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Got a girlfriend, but starting to like another girl?


LonelyJedi

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Hello all -

 

So I finally managed to get a girlfriend after an incredibly rough last year with a 5.5yr break-up.

 

My current girlfriend ("E"), was found on Bumble. She lives only a few miles away from me and is very nice. She is a year younger than me. We are similar maturity-wise (never did drugs, smoking, don't give into peer pressure, etc.). We are both college educated and have steady jobs. I work as an engineer and she works as an accountant. I liked her instantly because I thought she was cute and she was very easy-going. I asked her to be my girlfriend only after a few weeks and she said yes. She has been incredibly happy with me and I have been happy with her.

 

She is 24 and is a virgin. While I shouldn't have a problem with this, I kind of do. I lost my virginity 5yrs ago to my ex-fiance. I was originally going to wait until marriage, like my current gf "E", but I gave in several years ago. Hey - I was young. I have since then become somewhat of a sexual person. My girlfriend, on the other hand, is not so much. The farthest she has ever gone with somebody is "second base" and the longest relationship she has ever had was 4 months. I constantly "satisfy" her, but she never really "satisfies" me. It is gets frustrating at times. She tells me that she "needs time" to move onto other sexual things, but I can't blame her too much because she is new to all of this stuff. She also said she is consistently nervous around me and feels intimidated about my long 5yr relationship and sexual history. I keep reassuring her to not be nervous or worry since my ex is out of the picture.

 

There is this other girl ("A"), who I also met on Bumble a few weeks before I met my gf. She is 3yrs older than me and lives about an hour away. We lost contact for a few weeks then she contacted me a couple days ago. She asked if I wanted to grab drinks with her and I told her yes. She is absolutely stunning! My girlfriend is cute, but "A" is beautiful! I figured that this wasn't considered "cheating" since I was just grabbing drinks with a girl to get to know her. I saw her yesterday and we talked until the bar closed. We both had an absolute blast and really liked each other. We share a lot of the same interests and are very comfortable around each other. In other words, she is definitely NOT nervous around me. I definitely want to see her again but I feel guilty doing so.

 

I am not sure what to do...

 

 

("A"):

- Lives an hour away (might be a pain)

- Older than me (I have no problem with this, but some people might)

- Share same "geeky" interests

- Super fun to hang out with

- Share sense of humor

- Not nervous/shy

- Has "experience"

 

("E"):

- Lives close by (very easy to see each other)

- About the same age as me (year younger)

- Similar emotional maturity

- Very clingy

- Similar humor

- Has no "experience" and is very shy

 

My gf and I have only been "officially" dating for like 12 days.

I feel like I should hang out with "A" more to make a more informed decision....

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Date with girl on dating site + in a committed relationship + weighing options with the other woman = congrats, cheater

 

Dump your current girlfriend, if she doesn't already after knowing what you've done. She deserves better and tell her the truth about why so she knows this is your problem, not hers. Next time, date around before you get into a relationship.

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LMAO!!!!! Right!!!!! Like, "don't mess me up, I'm too beautiful! I'll just ride you so I don't get my hair messy!!!" :p

 

Not me. If I'm not messed up, it wasn't good!

 

Lol. If both are not messed up, it's a waste of time. Better watch a movie!

 

Seriously though, OP should not string E along. ...

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Seriously? You never should have gotten exclusive with E if you are ALREADY flighty and looking at another woman. You're going to need to learn that you'll be attracted to other people when in a relationship - tons of people are, but they don't act on it because they love their partner. You are making a "pros and cons" list of two women after dating one for literally 12 days. Break up with E, and I would date around with other women before ever going exclusive with A, or else this is going to happen again once someone even MORE stunning than A comes along.

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She is absolutely stunning! My girlfriend is cute, but "A" is beautiful! I figured that this wasn't considered "cheating" since I was just grabbing drinks with a girl to get to know her. I saw her yesterday and we talked until the bar closed. We both had an absolute blast and really liked each other.

 

I would expect this behaviour from a 16 y/o, rather than a 25 y/o man. Either way, you're being incredibly unfair to your current girlfriend, and yes it is considered cheating, which you already know.

 

This, in itself has a tendency to backfire where you usually end up standing alone. I'd give this scenario more thought while realizing that you can't leave one standing, while test driving another.

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Good for you for recognizing all of this and writing about it before taking action! I actually see this as a sign of growth: you're realizing that just because you have a girlfriend, a warm body, does not mean this person is your lifetime partner.

 

As others have said, it's time to let your girlfriend go. Kindly, gently, compassionately, as you yourself have said that she's done nothing wrong. She's just not a good fit for you. Let her go so that she can find someone who is right for her, and you can explore your feelings with this other woman, or someone else who strikes you.

 

After a painful breakup, it's comforting to fall into a relationship with someone who wants us, because it helps ease the pain. But once we recognize that it's an ill-fitting Bandaid, we need to remove the bandaid, while the wound is almost healed.

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It's ok, you're multidating and that's what people do on dating sites until they are sure about a particular match. This is a deal breaker for you so you go with the other one and end things with Ms. second base:

 

"She is 24 and is a virgin. While I shouldn't have a problem with this, I kind of do."

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You just got out of a 5.5 year relationship, now it's time to enjoy casual dating so you can see 'what else is out there". I say sow your wild oats before getting tied down in a committed relationship. Breakup with your GF IMO you are not ready for that. Go get sassy with A and have a good time...you only live once.

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In a nutshell, you got involved with E purely out of desperation and convenience and you are already cheating on her.....how "nice"....

 

Dump the poor girl before you destroy her. Go sow some wild oats, go sleep with A, but DO NOT jump into any commitments, do not freaking cheat and try to tell yourself that it isn't cheating. You are clearly not ready for anything serious and there is nothing wrong with that. It's only wrong when you are making promises you can't keep.

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You come across incredibly emotionally immature. Break up with your girlfriend. You’re cheating on her and justifying it by basically saying she’s not exciting enough for you. Have you no shame in trying to coax this virgin into a sexual relationship with you that you must realize you have not earned? You’re already creepin’ after 12 days. You leave that girls virginity alone and go pork bar flies for a few years until you can be decent to one person. There’s nothing wrong with wanting to do that... In conclusion, be honest with yourself and remember this isn’t about her shortcomings. Good luck!

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why did you ask for a commitnent?

 

going out for drinks with a woman to consider her as a mate, is cheating to me. did you talk to E about what she was committing to?

 

sounds like maybe there's a lesson there.

 

do the right thing. leave miss 2nd base "safe". she is obviously holding on to her virginity experience as a meaningful experience.

 

i say this bc not everyone's first time is even important to them but since it is to her......

 

it would be extra hurtful to kick it to someone that just wanted the sex but really likes someone else

 

you will have a lot of sex in your life... you sound like a player that has a lot of lessons to learn....

 

ha

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I'm going to pile on with the others that meeting with this other woman was a cheating act. Did you even tell "A" that you're in a relationship? You certainly didn't tell "E," I'm sure.

 

After five years in a relationship and only broken up for a year, you made a mistake...you lept too fast into the "girlfriend" mode after only a few weeks when you met someone that seemed perfect. It falls in line with saying ILY after only a few weeks while still in that honeymoon phase and before things start to get real...it may not be true love, so best to wait to say it. Now you're feeling unsatisfied with the relationship and are questioning the long-term sustainability and you're wondering about other women, better compatibility...some sex...and you're questioning of E is really "it" or not. You moved too fast. If you want to see other women and sow your oats, you need to break it off with E. It would probably do you some good to explore other personalities and determine what truly works for you and play a little before you settle down. I don't know what constitutes "a few weeks" but in my mind it is about a month, certainly less than three months...too soon, particularly when you haven't really experienced much after a long relationship that started when you were 18 or 19 years old.

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