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Thread: Faith and children - can I move forward with him?

  1. #1
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    Faith and children - can I move forward with him?

    Hi all;

    I have been dating. Online dating and honestly I've met great guys. One in particular- he's not the kind of guy I typically go for but he has been a very nice surprise. The only two things are his faith and children.

    1. He doesn't believe in God and I do. I go to church every Sunday but I don't consider myself religious. I have always been a spiritual person and like church for the community and teachings. I have always been open to beliefs and life so I never think my way is the right way and everyone else is wrong. But for him not to believe their is a God? I always imagined that I would be married to a man that isn't super religious but to at least share my faith.

    2. He doesn't know if he wants children. I'm not dead set on having children but I am leaning towards wanting them in a few years. I am 33 so it's not like I have lots of time anyways...

    I want to get to know him because he is a great guy in all other respects but not sure if these things will be deal breakers down the road. Advice ?

  2. #2
    Forum Supporter ~Seraphim ~'s Avatar
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    My in-laws have been married almost 60 years now. My mother-in-law is religious and my father-in-law is not . She doesnít bother him about it and he doesnít bother her . They are completely at peace about that . Their children were raised in my mother-in-lawĎs faith. Their system of respecting each otherĎs believe has worked out great for them.

    My husband and I belong to the same faith and raised our child that way . He is an adult now and still remains in his faith.

    As you donít even know this fellow yet I would not put the cart ahead of the horse . Just get to know him first before adding complicated issues .

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    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    How long have you been dating? You can not push your faith on anyone. Either you share some beliefs or are Both open to compromise or not. Either you date guys with your faith or you change your criteria. Either you date guys anxious to get married and start families or you change your criteria. Why not get to know him rather than bring the husband checklist on dates. He didn't ask you to marry him, don't try to convert him and he's not in a rush to start a family. You may not like each other or get along down the road.
    Originally Posted by deedee911
    he's not the kind of guy I typically go for but he has been a very nice surprise. The only two things are his faith and children. I always imagined that I would be married to a man that isn't super religious but to at least share my faith. I want to get to know him because he is a great guy in all other respects but not sure if these things will be deal breakers down the road. Advice ?

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    Wiseman- I'm not pushing my faith on anyone nor do I believe in doing that. And we ARE getting to know each other and as such we are BOTH talking about important matters first to see if we want to continue that is how you get to know someone isn't it?

    Seraphim - I like what you said about respecting each other's beliefs. If there is one thing I've learned in dating it is to meet the person where the are at and I can't change them ever. It's more like we are each living our lives but sharing it. Not the other way around were we have to meld to be happy. I love who I am and wouldn't want to change me not would i want anyone to judge me based on my beliefs. He could have easily thought I was a very religious person and decided he didn't want to get to know me before actually getting to know me. Do you think it made you happier that your husband shares the same beliefs? If so How?

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    Forum Supporter ~Seraphim ~'s Avatar
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    Originally Posted by deedee911
    Wiseman- I'm not pushing my faith on anyone nor do I believe in doing that. And we ARE getting to know each other and as such we are BOTH talking about important matters first to see if we want to continue that is how you get to know someone isn't it?

    Seraphim - I like what you said about respecting each other's beliefs. If there is one thing I've learned in dating it is to meet the person where the are at and I can't change them ever. It's more like we are each living our lives but sharing it. Not the other way around were we have to meld to be happy. I love who I am and wouldn't want to change me not would i want anyone to judge me based on my beliefs. He could have easily thought I was a very religious person and decided he didn't want to get to know me before actually getting to know me. Do you think it made you happier that your husband shares the same beliefs? If so How?
    I think my in-laws are very special in that they are totally at peace with what they believe and have no interest in badgering the other to change or belittling the otherís beliefs.

    My husband was raised in religion and I was not. When I met him he had already left his faith . He still believed but he was not a practising Catholic at that point anymore . I was baptized Catholic but not raised one. My mother left her faith shortly after I was born . However the faith still burned in my heart and I still yearned to follow it . When we were having our child was when I decided that we all had to return to our Faith. He agreed.

    I think itís easier that we both follow the same faith . There are no disagreements ,arguments ,challenges to child-rearing in that area . Personally, it makes our life more harmonious .

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    I know plenty of men that don't believe in God and they are good people. I also know of some that do and they are not very nice. As long as you respect one another I don't see it as deal breaker. I remember a Jewish guy I really liked years ago that wouldn't date me unless I converted. I was like whoa I've known you for three months, slow that down. But I wasn't converting anyway. He wasn't willing to compromise so that was a deal breaker. I was raised Catholic and I'm not a die hard fan of it, but people from different religious backgrounds can make it work.

    As far as kids, that's a bigger issue. Don't waste time waiting if you know you want them, with someone who isn't certain.

  8. #7
    Platinum Member mustlovedogs's Avatar
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    Does your profile say you arenít religious? If so, thatís a lie. You are religious. Which is fine - own it.

    Believing in any form of higher deity does not predispose people to being nice. I know good and awful people on both sides.

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    Forum Supporter ~Seraphim ~'s Avatar
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    Having a successful relationship though needs to be predicted on more than if someone is a ď nice person.Ē

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    Platinum Member mustlovedogs's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by ~Seraphim ~
    Having a successful relationship though needs to be predicted on more than if someone is a ď nice person.Ē
    Yes, and more so than just religion too. I threw that point in along with another poster because I know some religious people who believe atheists and agnostics are flawed and bad because they arenít religious.

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    Originally Posted by mustlovedogs
    Yes, and more so than just religion too. I threw that point in along with another poster because I know some religious people who believe atheists and agnostics are flawed and bad because they arenít religious.
    I donít think that is the issue here though. I donít think she believes he is flawed.

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