I’m lost! I wanted to have a baby from my married man lover

Hi All, first pls don’t judge me. I’m seeking your advice here in my situation.

I’m married for almost 6yrs. During my first 4years was great with my husband, deeply in love and intimate. But my husband have a usual habit of hiding things on me, in terms of his gambling habit and tends to take my own money without my permission. It was a repetitive scenes for the past year and i ended up seeing myself of being tired dealing with him. I’m tired of being too good.

To cut the story... i look for someone that I can talk and start new friendships (only). I ended up meeting this man (54 yo right now) while I’m only (30 yo). I didn’t care much on the age gap bec for what i know i just need someone to talk and share my thoughts. But We end up with intimacy relationship. Both of us are married and he have 1 daughter that he loves dearly. From the start, I’m the one who fell in love so deeply. I tried to escape this toxic relationship but I couldn’t. He still look for me after 3 weeks.

After that, the fire grows even more.

We already seeing and messaging each other almost everyday for almost 2years. The longer it is, the more difficult to let go. I know one day he will leave me as he need to go back to his own country for her daughter’s education.

Recently, we discuss about having a baby. I was delayed for 2months, but it’s not bec i’m pregnant. Just bec of my hormones. And he pop out with a question of “what am i going to do if he makes me pregnant “. I answer it with honesty, i said I will keep it. But he said he was not able to support me and be with me, and having that baby will be a memory of what we have. Even he highlighted that he actually wants to have more baby. And i’m the perfect one is bec he cannot make me pregnant if he don’t have any feelings. He loves me so he wants me to get pregnant which is i also wanted to have baby. Me and my husband don’t have any as i lost my interest making love with him and to make a plan to have a family with him.

I know if any case we make love he may do it, as he said he will try his best to make me pregnant. I don’t know if it’s the right thing to do bec i know there will be a lot of consequences and i may lose everything i have now (job, marriage, everything) if that’s happen. But at the side of my mind i’m excited to have his baby with me and have my own child. I know it’s a selfish act of ours that’s make me really confused. What should i do?

Recently, we discuss about having a baby. I was delayed for 2months, but it’s not bec i’m pregnant. Just bec of my hormones. And he pop out with a question of “what am i going to do if he makes me pregnant “. I answer it with honesty, i said I will keep it. But he said he was not able to support me and be with me, and having that baby will be a memory of what we have. Even he highlighted that he actually wants to have more baby. And i’m the perfect one is bec he cannot make me pregnant if he don’t have any feelings. He loves me so he wants me to get pregnant which is i also wanted to have baby. Me and my husband don’t have any as i lost my interest making love with him and to make a plan to have a family with him.

 

I know if any case we make love he may do it, as he said he will try his best to make me pregnant. I don’t know if it’s the right thing to do bec i know there will be a lot of consequences and i may lose everything i have now (job, marriage, everything) if that’s happen. But at the side of my mind i’m excited to have his baby with me and have my own child. I know it’s a selfish act of ours that’s make me really confused. What should i do?

Your post makes no sense, unless you are a troll.

In case you aren't. Does he love you or have no feelings for you?

Does he want a baby or not?

Do both of you seriously believe that he can't impregnate you because he has no feelings for you or is English not your first language and I misunderstood?

By all means, the last thing you should do right now is have a baby and it's not because of the infidelity.

He loves me (that’s what he say). What am I trying to say is that, if he doesn’t love me why he wants to get me pregnant. And yes he wanted a baby with me (i’m referring To my lover). Sorry, English is not my first language. =)

Your post makes no sense, unless you are a troll.

In case you aren't. Does he love you or have no feelings for you?

Does he want a baby or not?

Do both of you seriously believe that he can't impregnate you because he has no feelings for you or is English not your first language and I misunderstood?

By all means, the last thing you should do right now is have a baby and it's not because of the infidelity.

He loves me (that’s what he say). What am I trying to say is that, if he doesn’t love me why he wants to get me pregnant. And yes he wanted a baby with me (i’m referring To my lover). Sorry, English is not my first language. =)

Hi All, first pls don’t judge me. I’m seeking your advice here in my situation.

So you are asking for justification more so than advice. You don’t get to tell people how they choose to respond either.

I’m married for almost 6yrs. During my first 4years was great with my husband, deeply in love and intimate. But my husband have a usual habit of hiding things on me, in terms of his gambling habit and tends to take my own money without my permission. It was a repetitive scenes for the past year and i ended up seeing myself of being tired dealing with him.

Then get a divorce.

But We end up with intimacy relationship. Both of us are married and he have 1 daughter that he loves dearly.

So you want to sabotage somebody else’s marriage and family because you are unhappy with yours. Awesome. That speaks volumes about your character.

How about work on yourself and your own issues with your own marriage?

So, you are married, but have been having an affair for the past 2 years with a man who is also married and has a kid.

You are worried that if you get pregnant, you will lose your current situation, your job, marriage and everything. But it is okay to have an affair with a married man, just as long as you don't have a baby? But now you want to have a baby to him? But he won't be there for it?

This is a mess.

If your marriage is not working, you are unhappy, the right thing to do is leave the marriage. The wrong thing to do is go have sex with someone else.

I would suggest you stop sleeping with this other guy and go tell your husband. When he asks for a divorce, take it and never get married again, as you obviously do not understand the point of marriage.

"I know it’s a selfish act of ours that’s make me really confused. What should i do?"

- I second Cope..., sounds like Troll talk to me.

So, you are married, but have been having an affair for the past 2 years with a man who is also married and has a kid.

You are worried that if you get pregnant, you will lose your current situation, your job, marriage and everything. But it is okay to have an affair with a married man, just as long as you don't have a baby? But now you want to have a baby to him? But he won't be there for it?

 

This is a mess.

 

If your marriage is not working, you are unhappy, the right thing to do is leave the marriage. The wrong thing to do is go have sex with someone else.

 

I would suggest you stop sleeping with this other guy and go tell your husband. When he asks for a divorce, take it and never get married again, as you obviously do not understand the point of marriage.

Thank you Keyman

It does not seem like you have thought about the wellbeing of the child. At all. How will you explain this when the child asks?

Why haven't you divorced your husband?

You don't honestly believe that him wanting a baby has anything to do with love? He loves you so much that he is returning to his wife! None of this makes sense.

Why don't you end your marriage and find a single man?

It will be hard to explain to your husband.

he said he will try his best to make me pregnant.

Are you capable of financially caring for yourself and this child? If you're not then you would be very stupid to get pregnant because you will lose your husband and your lover.

I answer it with honesty, i said I will keep it. But he said he was not able to support me and be with me,

He loves me (that’s what he say). What am I trying to say is that, if he doesn’t love me why he wants to get me pregnant. And yes he wanted a baby with me (i’m referring To my lover). Sorry, English is not my first language. =)

If you are looking to get pregnant only to see if he loves you...Don't. He doesn't. Even if he says so, he's choosing his wife.

A baby isn't a Valentine's day card.

Are you planning to try to pass this baby off as your husband's?

It does not seem like you have thought about the wellbeing of the child. At all. How will you explain this when the child asks?

 

Why haven't you divorced your husband?

I did think of the child well being ofcourse. I told him that I donÂ’t know if i can take the situation if one day my kid will ask anything about his father. ThatÂ’s make me absolutely uncertain with everything and confused.

Are you capable of financially caring for yourself and this child? If you're not then you would be very stupid to get pregnant because you will lose your husband and your lover.

 

I take it you're not in a country that would force him to financially support his child???

I’m not in a country that will force him to financially support the kid, and in my character I wouldn’t ask either. I can work and have some savings that I believed i can support my child. But i know this is all just a thoughts. When I’m in a real situation, maybe it’s more even difficult.

I know one day he will leave me as he need to go back to his own country for her daughter’s education.

Recently, we discuss about having a baby. And he pop out with a question of “what am i going to do if he makes me pregnant “. I answer it with honesty, i said I will keep it. But he said he was not able to support me and be with me, and having that baby will be a memory of what we have.

 

What should i do?

OP, you really need a reality check! This guy has told you upfront, that he is not able to support you, or be with you, and you also KNOW he will be going back to his own country. And then you seriously contemplate having a baby by him?? Seriously? How will you explain this child to your husband, seeing as you say you no longer have sex with him?

You will lose your husband, the other guy, and be left with a child to raise on your own. Can you do that? Do you have the money the raise a child for the next 18 years?

What to do? End this madness immediately and do NOT bring an innocent child into this mess.

Are you planning to try to pass this baby off as your husband's?

Definitely no. Just to share that three of us comes from different culture.

Why are you considering this? He won't even be around. Your judgement is really bad. You are not thinking of the child. At all.

Why aren't you divorcing?

You are not thinking of the child at all only yourself. No child is there to fill your emptiness.

OP, you really need a reality check! This guy has told you upfront, that he is not able to support you, or be with you, and you also KNOW he will be going back to his own country. And then you seriously contemplate having a baby by him?? Seriously? How will you explain this child to your husband, seeing as you say you no longer have sex with him?

 

You will lose your husband, the other guy, and be left with a child to raise on your own. Can you do that? Do you have the money the raise a child for the next 18 years?

 

What to do? End this madness immediately and do NOT bring an innocent child into this mess.

Hi Capricorn3, I definitely need this advice. Thank you!! Yeah, i know.. i’m so blind about the feelings i have for him and didn’t care about anything else. For the past 3days it keep buzzing on my mind whatever he said to me. And realizing that his love for me is not genuinely enough to give a child and leave me after that. Though right now, I don’t have the courage to let him go and leave what we have but i shouldn’t think anymore beyond that. I shouldn’t think about having a baby with him will be a good idea.

I shouldn’t think about having a baby with him will be a good idea.

You're absolutely right, it is NOT a good idea at all. It is the worst thing you can do - both for the child, and yourself. Trust me, you have no idea how tough it is raising a child, It is very very very hard work, also very expensive. You will do this ALL on your own, for 18 years! Simply saying, "I'll find work", will NOT make any of this easier for you. What if you DON'T find work? What then? You haven't thought any of this through properly. There is so much more involved in raising a child. You need to wake up and leave this mess - the sooner the better.

Why aren't you divorcing?

If you are looking to get pregnant only to see if he loves you...Don't. He doesn't. Even if he says so, he's choosing his wife.

 

A baby isn't a Valentine's day card.

I agree with this, though i know. My own stupidity and i accept the fact. Thank you for the straight talk.

Why aren't you divorcing?

My husband doesn’t want. I did open it to him before. But he doesn’t agree and try to be good as much as possible. I feel that something is inside me (a devil maybe). I know i’m not the same woman that he married before and i feel bad for him bec I feel that my love is really getting distant from him now. I’m being unfair, i know. It’s also difficult for me so sometimes i was thinking to make a way to let him hate me and he can insist of divorce, but I don’t know if it’s the right thing to do as he will be very upset and he tends to commit suicide for a few time when i am trying to leave him.