Is she a rebound?

This may get long.

I had been on and off with this guy for a year. We started with talking last April, he was sent away for work, had our first date in June, became a couple by July, he broke it off in August, I went NC in September, started talking again in October, back together by December.

Things had been going really good. I thought we were super strong, both of use openly telling the other how happy we were. In December, his boss told him he needed him to relocate to Florida for work. We decided to give the LDR a go. I am a travel nurse, and we both agreed that if the first month or so went well that I would ask my recruiter for a contract where my now ex bf had to go.

About a week after he had been down there. We got into a spat. We were supposed to watch a movie together (him in FL, me in MN). He went radio silence. Earlier that day we had planned my 2 week trip down there at the end of the month. Booked a hotel room for a weekend away, the things we would do, etc. After the spat, he didn't respond for me for 2 days. His response was that unfortunately this was too much like his marriage and he didn't think he could do it. I told him I believed in us and let's work it out because it was a dumb spat. No responses for a few days, then it was "I need time and space". I gave him that. We started talking again, and the plan was still for me to go to Florida. Then 2 days before I was supposed to leave, he told me he was getting sent away for work and I shouldn't come. I made other travel plans for my 16 days off.

All this time, he hadn't came right out and said we were over. When I was on a flight between Vegas and Chicago, he said we were not a we anymore, and I was free to do what I want. He wanted to sleep with other people. He kept saying he couldn't do distance because of his marriage. I did get drunk and slept with someone else in Chicago. I felt like I cheated on him, even though he told me I was free to do what I wanted. We ended up video chatting for 2 hours my 2nd night in Chicago. I was tipsy and I ended up telling him about my mistake the night before. He laughed and said he didn't believe me. I left it at that.

After Chicago (first weekend in March), we didn't talk for a few days. Then he told me he had got switched to overnights at work and he was working 15 hour days. I believed him. So our texting was less, as was our video chatting. Our last video chat was a little over a week ago.

This past Monday, he unfriended me on fb. I have an app that tells me when this happens. We hadn't talked in a week. He had last told me he was super busy and stressed with work, so I gave him his space. I asked him what was up and if I did something to upset him. He said that he may have met someone and didn't want me to find out from anyone but him. He didn't want to hurt me and he was trying to protect me. I said that was really quick and I wasn't trying to be a . He said he felt like an and I could be whatever I wanted to be.

We ended up talking on the phone for an hour. I asked him about lying to me because he didn't have time to answer texts, but he had time to date people? He said that they were already getting serious and they've slept together. I asked him if it was real for us, and he said yes it was. He was very happy with me, I am one of the most amazing women he's ever met, he just can't do distance. "She's 20 minutes away and you're 1600 miles away." I eventually got upset and he ended the phone conversation. "You're very upset and I need to go to bed. We'll talk later, if ever." I sent a few angry texts, saying things like "So the last time we video chatted and you were telling me you missed me, you were already seeing her?" And "I'm not happy that you moved on. This really hurts me." "Was I just a fling? Is that why I never met your family and you never posted about me on fb?" I then said "I'm upset. I'll stop. I'm sorry."

The next day, I had calmed down. I sent him an email saying I needed to be happy for him if he found happiness. I needed to let him go, sent him a lot of love and wishes for all the happiness he can have. I truly meant it. Then... I saw his Facebook.

He unfriended me so he could become fb friends with the new girl. She added a picture of them together at the beach or on a boat. At this time, you couldn't see it on his fb. It popped up when I searched his name. "#mcm rain or shine! Love spending time with this guy!"

I sent a message saying "I really believed you all the times you said you were super busy with work. I never in a million years thought you would lie to me." Then next message "I will leave you alone now. Goodbye, Paul."

My sister told me he shared the pic of him and the new girl at about 2 am after all of that.

I'm super hurt and confused and I am having a hard time with this. My heart says we'll end up back together, but it's also beyond hurt. I'm NC as of Tuesday evening. Any insight on what's going on here? Is she a rebound? Does he still have feelings? Should I move on?

This is a minefield of red flags. Unfortunately it's been on/off, turbulent, repeated cheating, is angry about his divorce. Block and delete him from all social media and messaging. Stop going after him. You dodged a bullet. Start dating stable local men.

His response was that unfortunately this was too much like his marriage and he didn't think he could do it.

Then 2 days before I was supposed to leave, he told me he was getting sent away for work and I shouldn't come.

he said we were not a we anymore, and I was free to do what I want. He wanted to sleep with other people.

He kept saying he couldn't do distance because of his marriage.

He said that he may have met someone and didn't want me to find out from anyone but him.

Yeah, I don't see any chance of you getting back together with this guy. He's just sleeping around, enjoying his bachelor-hood. You might have been the rebound from his marriage. He's just a player. He was probably sleeping with other people while he was dating you. Block him and move on.

He had been out of his marriage for about a year and a half when we got together. He had dated a girl and had 1 girlfriend prior to me. We only argued 3 times in the last year. First time was me being insecure and bringing stuff from my past into it. 2nd time was me being upset because he had cancelled plans due to a snow storm. 3rd time was the last spat due to him going radio silent when we had plans and I got worried something happened to him.

He cried the first time he ended it. He's cried twice during video chats since our last spat. I guess I just really thought there was truly something between us.

I don't understand why he would keep coming back and tell me all the things about missing me and how happy he was. Telling me he didn't want to go and leave me, that due to work and financial issues from his marriage, he had to go.

I'm definitely going no contact at this point. My head is still spinning from all of this.

I guess I'm also wondering if it was real. I asked him what I did wrong and what I could do better in my next relationship to not make the same mistakes again. He told me I didn't do anything wrong. I'm one of the most amazing women that he has ever met. He said it was all him and that he can't do distance. Was that a lie in your opinions?

Never ask anyone this. Yes it was a lie. He found someone as soon as he got there and just jerked you around until he finally fessed up.

I asked him what I did wrong and what I could do better in my next relationship to not make the same mistakes again.

Thank you, Wiseman! I started therapy about a month ago to help me work through relationship issues and where I've been going wrong. I did it at the suggestion of my therapist. Basically if I felt comfortable asking any of my exes who I'm still in contact with if they had any insight. That's why I asked.

This situation as well gets brought up. I had been doing really well until everything this past Monday. Since then, I'm an absolute wreck again and whatever progress I thought I had made towards healing is set back.

I'm always open to insight from others, so anyone with insight or opinions, please feel free to add them 🙂

I think this has run its course.

He didn't have the stones to be truthful with you. Be glad a liar is out of your life.

Don't wait around for him. Go live your life.

Am I a Dumb*** because I sent him this long email? I truly meant everything I said in it. Now I just wonder if I am more pathetic than anything. This was real for me.

I told him I should be happy for him, that I was hurt, that I loved him, that this girl must mean something to him. I thanked him for the lessons I have learned, for helping me to grow as a person, and for everything that has been this past year. I also wished him all the happiness that he once gave me (which was a lot).

That's obviously just the cliff notes, but if it was all a lie to him, I look soooooo sad and pathetic, huh?

Am I a Dumb*** because I sent him this long email? I truly meant everything I said in it. Now I just wonder if I am more pathetic than anything. This was real for me.

 

I told him I should be happy for him, that I was hurt, that I loved him, that this girl must mean something to him. I thanked him for the lessons I have learned, for helping me to grow as a person, and for everything that has been this past year. I also wished him all the happiness that he once gave me (which was a lot).

 

That's obviously just the cliff notes, but if it was all a lie to him, I look soooooo sad and pathetic, huh?

No, you're not... but as you've deduced, it didn't put you in a confident light.

Now that you've gotten this off your chest, you can put him on block, do NC and get on with living your life.

Not all relationship are supposed to work out--some are here to teach you a life lesson that you'll remember in the future when this same set of circumstances tries to present itself again. You'll know exactly what you're looking at and exactly what to do.

Update...

He actually messaged me this morning saying "I do hope in the future we can be friends".

??

I didn't respond, nor will I. I just don't understand why if I said goodbye and he already has a new girl, he would still want me in his life. This just seems so messed up to me.

I'm gonna tell you what a stranger told me when she saw that I was the ex gf of my recent ex. Her exact words: "Oh wow, is he stupid. Leave this man alone he is no good, do you hear me?" To which he replies "Do you hear that? She said you're too beautiful for me" yeah damn right so listen anytime a man isn't what you want, don't stick around hoping it's gonna ever change. It won't. Leave him behind with the trash. He's LD anyway. Stay away from men than are recently divorced. You were the third He has been with in 1 1/2 years? He just latches on anywhere he can. He's not even looking to be serious. Let him bed whomever he wishes. They aren't getting a prize in a man who cheats.

To answer your question, he's keeping you as back up . Don't allow it.

Update...

He actually messaged me this morning saying "I do hope in the future we can be friends".

??

I didn't respond, nor will I. I just don't understand why if I said goodbye and he already has a new girl, he would still want me in his life. This just seems so messed up to me.

That's called "baiting the hook". He's putting his lines in the water just in case things with this chick don't work out, he can fall back onto you using the "friends" rouse. That lets you know how slenderly he considers your esteem.