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Hoping I didn’t ruin my chances


Maddyb12

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Hey all! Been a bit since I’ve posted on here. I’ve been single since December, jumped into dating too soon and so the last three months I really stepped back and focused on myself. Joined a gym in January, worked hard and got a promotion at work, been more social with coworkers and genuinely feel like I’m in a happy place right now! In the past I’ve put a lot of my happiness on whether I had a partner or not so for me to be as happy as I am and single is pretty big for me.

 

 

I haven’t been looking for anything just been living my life. Last weekend my friend threw a surprise party for her boyfriend and we all god a party bus and went out. In the group was a guy I’ve met a few times (my friends, brothers coworker) but when I had met him previously I had a boyfriend who he had Met. We had a great time last Saturday, we ended up going out longer than everyone and eventually he drove me to my house. He lives an hour away so I offered for him to stay over, we didn’t sleep together just made out a little and fell asleep watching a movie. In the morning he took me to breakfast kissed me goodbye and asked for my number. I didn’t think too much of it, just a fun night. But he called me on Tuesday and asked if I wanted to get together Saturday (today). I told him that would probably work, he offered to come to my area but I told him I didn’t mine going that way either. He said if I did come out there he would plan something.

 

Anyways, we live in Southern California and he works for an electrical company as a lineman. Long hours, great job but dangerous. He’s not on his phone much and I had heard from our mutual friends that he never responds to texts etc. (they made a joke when we were all out) so I decided not to initiate conversation and just talk with him when he reaches out. We spoke Tuesday, Wednesday and a little Thursday night but after that nothing. I kind of assumed he had decided he didn’t want to do something anymore. Well today at 3 he texts asking if I’m still coming down that way, my brother last minute came into town to visit so I told him I was going to see my brother but could head that way afterwards but felt bad making him wait for me so if he wanted we could reschedule for Saturday. He responded saying he would let me know and that was it.

 

 

Sorry for the long back story but my question is did I ruin my chances on somewhat bailing on our plans today? I felt like he didn’t have clear communication leading up to today so I wasn’t really sure if we still had plans. I think he’s a nice guy and had a good time last weekend, I’m definitely not getting ahead of myself but i do want to get to know him and see if there’s something there. I’m not an over texter or anything but I believe he’s aware of my interest. Anyone have any advice? I hope I didn’t ruin my chances by bailing or have an impression I wasn’t interested.

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You're not ready. I can feel your anxiety dropping off the page. You're way too attached to his approval which says a lot about your current mental state, go back SN read your old posts. You're not quite ready dear.

 

I don’t feel I’m attached to his approval at all. I feel like I jumped the gun by assuming plans were cancelled and now he might think I’m not interested which is a bummer and not the case

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Was this an evening date? If so I don’t think he left it that late by checking with you in the afternoon. I don’t think you were very fair just to assume it was cancelled and then make plans. To him it’ll look like you ditched him.

 

That’s what I’m worried about. I shouldn’t have assumed that’s why I told him I could come that way after saying hi to my brother for a bit but still I know I kinda dropped the ball on this one

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I just don't understand the emphasis on needing to stay in touch to that extent before a first date. You barely know him, had a nice time meeting him, he asked you out on a date and needed to confirm the time/place. Why would he have to text you or call you other than to confirm a time and place and since he slept over your house and you made out with him why didn't you confirm the time/place?

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I just don't understand the emphasis on needing to stay in touch to that extent before a first date. You barely know him, had a nice time meeting him, he asked you out on a date and needed to confirm the time/place. Why would he have to text you or call you other than to confirm a time and place and since he slept over your house and you made out with him why didn't you confirm the time/place?

 

I get what you’re saying. When he asked me he said “maybe Saturday night we can do something” And I said “yeah that should work!” to which he responded “ok let me plan something” but there was no time in place or anything. If he has given me a set time or even sent me his address or something that would have seemed to confirm it for me. But also my brother rarely makes it into town so regardless I would have had to go and see him before heading out for the night. I was still planning to go see him yesterday but he didn’t say much after I offered coming that way a little later (like 7 pm) to me that’s a reasonable time still.

 

I’m just gonna leave that that and see if is willing to reschedule for next week

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Hi Maddy, a bit confused - you made a date for Saturday (yesterday) but had not heard from him since Thursday, your brother came to town so you asked him if he wanted to reschedule for Saturday, the same day?

 

Did you mean reschedule for Sunday (today)?

 

Surely I must have missed something.

 

In any event, since he told you he would let you know (about the reschedule), then wait to hear from him.

 

Frankly and just my opinion, he doesn't sound all that interested.

 

Nothing you did or didn't do, just my sense based on what you posted about your interaction yesterday (Saturday).

 

I also think if he were interested he would have offered to come to your area, rather than asking you at 3:00 pm if you were still planning on driving to his.

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I get what you’re saying. When he asked me he said “maybe Saturday night we can do something” And I said “yeah that should work!” to which he responded “ok let me plan something” but there was no time in place or anything. If he has given me a set time or even sent me his address or something that would have seemed to confirm it for me. But also my brother rarely makes it into town so regardless I would have had to go and see him before heading out for the night. I was still planning to go see him yesterday but he didn’t say much after I offered coming that way a little later (like 7 pm) to me that’s a reasonable time still.

 

I’m just gonna leave that that and see if is willing to reschedule for next week

 

So he should have followed up and confirmed. I agree. I still would have followed up "hey -my brother is in town and I know we said we'd do something Saturday -what were you thinking of so I know how to plan around my brother's visit"

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Maddy, I think you handled the situation just fine.

 

Sure you could have taken the active role of contacting him asking him for confirmation, allowing him to remain passive, if you feel comfortable in that role.

 

But it wasn't your job to do that - *he* was the one who suggested Saturday and told you *he* would plan something.

 

But then waits until 3:00 pm the day of and then asks you if "you" were still planning on driving to him?

 

As if that's not bad enough, after telling him your brother was in town and asking him if he wanted to reschedule for another day, he responds he will let you know?

 

These are not the responses/actions of an interested man, sorry.

 

Haven't said this in awhile but choose wisely from the get go and avoid confusion and disappointment later.

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I get what you’re saying. When he asked me he said “maybe Saturday night we can do something” And I said “yeah that should work!” to which he responded “ok let me plan something” but there was no time in place or anything. If he has given me a set time or even sent me his address or something that would have seemed to confirm it for me. But also my brother rarely makes it into town so regardless I would have had to go and see him before heading out for the night. I was still planning to go see him yesterday but he didn’t say much after I offered coming that way a little later (like 7 pm) to me that’s a reasonable time still.

 

I’m just gonna leave that that and see if is willing to reschedule for next week

 

YOU should be rescheduling. Why didn't you ask him on Thursday for specifics?

 

You are not ready to date.

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He said he would plan something so I’m not sure why the consensus is that it was cancelled. In my opinion 3pm isn’t that bad to get in touch-some men are just last minute like that!

 

Agree it's fine had he called to confirm and advised her of the plans, which HE told her he would make.

 

Instead after not contacting her for 2.5 days he calls her mid-afternoon and asked her if *she* still planned on driving to his? What is that?

 

What about the plans he was supposed to make, that HE told her he would make?

 

This was their first date, come on.

 

Higher standards and all that, and you avoid getting jerked around by disinterested guys.

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To add - "maybe" Saturday is not a date.

 

As has been said on this forum sooooo many times, if no definite day, time, place has been set, there is no date.

 

I don't take "maybe's" seriously.

 

Maddy, you did absolutely nothing wrong.

 

Personally I would next him based on his lack of follow through and evasiveness.

 

Had we had a few dates already, I'd be more forgiving but hell this was your first date.

 

Next.

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I don’t feel I’m attached to his approval at all. I feel like I jumped the gun by assuming plans were cancelled and now he might think I’m not interested which is a bummer and not the case

 

I apologize for all the typos it made what I was saying hard to read. I remember all your posts. You tend to put the cart before the horse and gain false attachments to men who show little interest and the men that do you...run away from. You say you're not attached but your anxiety is sky high, that's going to make seeing any man an uphill battle. Any man.

 

 

 

Everyone's giving you conflicting tips but at the end of the day, looking at your history it's not going to make much of a difference. You have some things in your mind you should sort out before dating.

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I apologize for all the typos it made what I was saying hard to read. I remember all your posts. You tend to put the cart before the horse and gain false attachments to men who show little interest and the men that do you...run away from. You say you're not attached but your anxiety is sky high, that's going to make seeing any man an uphill battle. Any man.

 

 

 

Everyone's giving you conflicting tips but at the end of the day, looking at your history it's not going to make much of a difference. You have some things in your mind you should sort out before dating.

 

I do get what you’re saying but I know how happy I am with my life right now which is big for me and I don’t think it’s wrong I start to get back into the dating world. I’m very easy going I tend to over think especially with dating but my actions don’t usually show that. I don’t have anxiety over the situation but I am trying to handle the situation appropriately which it seems I didn’t when I made other plans. Im not sure what his interest level is nor am I even sure what my interest level is but I do want to spend time with him and see if we enjoy each others company or if it was just a drinking induced fun night. Like I said earlier I’m just gonna give it some space and see what happens. I think he should have been more communicative about our plans

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If you want somebody that is more communicative about plans then this probably isn’t the guy for you from the sounds of it. I don’t think either of you did anything wrong at this point… Except make a lot of assumptions which is never a good thing to do in any circumstance.

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To add - "maybe" Saturday is not a date.

 

As has been said on this forum sooooo many times, if no definite day, time, place has been set, there is no date.

 

I don't take "maybe's" seriously.

 

Maddy, you did absolutely nothing wrong.

 

Personally I would next him based on his lack of follow through and evasiveness.

 

Had we had a few dates already, I'd be more forgiving but hell this was your first date.

 

Next.

 

Exactly how I take the “maybe”, he said “let me plan something” so I took that as he would let me know when he had made a plan for us

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I actually don't think he did anything "wrong" either.

 

I just don't think he's all that interested.

 

If he were, he would have been more definitive about scheduling a date, instead of "maybe."

 

He wouldn't have waited 2.5 days since his "maybe" to reach out again, and then asked you mid-afternoon the day of his "maybe" if you were driving to see him.

 

When you asked to reschedule, he wouldn't have apathetically said "I will let you know" -- have you heard back from him yet re the day you proposed?

 

Not sure what your and everyone else's experience is with men who are interested, but in my world, this isn't it.

 

That is why I said I would next him; I don't do well with apathetic, evasive, disinterested men.

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