so quickly, perphas that time I didn't understand.

But because I did move on alone, felt the pain, reorganized myself, I won.

I suggest to go off the dating apps if you don't feel so comfortable with your ex on there.

Less triggers mean faster recovery and better post-breakup life