I Attend Church with my Ex this is our second breakup

I have been attending a church for a year and meet my now ex in January at church. Apparently we have both been going but I never noticed and he walked up on day and asked me out.

We fell in love almost instantly. He is 7 years younger in his 30s. I had reservations about age but we moved forward for a few weeks. No sex which was my choice and he would get upset about it and not talk to me for days. Finally he just stop returning calls and messages so I moved on and continued to meet other guys and ignored him at church. This went on for about one month.

Recent he approached me and apologized, told me he realized I'm his soulmate, said I had did nothing wrong and he was scared but no longer. I immediately gave in and we started a relationship, after a week he changed his behavior. No calls or texts and I was doing all the reaching to him, he continued to say work was stressing him. So I stopped contacting, I post things on my Facebook of me having fun and not being sad, he is still a friend there, I just moved on with living my life.

Today was the first Sunday I saw him at church since he went MIA and his face lit up when he saw me and so did mine. We half hugged and said hi then we moved on and talked to other church members. I was for sure he would call me tonight but nothing. I still haven't reached out and don't plan too.

I feel embarrassed because this second time I gave in and had sex to show him I love him and plus I could no longer wait for marriage with him. I thought he was serious about wanting to date with a purpose of marriage. Now I feel used, embarrassed, disappointed and sad. Is it worth giving him a third chance if he comes back again?

This guy is a manipulative jerk. He has treated you poorly on multiple occasions. What does he have to do to get you to move on?

Don't ever prove your love through sex. As you can see he was only after one thing. He does/did not love you.

When someone is giving you the silent treatment when you don't put out, it means they do not care for/respect you.

Find another church. You are allowing yourself to get used and played.

No, it is most definitely not worth giving him a third chance.

He has showed you he is not seriously interested in you. He is rude, dismissive and uninterested. Don't go back for Round Three of heartbreak, because that's the only place this will go.

Sorry to hear this. You feel used because you were used. Just because you met at church, it doesn't mean he's a saint. It's where he fishes for easy targets. Don't fall for sheep in wolve's clothing.

Date outside of that church, perhaps on one of the many faith-based dating apps or volunteering or other community activities. Wait for an established relationship before jumping in with both feet. Don't backpedal because you had sex and try to turn this into a relationship. He's a creep.

-No sex which was my choice and he would get upset about it and not talk to me for days.

-this second time I gave in and had sex to show him I love him

-I feel used, embarrassed, disappointed and sad.

He sounds awful

Don't sleep with people so quickly, then you will see them for who they really are.

Why do people go to church when they are hypocritical d-bags? Do they really think their God doesn't care how they conduct themselves as long as they sit in his house once a week? Pfffft.

Yea... best advice is to go to another church and if he calls you again, tell him to have fun in hell.

Is it worth giving him a third chance if he comes back again?

No. And with the huge number of churches available or at least multiple service times, I'd spend my Sundays off of his radar.

I don't think he was a jerk. I think they only dated a few weeks and things fell apart and they didn't continue. If he wanted sex and she didn't, what better reason to break up, right? She had sex "to prove" her love to him --- which is confusing since she couldn't possibly love him only dating a few weeks. If you want a certain kind of person, than you have to be that person, too. If you want to wait til marriage (or at least a long term, committed situation that is leading towards marriage) than you don't have sex and wait for someone on the same page. You can't do the "he said he was looking for a future wife, therefore i am going to sleep with him" and expect that to stick and be together forever. There was no foundation in the relationship - it was just dating for a few weeks.

I think the soul mate language was thick, but it takes one person to say it and one person to decide its fate.

When i was dating, i made sure i was clear about what i wanted. Guys who were looking for a casual relationship never went out with me or they fell away pretty quickly. If i *had* had sex with any of them, i wouldn't say "oh they are a jerk" - because i was the one okay with having sex

I think its a good idea to think about boundaries -- what are yours? And stick to them.

I don't think you should change churches if you like your church. Just go to a different mass. Sometimes we make mistakes - and occasionally have to run into them here and there but we learn from them.

He's a jerk for having sex with her and then he stops communicating with her. No, "this isn't working" or you're a great girl but I'm not feeling the connection" no nothing. If that's not a jerk then I don't know what is.

I don't think he was a jerk. I think they only dated a few weeks and things fell apart and they didn't continue. If he wanted sex and she didn't, what better reason to break up, right? She had sex "to prove" her love to him --- which is confusing since she couldn't possibly love him only dating a few weeks. If you want a certain kind of person, than you have to be that person, too. If you want to wait til marriage (or at least a long term, committed situation that is leading towards marriage) than you don't have sex and wait for someone on the same page. You can't do the "he said he was looking for a future wife, therefore i am going to sleep with him" and expect that to stick and be together forever. There was no foundation in the relationship - it was just dating for a few weeks.

 

I think the soul mate language was thick, but it takes one person to say it and one person to decide its fate.

 

When i was dating, i made sure i was clear about what i wanted. Guys who were looking for a casual relationship never went out with me or they fell away pretty quickly. If i *had* had sex with any of them, i wouldn't say "oh they are a jerk" - because i was the one okay with having sex

 

I think its a good idea to think about boundaries -- what are yours? And stick to them.

 

I don't think you should change churches if you like your church. Just go to a different mass. Sometimes we make mistakes - and occasionally have to run into them here and there but we learn from them.

Of course he was a jerk (I'd use stronger language personally). The way he handled it when she said she wanted to wait before sex was completely out of order.