In Love But Alone

In 2013, I left a graduate school that wasn't right for me. My college professor was impressed with me and kept up with my life from undergrad-- however, this was grad school I left and even though I was in love with college professor, I let him go and slip from my mind. He sat with me on a bench recently and explained he got a divorce for me but needed me to wait until things were set in stone and financially straight. he told me not working would be fine with him if I wanted to be supported. I was happily surprised. He was in love with me while Ive been in love with him.

the hard part is he asked me to wait for him.

it's been a month or so of no contact while he puts his affairs in order.

And I'm realizing I feel alone and not sure if he's coming back and already reached out to which I got no reply.

I keep telling people I'm single but not looking for a guy. They dont know my secret. OH and the prof and I had been friends for years after meeting so it wasn't out of the blue as this sounded lol.

I'm scared to trust him. Ive never had a solid good relationship before and that's what I want. Even his social media has gone silent.

Waiting Game...

Is he proposing? Do you think that's why he's doing it this way????

Is he proposing? Do you think that's why he's doing it this way????

You haven't really given much information. But, I don't think he is acting this way because he is going to propose to you.

I don't think you should put your life on hold for him.

He told you he got a divorce FOR YOU?? Did you two have an affair?

I don't think it was YOU, TBH. There are a couple thoughts in play:

1. His marriage was pretty much over a long time ago, and his relationship with you, platonic (?), romantic feelings, including that of other women, made him realize, it's time to cut the rope and move on. He and his wife have moved in different directions, and the relationship just isn't there anymore.

2. He doesn't think he needs to actually put work into a marriage and relationship, and it's just not easy and fun like in the early days, and he's just going to flit to the next person until things get hard, at which point he'll move onto the next, and the next.

Getting involved with someone recently divorced is a slippery slope. There are rebounds. He doesn't know what he wants. Sure, you may have spearheaded his decision to exit, but that does not mean, in any way, shape, or form, you will be "the one." You were merely a tool or a stepping stone on his path.

You should not put your life on hold for him or avoid meeting that great guy. I highly doubt he's going to whip out a proposal the second he finalizes his divorce after a month...or more...of NC. Do you see the problem with NC?? I'm sorry, but NO, it is manipulative and controlling to tell you or expect you to sit and wait for MONTHS and not do so much as go out on a date once a week.

It bothers me that one of his "selling points" is he's happy to provide for you and you don't have to work. This screams control and manipulation.

My "spidey senses" are seeing a train wreck with this guy. You're a SAHM with three babies, and the marriage takes some lumps because it's not fun and easy anymore, and the next thing you know, he wants out, and you have three babies and no ability to provide, as you've put your career goals on hold...for him...and you have supported him and his endeavors...and believed his promises that he is now breaking.

What makes you think he won't do the same thing to you as he's doing with his current wife?

This is very fishy. There wouldn't be anything to keep him from at least calling you or texting you. He could at least come over to your place or take you out for dinner. That is unless he's not really divorced or separated. I think you're being used or played with. With your bipolar condition, I don't think this relationship is healthy for you.

This is very fishy. There wouldn't be anything to keep him from at least calling you or texting you. He could at least come over to your place or take you out for dinner. That is unless he's not really divorced or separated. I think you're being used or played with. With your bipolar condition, I don't think this relationship is healthy for you.

I agree with Danzee. Id be very careful. I have a friend who was seeing a married man who was supposed to leave his wife for her. We didn't approve but didn't get involved. However fast forward 2 years. he NEVER left his wife and this person USED my friend.

It was soul destroying for her for all the lies she had to go through. This person was saying he would get a divorce and he would ask his wife. Two years this dragged on and ultimately in the end he went back to his wife.

Its been a month BUT do you want to wait up till 2 years like my friend? You need to protect yourself and keep busy and meet someone else. Someone who wants to be with you and not let you hang on.

for a man to leave his wife now a days is a huge commitment financially for a man. For a successful man and established it is one of the biggest decision he can make. More so than getting married in my opinion. I mean look at all the things he is going to lose compared to what he is gaining. His life will still have to revolve around his former spouse even after a divorce. Whatever he is making would be cut nearly in half and if he has children he would support then if he is not a douchebag. So he tells you to wait. He is thinking about the possibilities and gains vs loss. Financially it make sense to stay with the wife and kids while having a relationship with you. He is a man who thinks logically and not emotionally. He may love you enough to leave his wife but will he do it? When he is with you he likes what he has (acting with his pants) but while away and have to really really think about it he is using his brain. I don't know about divorce but I don't think it can happen in a month, you'll be waiting a long while before he comes around with you even if he does get a divorce. Look at it this way also, when he gets divorced he would be free from whatever he was unpleased with. I doubt he will jump right into another marriage so soon after the divorce. I mean he is making two gigantic decisions on his life back to back without any air in between. Walk away I think