My fiancee went crazy....the whole story, written like a novel. Please advice

Hi everyone,

The following story turned out to be much longer than I intended but I promise it’s going to read like a novel. It's not the typical 'I broke up with my girl, what now?'-thing. This is ‘better’ than lots of television series like Days of our lives and The bold and the beautiful. Shows of which you think: this would never happen in real life. Well, sure it would. It happened to me.

I know I post this in the advice section and sure I can use some advice of how to move on but the writing itself has some therapeutical effect on me I guess.

Let's just say my name is F, I'm a 38 year old Western-European guy.

I'm a sales guy, International business. For 7 years I've been travelling the world professionally. I've been to so many places and have some many customers that became friends all over the world, so many crazy adventures I ended up in.....I feel really blessed I experienced that and see it as an enrichment of my life.

I bought an appartment when I was 23 years old and although last few years I wanted to move to a bigger house, because of all the travelling I never did.

I had relations from time to time. But never ever I felt like getting married to one of those girls. And most of these 7 years of travelling I was single and enjoyed it. A family and children, sure I wanted that, just not yet....those were things for later.

I'm a passionate hunter as well, which is maybe more common in the US or other countries but is definitely more controverse over here.

I've been a waterskier ever since I was a child and although I never smoked cigarettes....I do have a nice collection of Cuban cigars.

Normally I'm super positive and I like to laugh and enjoy life to the fullest....normally that is :-(

September 2016 I'm invited to a birthday party of the owner of my hunting shop.

I arrive fashionably late and the lady of the house introduces me to some other people.

One of them a stunning beauty. But I don't know her and I'm not really the player kind of guy so I just talk to a lot of people bu eventually also with her.

Turns out she's single, she hunts, she waterskies, she smokes cigars and she even likes Blackadder, the BBC comedy series with Rowan Atkinson I adore. What are the odds????

The afternoon continues and we start to play some pool in teams. I'm teamed up with her and cause I'm pretty good at it we win almost every game.

After like the 5th victory instead of high-fiving me, she just passionately kisses me.

I'm swept off my feet of course.

I'm not bad looking but never ever I thought I could get a girl like that. She said she had been giving me hints all afternoon but I just didn’t get it so she took the first step.

The evening continues and she invites me to her home. I already said her 'look, I live in a common appartment, don't expect too much of it', so she asked me if I wanted to go with her.

She drove a Range Rover, so already I was intimidated as I drove a much smaller car.

We arrive at her home and end up having the best sex ever....all night. She has a stunning body and was into all the crazy and kinky stuff.

In the morning, again, I'm still intimidated and ask her 'uhm, was this for once or will I see you again?'

It was the latter and we started a relation.

She had been married before and had 2 kids. Now, important to say, her ex-husband was 17 years older and was filthy rich, really loaded. They lived in a mansion with SPA and everything you desire and last several years she was running the spa as a business. Some kind of BNB with private restaurant (she is a tremendous cook) and wellness. Let's say, a job that's not too hard and a bit typical for the wife of a rich guy.

Her ex has a big company and before they used to have a big dicotheque as well....of which she told they invited some of the most popular DJs from time to time and had big drug-parties afterwards...I hated that part. I'm totally not into drugs. But she said those Coke-days were behind her and she totally stopped doing that.

Her dressing: my God, full of Dior, Channel handbags, Valentino shoes.....all designer labels.

When I heard her talk she had an appartment in a very popular sea-resort, a house there, a house there etc etc.

I told her I make a good living, but I used to spent a lot as well and I just didn't have any of those and I was actually just a normal guy.

I was scared not being able to live up to her standards and expectations.

But she assured me she had enough of that and that it was just a fake world.

I end up meeting her kids and when they went to bed she hugged me so long and cried. She thanked me for being so good to her children.

I never thought I would start something with a girls who had already 2 children but when you meet someone who has the full package it didn't even matter.

We were so happy together and the first 6-7 months were pure gold. We loved each other and we had so much fun.

Never before I came even close to getting married but after 6 months I started preparations to buy her an engagement ring.

Then the crap started...

So many things happened but let's try to write them down a bit chronologically.

1) I really want to be a father and although she soon confirmed me she wanted one more kid with me this sometimes changed completely and eventually became something that was always postponed. First she wanted to get married, then she wanted to move to a bigger house, then I had to make sure I didn't travel anymore, then we could think about it.

2) She told me that range rover costed her too much and she was planning on selling it. Eventually she sold it to.....her ex. And the day she drove there to hand it to him....she returned with his car. She said she got it as a gift because she was so depressed about having to sell her range rover. The thing was both of them kept driving with the same license plate. Now, it's the owner of the license plate who gets the tax-invoices and insurances, so what's the use of switching cars if you don't deregister the plate. It means if she really was the owner of the car she would still receive all the bills or he would have to take care of paying her bills etc....but then there's still the liability. My guess is both of the cars where registered under 1 of his companies and he just forced her to give the car back and maybe out of sympathy gave her his other car so she could still drive his kids around safely.

3) She hadn't worked for a year (probably she still got lots of money from her ex to spend on the kids) and was now working for a Gin-company, as a brand ambassador. Meaning, she's a representative and tries to sell to supermarkets and pubs, hotels etc. She told me she earned 2100 € and got a payrase of 800 € within a year. So 2900 € after taxes!!! I was like ‘how does she do that? I worked my ass off internationally for 7 years and I barely make more. But hey good for her’. She had a company van and I had a company car. So the car she got from her ex was barely used. So I proposed her to sell it, why not, it was only devaluating. She agreed and sold it. 1 month later it was still in the street with the license plates on. So after I asked her a couple of times 'is it sold? And if so, why don't they pick it up? A cardealer who buys a car wants to sell it asap, right'. It then disappeared and a week later I saw it on the parking with her ex. Then it disappeared there as well. So I just kept my mouth shut about it. It was all a bit strange but not to awake sleeping dogs I didn't mention it anymore.

4) Her ex called her to go for lunch and discuss something about the kids. She calls me in panic, he gave her these papers showing the 7 companies of his she was in the board of were bankrupt and she had to sign those papers. That because of this she lost a lot of money and it was just a trick of him. Let's be honest, she didn't even know what these companies were doing but she was in the board (done by her ex) for some fiscal reasons. Now because they divorced and it was in fact his money he made a financial construction with his lawyers which placed her checkmate. She felt like he stole the value of these companies from her but in my opinion she was never even entitled to that money.

5) By now, I just ordered a 13.500 € engagement ring. I was/am planning on only getting married once so I wanted to go big. Suddenly I receive a text message from her: 'Now I know how you are, I never want to see you anymore. Somebody came to my house to warn me about you and I don't want you anymore'' I was at my work and was totally freaking out. Trying to call her a million times, she always hung up. Now, everybody has a past and I did some stuff I'm not proud of as well in the past, but since I was with her I was a choir boy, did absolutely nothing out of line. No other girls, no lying, no boys-nights,....nothing, I was home as much as I could and treated her children as if they were mine, with love and care and giving them gifts and all she could wish for. So honestly, I couldn't imagine what this was about. She finally picked up and she told me one of my best friends went to het house and told her I'm only there to take advantage of her financially and I used to do 'strange things' with my company. She first wouldn't say the name of the guy but after a couple of days told me his name and I actually never ever even heard of this guy. So how could he be my best friend, tell crap about me and tell things I did with my company. By the way, I never ever did 'strange things' there, it was just a very normal limited.

Anyway, I begged her on my knees not to kick me out. And she didn't but was mad with me for weeks. I still don't know why because I didn't do anything wrong.

6) As I moved in with her I agreed on paying half of the utility bills. Every couple of months I paid for the previous months. Sometimes I forgot (just by accident) and then she was mad at me and I had to rush to the bank to get cash and pay her. I also paid the majority of the groceries (also for the kids). We went out for dinner a lot and I paid the full bill like in 70% of the cases (also if the kids joined us) (this made her kiss me and say thank you), we split the bill 25% of the times (which mostly ended up in her being kinda angry the rest of the night) and she paid 5% of the times (which meant I had to worship her for the rest of the night). We went on citytrips a lot and mostly I paid...I remember a weekend London which costed me 2500 €. When we were there she paid also for another restaurant but it was not with full pleasure or she kinda blamed me it was expensive while she even picked the restaurant. Which made me feel guilty ending up in paying for all the drinks and stuff afterwards (which was freaking expensive too). Because I collected a lot of hotel loyalty points and airmiles due to my business trips I spent it on a trip to Mauritius for the both of us. So I was trying to spoil her as much as I could but I felt like it was never enough. But I couldn't give her more. I make good money but I wasn't even able to save some. Now, I have to be honest, I spent quite some on new rifles and hunting as well. But then again, it was my money.

7) We go to Mauritius, have a blast, go back home and are invited with friends. The friends ask if I didn't propose to her on that Paradise? She starts to cry and says I didn't. I have to give her some details that I'm working on it to save the night. That spoiled the surprise for later. That same night she makes a huge fight (I honestly can't even remember why), kicks me, hits me and takes a bunch of my clothes and literally throws them out of the window. I'm able to calm her down, pick up the clothes from the street and we make up.

8) I propose to her on her birthday in style. I give her a tandem parachute jump and while she falls from the sky I open a huge banner I made 'marry me'. When she's down her parents are there, I'm there with the ring. There's a professional photographer I hired. Everybody cries and we're engaged. It was epic! She doesn’t post anything of this on facebook and doesn’t allow the tags I made on mine. The only thing she posts is the parachute jump, not the proposal. My father is over the moon and gives her a 2000 € fur coat that I actually ordered for her birthday but due to the proposal I was planning on giving later. My father just gave it as an engagement gift.

9) Rumour goes around some guy is spreading the word he has sex with her her all the time while I'm at work and he was with her every day when I was in Siberia for 2 weeks, that was in the very beginning of our relationship. I confront her with those rumours and she says it's just a guy who was hitting on her and asked her out for dinner but she never agreed on that. OK, that was fine. I believed her. Especially because a lot of my hunting friends knew this rumour but never saw proof so didn't inform me and this guy was known for lying about just anything. The rumours continued and I asked her again 'did you ever had anything with him'. No no no, never. So, I finally get the mobile number of this guy and ring him to tell him he has to stop telling lies. He tells me he's not and he can talk about the truth of the past. I just hang up. She gets home, I tell her what he said and ask her again. She starts crying and admits she once had sex with him in the toilets (stylish) on some hunting gala, that he couldn't get it up and not actually penetrated her. But that that was before she met me so she didn't cheat on me. I'm furious. She just lied plenty of times in my face. I don't say she cheated on me but I asked her many times 'did you ever have anything with this guy' and every single time she denied. And people, I don't care how many guys she had before, and I knew about quite some. One more won't make a difference. So I go crazy and start to yell 'the engagement's off' and I take of for a ride too cool down and she's crying and begging not to leave but I need to cool down. About an hour and a half later I return, cooled down, and half of the house is empty...all my stuff, clothes, pans, rifles,.....is all in the garage. She threw everything out. I'm freaking out again and beg her on my knees again to take me back in. Yes, she turned the tables again. Instead of her apologizing for lying it is me begging. And I didn't do anything. Well, except for yelling the engagement was off. I didn't mean that of course, it was in the heat of the moment and I was really angry she lied. But 1,5 hours later I was there, ready to forgive her and what had she done on the meantime. She forced me to go to sleep at my own place, started to text me in the middle of the night. We both couldn't sleep. She asked me to come over, which I did and we hugged again and all was good again.

10) A few times in the next coming months she's grumpy and quite every single time when I ask her what's wrong she says 'I want to leave you, because I can' forget how you accused me of cheating on you. every single time I have to explain I didn't accuse her of cheating but I was just angry she lied to me. Or at least we misunderstood each other. Maybe she understood I asked her if she had anything with this guy while she was with me. While I meant just anytime. This is probably just crap, let's be honest. There's no way she could have misunderstood. And there's no way she should have tried to hide things from the past. As I didn't really care much about that. It was the presents that counts. Every time she has an episode like that I can calm her down and mostly there's very passionate sex afterwards. No complaints there.

11) We book a holiday to South-Africa. I pay everything upfront. Tickets, hotels, rental car, everything. She asks if I'm ok with her not paying her half but just writing it down like a payment upfront for the utility bills. Every bill she will deduct from that amount. I'm cool with that.

12) She told me she had this very expensive Mercedes jeep. But some parts were broken and the garage can't find spare parts. I have a friend who works in a Mercedes garage so I ask her if she wants me to check with him. Because that car is in the garage for a year now. That wasn't necessary because they just found the spare parts. Well, what a coincidence. For over a year I had asked can I just see it once? I never saw it. Then it got fixed and she sold it, all in 1 week.

13) We were looking for a house. I told you: no house, no kid for me. She always said she had about 350.000 € in cash on a blocked account that was there to spend on a house. That's more money than most people will ever have on their accounts. ANd she was only 34. She also said she was discussing with lawyers about the payments her ex still had to make her paying her part of the house. He was now paying monthly but she wanted the remainder of the amount at once. She said it was also about 300.000 €. That's 650.000 € at age 34. I am 38 and I have my appartment which is not paid off yet and that's worth about 200.000 € and some savings and some things I could sell. Let's say I would have around 160.000 € in cash if I would sell everything and after the last installments are paid off. I felt like a loser compared to her although I make more money now. But.....I never ever saw any of those accounts or proof that money was there. I'm not saying this is the first thing you do as a couple but if you're planning on buying a house it sounds normal to me just to sit down and look at each other's financial situation.

14) Her ex gets a new girlfriend and she moves in with him. She's totally pissed off. She's yelling now the new girl sleeps in her house and in her bed. I'm trying to calm her down and tell her 'listen, it isn't your house anymore, not your bed anymore. Just try to be happy with what you have. Look at all we can do, citytrips, nice travels, we're healthy, the kids love us.’ It barely helps.

15) Late 2016 my CEO asks me to come to the HQ. They acquired a new company and wanted me to start up the sales in other business sectors and they needed a ‘hunter’. Nice opportunity because if the business grows it’s logic the initiators grow along. I started highly motivated but the product turned out to be crap. Probably management realised as well by now because they stopped investing in it and didn’t want to improve. Bottom line, the product isn’t succesful at all, we never get into 2nd round of tenders, I never travel anymore for my job, my commission is 0. Needless to say, I was unhappy at work. But still I had a very decent fixed salary. And no more travel means I’m home every day and take care of the kids, help in the house etc. Remember she stated she only wanted a kid if I would be home more often. This statement didn’t make any sense at this moment. Anyway, I risk getting a bore-out and change my job early 2018 after I worked 7 years in the previous. The new company offers me a very nice salary, so we’re both happy and I start highly motivated. It took me only 3 days before I realized….damn, this is not gonna work. Let’s say they presented the market, situation, company completely different than the reality. They made promises they didn’t keep. They said I was going to be the first ever in that position only to discover another high profile worked in the same position 2 years ago and was fired. These guys are unprepared and just hired an experienced guy and think he’s the messiah and will make everything work. Well, no, that’s not how it works. I’m not a quitter at all but you have to be realistic. This wasn’t going to work and I started already looking for another job. I still am. I was a bit sad in January, panicking a bit ‘damn, what have I done??’ and she honestly supported me well in those days. Cooking extra nice for me. Telling me everything would be fine. That’s the support I needed.

16) She has another grumpy evening in a restaurant and barely says anything to me. When we arrive home she says 'she doesn't really want me anymore because........I DON'T SPEND ENOUGH MONEY ON HER' My God, she had kicked me and hit me before, but this hurted 100 times more. ? The same night she says: I ever I would not be able to provide for her anymore she would leave me. I thought in a marriage it’s for bette rand for worse??? Right? As I said, I make a good living but you never know what might happen. When the hits the fence, it could hit the fence hard. At that moment you want somebody to support you, not someone who stabs you even harder in the back. So this statements didn’t stop running through my head. As always, she calms down again and we make out…but I can’t forget what she said. Since long now I know money is sooooo important for her but this is the confirmation I didn’t want to hear.

17) The gin-company is for sale. They ask her if she wants to buy it. She has this drive to be the boss of a company, so instantly she’s interested. She has acoountants look at the financial picture ans the conclusion is it’s better not to that, so nothing happens.

18) Final day: Sunday 11th of February. 5 days before or highly anticipated holiday to South-Africa. It's the birthday party of her 6 year old daughter. I take her daughter to the swimming pool in the morning together with her brother-in-law and his 2 eldest kids. The kids use us as toys and we have a blast. Great morning. In the afternoon there's the kids party and her parents, her sister and brother-in-law and their kids, my parents and my sister with her kids are there. She’s always very nervous for these things as she wants everything to be perfect. The day goes well and I help as much as I can, make sure the kids don’t kill each other, giving everyone drinks, cleaning up the table after we had cake,… She’s very nervous and commands me in a certain way to do certain things (my parents and my sister told me afterwards it was really army-style how she ‘asked’ me to do things, it was really commanding). On the other hand, when standing next to her she grabs my hand and slides it under her skirt when nobody sees only to find out she’s not wearing any underwear. 😊 When last people left the house is a mess and everybody is tired. She asks me if I could clean up upstairs and make sure the kids put on their pyjamas and she’ll clean up downstairs. I do so. When the toys are cleaned up I go to the children’s bedroom and see the daughter had her pyjamas on already, put all her stuffed animals in a row and folded her clothes while the son hadn’t done anything yet so I ask him to hurry up as he heard his mom. The daughter hugs me and says she had the best birthday ever and thanks me fort he gift I gave (a Liu Jo dress). After I helped the daughter brush her teeth she goes back into the bedroom and starts to cry. The son had thrown all the stuffed animals around. Is this a disaster? Of course not, that’s what kids do. But I said: come on man, why did you that ? He starts to defend himself that it wasn’t him. He was alone in the room, the stuffed animals are not gonna jump from the bed themselves, right ? So I say (say, not yell) I don’t like him to lie in my face. All hell brakes loose. He starts to yell that I’m insulting (???) him. No, before you think I didn’t have a good relation with this kid….last few months he’s the one who initiates cuddling in the sofa, who gets into bed next to me in the morning. It’s like he really started to see me as the man in the house. So, he’s yelling I’m insulting him. His mom comes upstairs and asks what’s going on. I tell her what happened. Still, the boy says it wasn’t him. Now, I know the children-mother relation is a bond that can never be broken but still, in my opinion it’s the role of parents to teach their children what is right and wrong. To educate them. So I actually expected her to just say: look son, lying is not ok, go to bed. He would have been angry for 5 or 10 minutes and then it would have been over but at least he would have learned that lying is not ok. All of a sudden my fiancee turns around and screams I will not call her children liars and just starts to kick me, hit me in the face, scratch me, pulls my shirt so the buttons break….in front of the children who look in anger. She continues shouting and hitting and I just go downstairs and start to do the dishes…stupid me. She comes down a bit later still shouting what the hell I’m still doing there and that I need to gow away, that she wants her keys back. I try to calm her down, which I succeeded in all the previous times but then the children were not around. Now, the kids come down as well and look at the spectacle from the other side of the living room. She keeps yelling and kicking. I would never hit anyone so I just let me be hit and try to calm her down. She throws her engagement ring to my head, what a respect. I pick it up and put it in my pocket. The daughter starts crying and yells to give mommy her keys back. Oh God, now it’s a real drama. I don’t want to upset the kids so I decide to take my toileteries and some clothes and leave to go to my appartment which is closeby. I’m still upset about what the hell just happened and start to change the bedsheets as I haven’t lived there for 1,5 years. Fortunitely the utilities are still on and all the furniture is still there. I get a call from the couple who was going to join us the first week to South-Africa. They ask what is going on as they got a message from my fiancee that I completely crossed the line and yelled and screamed at her son (not true, I said it in a calm voice) and insulted him (??, I just said I don’t like him to lie). And that she has enough of me, breaks up with me and won’t join to South-Africa. Apparently she instantly put a message on facebook that she’s single again and that it’s over and out. I can’t see this because she already blocked me. We’re talking about 2 hours max after the drama scene. Is facebook really your first priority ?? These people immediately tell me to come over so I decide to drive to them. I have a missed call from her. I listen to the voicemail which is full of insults like etc, threatening she’ll call the police if I show up again, telling me her father is furious and will hit me if he sees me again and that she threw all my clothes out. Now, remember she did once threw some on the street so I’m a bit afraid she did it again. I drive to my friends but on the way I stop at her house to check the street. There’s nothing, fortunately. I check the garage and Jezus…..ALL my stuff is there, every single thing. All stuffed in garbage bags, all thrown on each other. Bags that broke when she dragged them through the garden in the mud. So half oft he clothes are muddy. Pans, pots, clothes, hunting trophies, pictures, laptops, everything is there! How did she even do that in such a short time ??? I decide to stuff as much as I can in the car. When the car is filled to the roof I only have half the things with me. I’m too flabbergasted to even cry.

19) I arrive at the friends’ house and tell them everything as described above. Everything from the beginning. Their conclusion is made quickly: she’s a golddigger first class and don’t be stupid and go back to her, she’ll destroy you eventually. They tell me some stories she told them a couple of times and every time things changed. My parents and sister will later say the same thing. Did she lie about most of those stories? Making things up? Forgetting them so she tells the stories differently the next time? Those people say when I talk about the amazing salary she got that she told them differently, that she only made 1900 € and that she had troubles making ends meet and to pay for the rent. The rent? She told me it was her property…then it would be the mortgage, right?? They comfort me and try to convince me not to take her back if she wants me. And that I should definitely go with them to S-Afr. I arrive back home, put all the garbage bags in my garage and the sight depresses me like crazy. I can’t sleep, my mind is going crazy.

20) The day after she texts me that all is my fault, and that I should realize that. That I’m an AH and she wants her keys back. In the evening I go to pick up the rest of my stuff in her garage. Only some larger parts like my bike I leave there for later. She texts me a picture of her calculations how much I still owe her. All the airplane tickets, rental car, hotels are disappeared which make it seem like I still owe her 1600 €. But that was not the agreement.

21) Tuesday she texts me why I didn’t come back on Sunday night. What ? Because you said your father was going to kill me and you were gonna call the cops. But given the previous episodes that was probably what she expected me to do….crawling back and aplogize for something I didn’t do.

22) Wednesday : she texts me she’s sorry for everything. The moment I text back ‘do you realize what you’ve done ?’ she boomerangs it back in my face ‘and what about you’. But when I ask what, she has no answer.

23) Thursday : she crashes. She misses me like crazy and wants to see me. She begs me to go for dinner. She’s like a beaten dog. Everything I say about all the things above she says I’m right and she wants to make up for it. She’s very sorry. I tell her she can still join to S-Afr…although it would be pretty awkward with the friends joining us and knowing the whole story. She tells it’s better not and it will be good for me to be alone tot hink things over. She seems sincere. When we say goodbye she hugs me for 10 minutes.

24) Friday. Tonight I’ll depart for SA. I had so much trouble to find the clothes I wanted to take in that garbage bag mess, wash them, iron them and pack them. But I succeeded and all is ready. Bags, rifle, ammunition. All. I still have half a day work and then I’ll leave. 5 minutes before I leave my boss calls me in. Are you looking forward tot he trip? Yeah, sure. No, I didn’t tell anyone at work so they all still think I’m leaving with my fiancee. Then he says he has another thing. They’re not happy with my performance and feel I’m spending too much time with private stuff. I told you I immediately knew this wasn’t gonna work here, so I must say I was indeed not highly motivated anymore. But other than that of course I was texting with her that week, of course I was texting with my sister, with some good friends, people calling me….yes, it’s true I wasnt really focussing on the work. But I suppose this was normal in the situation I was in. Anyway, my boss didn’t know all that and I didn’t feel like telling him and I just swallowed everything he said. Damn, I felt like ‚shoot me know, end all this now‘. I called her when I drove home and started crying. I broke. She jumped in her car and drove to my place. I was really depressed and couldn’t stop crying, what the hell was going on in my life. All went to hell in 5 days time. She comforted me but then took advantage oft he situation again. ‚Maybe it’s better if you don’t go to SA yourself. Stay here and focus on your work and on me.‘ But all is ready, all is paid and can’t be reimbursed and you told me to go yesterday. She said: If you go, maybe that’s a sign you don’t love me enough. What the F ? Playing mindgames, are you ? I mean she threw me out, treated me like crap and from the moment she saw an opportunity to take the upperhand of the situation again she grabbed it. Her words were not sincere….I feel like she didn’t want me to go just because she realized she couldn’t go. Nevertheless, I invited her one more time to join. Everything was ready : tickets, hotels,….all. She didn’t. When I left to the airport I switched my phone off for a few hours to think. When I put it back on itw as full of voicemails and texts urging me to give a sign of life as she thought I’d killed myself with my rifles. When she realized I was at the airport she texted me ‘oh, so you’re really going …’

25) I had a nightflight, couldn’t sleep at all and felt miserable. In stead of my fiancee joining me on a romantic trip I had this old guy next to me. I was depressed as hell when I met my friends in Johannesburg. They comforted me and we continued tot he lodge for our first week which was going to be a hunting week. We were the only clients at the lodge that week and so we had plenty of time to chat with the owners and the professional hunters. My friends were with me every day and the hunting was phenomenal. So although I felt very lonely at times most of the times I was surrounded by people giving not too much time to think. She texted me every day and after a few days asked me for pictures. She said she cried a lot and missed me. We discussed the things that happened and that she had hurt me a lot and she understood. It was like she read on the internet that she should say she understands my feelings because every answer started with ‘I understand’. After a few days, she texts me she’s gonna buy a car because I’m not there with my company car anymore and she doens’t want to drive around in the van she has from her company during the weekend. The next day she texts me she bought one. And guess what….she bought the old car from her ex back, the one she wasn’t driving in and sold to a cardealer that didn’t pick it up for a month. And even better, because the car dealer felt sorry for her he sold it at the price he bought it from her. So, this guy didn’t sell the car for 10 months and then sold it back for the same price. That can’t be, now can it???

26) 2nd week oft he trip now. I leave my friends and start a trip along the garden route to Capetown. I booked this and organized the whole thing from a romantic getaway point of view. So I’m stuck in the most romantic middle-of-nowhere hotels ever. Every national park I come along I stop and hike the longest and most difficult trail available just to get myself as tired as possible. Because every single night it’s dinner for one and I’m surrounded by touching and kissing couples. I want to shoot myself. She keeps texting me she misses me.

27) Final days I spend in Capetown and suddenly, through text, she explodes again. That I’m egocentric, texting her I’m so alone on this romantic trip. And that she’s alone as well. She has this power and talent to make feel guilty instantly. Was I really egocentric. I mean, sure she was probably lonely too. But I wasn’t the one who kicked her out, right? I wanted her tob e there with me…

28) I’m back home and she wants to see me. I go….I see the car…..and it still has the same license plate it used to have. In my country you can only keep a license plate for max 4 months if you deregister your car. Within 4 months you either register it with a new car or send it back to the authorities. This was 10 months. So I knew, like I always had, that car story was rubbish. She let me in…and she was the beaten dog again. She didn’t even dare to look me in the eyes. Every single thing I said she felt I was right about that. She said she had punished her son for lying. She said she realized what she did was really abnormal, that she never did this before and she would never do it again and she would seek help by going to a psychiatrist to talk about it and see what the problem was. Ok, this was a good evolution. Eventually I started about that car, that she should come clean with me now. Immediately she became arrogant again. Why was I always asking her questions about that ca rand about her bank accounts, was it the only things I was interested in. Well, a liar who gets exposed becomes agressive, that’s one of the signs. So I knew she was lying. She had been open all evening but about this she became agressive. I was fed up with it and just left. I gave her multiple opportunities to tell the truth and she grabbed none of them. And why ? I could understand someone tries to lie about cheating but a car ??? So what if it’s a car registered on her ex’s company and she can drive around in it for free. Good for her, I wouldn’t be mad for that. It’s the father of her kids and he was married almost 10 years to her, so it’s normal she still gets something from him. I don’t mind, just don’t lie about it. I ask her if she puts all her money on a blocked savings account and she can hardly pay the bills and she can’t pay for her plane tickets how she was able to buy a car. She said she saved the money from when she sold the car and put it on a seperate account. Sure, so why didn’t you use that money then to pay for plane tickets etc… I confront her with the fact she lied about her salary. She admits she makes 1900 € but with the extras she gets from her ex it adds up to 2900 €. Yeah….still very suspicious to me and whatever, she clearly talked about salary when she disclosed with me, not the extras from the ex. When I leave she cries and begs me to stay….but I’m so fed up with the lies. I know what’s gonna happen. She will allure me in staying over, we’ll have great sex and we’ll not speak about the car or the mysterious bank accounts and the houses for 2 months….like all the times before.

29) The week passes by and we see each other every 2 days. Thrown around between feelings of ‘I shouldn’t see her anymore like my friends said’ and ‘I miss her, I hope a miracle will happen and she’ll be as sweet again as in the beginning of our relation’. On Saturday I break and in the middle of the night I drive over to her place and we sleep together. It feels so safe…

30) On Sunday morning I felt so miserable (also because of this mess with my work) and alone and messed up I went to my local pub around noon and had way too many beers. I ate at home and slept a bit until I was sober and took my car to go see her because she asked if I wanted to go bowling with the kids. On my way, police stops me because they see me texting, make me do an alcohol test and, no, I’m still over the maximum. They take my license for 6 hours (I didn’t have crap enough yet). It’s my fault, I know. She comes to pick me up. The daughter just runs to me, hugs me, kisses me and doesn’t leave me out of her sight. God I missed them. The boy is a little ashamed and his sister even teases him a bit ‘he’s ashamed because he knows now he can’t lie’. We sleep together again. I have to promise her daughter to come aver sleeping again this week.

31) The day after my sister texts me my parents know. I hadn’t informed them yet but they felt something was wrong and forced my sister to tell them what she knows. My father is furious and says his son won’t be hit in the face and won’t be kicked out in the street. I text her my parents know and she kinda panics. I can tell by the difference in her texts. She’s much more defensive as she probably knows if she ever sees them again she’s gonna be confronted again with the things she did.

32) She texts me she still thinks about buying the gin company and had a long chat about it with a befriended wine dealer who had a look at the numbers and still thinks it’s a good deal.

33) The rest of the week she stays in contact. I see her again. The discussions we have are the same things. That the things she did were crazy. That she realizes and she already had 2 sessions at the psychiater now, that the first analysis is she’s to perfectionistic and she should let things go more often. If she feels she’s going to explode that she should count till 10. She had some tests she had to do and they will analyse them and next week she would have the results and she would know why she behaved like this to me. She asks me to come over for an aperitive on Friday evening but I can’t, my best friends who know what happened want to support me and take me out for dinner. She asks if I want to go for a walk on Sunday.

34) On Saturday morning she still texts me with pictures of the kids and says she needs to go to a kids birthday party. All afternoon she keeps quiet, her phone’s switched off. About 5 hours later she texts me again with a picture of my office ‘look, I’m passing your office’. She claims she switched off her phone because it’s weekend and all moms were staying at the birthday party. My sister, a mom of 2 herself doesn’t believe a word of it, she says moms are happy to drop off their kids for the afternoon and have some me-time. Besides, her kids have different ages, strange both of the kids had to go tot he same birthday party.

35) Communication changes drastically. She stays silent for hours and hours. She suddenly has no more time for a walk on Sunday. She is very rude to me and thinks we should take some distance because I said she was a crazy …This continues since then. You don’t need to be a genius to feel something changed. She even text me that I knocked her unconscious and strangled her once ! What the hell??? We used to have good sex and sometimes a bit on the rough side. Once I slapped her on her cheek (like you would do on her ass), not hard. And my hand was on her troath another time in the heat of the moment. Not hard either. She didn’t like it. Fair enough, I’m sorry, I won’t do it again. But that’s not strangling and that certainly isn’t knocking someone unconscious. I would have to punch her for that with quite some force. That’s just cray, I would never do that.

36) The Monday after that my sister sends me a printscreen of a facebookaccount where a guy proudly sits with my ex-fiancee ‘in a relation’. One of my sister’s friends saw it. Her acoount shows not a single thing. She blocked me but others can see. It’s like a dagger in my heart. One of the comments on the statu sis ‘finally official’. , how long has this thing been going on. This guy is a wine-dealer, aha, now we know who it was she went to get advize from to buy the company. He lives very close to my work. Now we know where she was at that so-called birthday party, why she put her phone off and why she took a picture of my office. He’s of course very rich. That he also has 2 children suddenly doesn’t seem to bother her, whereas she wasn’t sure to get one with me because she already had 2. That he’s not a looker and looks 10 year older than me, although he’s only few months older, doesn’t seem to bother her either.

37) I know this since 2 weeks and I only saw her once since. I went to get my last stuff back. She was at first reluctant because she wanted to get the money from the utilities bills from me but I said I paid for her plane tickets. She let me take the stuff anyway. She doesn’t know I know about her new relation. I asked her to please respect me and stop lying to me, I had the tears in my eyes. She claimed she had never ever lied to me. Jezus, she can’t stop, can she? So it just took my stuff and took off. Also she claims she doesn't have to go to the psychiater anymore because the results of her tests were in and she's perfectly normal. Her behaviour was due to external factors. What, I have to believe a psychiater says: you hit him and kicked him but it's normal, don't worry, it's just because of how he was. Did she even go at all? Wouldn't be the first lie.

38) She texted me she was happy because she acquired something. When asking ‘did you buy the gin-thing?’ she replied she can’t say anything yet because it first has to pass the notary.

39) She blocked me on her private phone but keeps texting me with her work phone. Probably before and after they meet. Because she texts good night at 7:45 PM (???!!!) foe example. She goes to bed early but not thar early. I know this guy has been sleeping over, in the bed I used to sleep in. In the bed I still slept 2 weeks before. I was engaged to her 7 weeks before she officially had a new relation on Facebook. She says she had the kids over and went tot he fair and stuff with them last weekend. But her 2 cars didn’t move an inch the entire weekend. Yeah, I went looking. I know, I shouldn’t. So she spent a weekend with him somewhere.

She texted me she will have to go to Thailand for her job. What ? Why? Yeah, she claims she sold a pallet to a hotel group in Thailand and she has to make sure the delivery goes well. It’s early may and she will stay over for 10 days in Phuket. That’s insulting my intelligence. Now, you don’t just sell 1 pallet to a hotel group, just to try. They have strict selection procedures and if they decide to buy it’s plenty of pallets at a highly discounted rate and they’ll distribute from the HQ to the hotels themselves. So, if any of this would be true she would have to go to Bangkok, not Phuket. So probably she just allured this guy in buying her a nice holiday as her miserable ex-boyfriend (does he even know she was engaged to me until just several weeks ago) was a stingy no-good . That poor girl, he even went to South-Africa alone and stole her holiday. My 2 cents as well, she allured him into buying that gin-thing together with her, or even all by himself and make her CEO.

She keeps on texting me know with Goodnight and stuff. Probably when he’s not around. If I don’t reply instantly she texts me ‘oh, ok, I know what this means, probably you’re seeing someone, I’m not stupid’. Jezus, she even reflects her own actions to me.

I’m thrown between feelings as ‘that , just block her from an channel possible’ and feelings like ‘no, now she spends time with him and I want it to be me’.

I know she’s not good for me and I should move on. I just can’t stand the thought she’s lucky now. She’s gonna her utmost for a rich guy and he’ll be so compasionnate for her. Because that poor girl hadn’t had luck her entire life. She ’s really good at playing the victim role. And I can’t stand it she’s such a liar but gets gifts again. I want her to suffer as well…. And I don’t know this guy. Maybe he’s a good guy. Maybe he honestly believes her bull she’ll tell about me and her past.

I think she might have really liked my character and how I was for her kids but the call for money was stronger in the end. The more her ex took from her, the bigger the gap became and I couldn’t fill it. She missed me and wanted to spend time with me but the day the opportunity for a rich guy came she grabbed i tand dumped me (again) like a garbage bag.

I feel I need to tell someone of her family. What did she tell them. Not that she went crazy and hit me. Probably all kind of bad stuff about me which made her actions defendable and made me look like the bad guy. I have lots of whatsapp print screens where she admits the things she did, all the above. I can easily proof what I wrote. Should I send it to her bother-in-law? He was a good and normal guy, not the money chaser type. I don’t want him to tell the family. I don’t want everyone fighting. I just want one member of the family to know what happened for real. I want hi mto know whe didn’t treat me right. But should I? Or should I go talk with her parents who I got along with very well ? Maybe not. Maybe I should just move on.

But the thing is if I do that, she’ll win again. Everybody will think I’m the bad guy and she’ll be spoilt with this other guy’s money. And I just feel so damn angry about that. It’s not righteous.

Every day I feel less sad. But I hate it to know she’s not sad about losing me. New guy, new money and I’m just as fast forgotten. Every day, when I drive home I see this guy’s house and his big car. I hate it I’m gonna have to hit the dating scene again. I don’t want to spend all that time dating girls who won’t live up to my expectations. Will I ever meet a girl again who’s just sweet to me? I try to be a good guy and I still wonder why this happened. I was a good guy to her…

Now, I even start to wonder if I was? What’s your conclusion? Is she the ruthless golddigger and am I not to blame? Or did I do something wrong here? I hope not the latter, it will only make me feel worse.

I’m sorry once again for the long text but I just started writing and kept on writing and kept on writing. And I felt all the details were important.

Thank you in advance for all the advice you can give me. Much appreciated.

I read up to 18, couldn't make it till the end but I got the gist. Dude, I am all about stunning girls with whom you have things in common but everything has a limit. Basically, she dictates the rules and you cave in knowing that you are making a mistake. She used to be with this filthy rich guy, did you expect that she would change her lifestyle/character for "love"? You seem a smart person but you are being the doormat here.

Hi Dias,

I know, you're right. Like I said, the writing down was more therapeutical. I was a doormat... and from what I saw her ex husband was an even bigger doormat. He coped with her for 12 years. I don't know if she has always been like this but if so, this guy deserves a statue. She's a trophy bird....and men tend to be more flexible with those. Like women tend to be more flexible with rich guys. If you would read 36 you would know how it ended....another filthy rich guy. Let's see how long it takes before he sees how she is. The funny thing is, this guy has an idiom posted on his Facebook that says: Some liars are some refined that they can make themselves look like the victim. Seems he already had one like her. I actually feel kind of sorry for the guy. I even would like to have a word with her ex and hear what really happened there....

I could not read all of this.. but i get it.

SHE is not stable.

YOU gave in way too much.. to TRY & please her. You can't! No one can.

Not sure your age.. but let this be a BIG lesson for you.. to learn of all the red flags and when to Back Off and take

a better look.

She was coniving & unstable.

You dont owe her anything! Except your time & a little effort.

That is how it shoulda been for a while.. and NO expected ring or pruposal for any 'normal' relationship!

Way over your head.. all of it! Geeze :/.

Get away... keep walking!

Well....your novel can be summarized in a very simple way - your little head below your waist did all the thinking and landed you in a psychotic, verbally and physically abusive mess. Regardless, the sex was hot, the face was pretty and you were willing to put up with anything.

Net result is you wasted a lot of time, money and effort on a psychopath. I'm not being derogatory. She literally is.

Count yourself incredibly lucky that you didn't actually end up married or you'd be schmuck #2 paying her alimony. Cut all contact, block her from everything, thank your guardian angels, lucky stars, whatever forces come around to save your azz and move on. Don't ever ever let her anywhere near yourself again. Also spend a whole lot of time learning from your mistakes and maybe in the future don't let your little head dictate your life quite so much. I mean great sex and attraction are important, but so is sanity.

Well....your novel can be summarized in a very simple way - your little head below your waist did all the thinking and landed you in a psychotic, verbally and physically abusive mess. Regardless, the sex was hot, the face was pretty and you were willing to put up with anything.

 

Net result is you wasted a lot of time, money and effort on a psychopath. I'm not being derogatory. She literally is.

 

Count yourself incredibly lucky that you didn't actually end up married or you'd be schmuck #2 paying her alimony. Cut all contact, block her from everything, thank your guardian angels, lucky stars, whatever forces come around to save your azz and move on. Don't ever ever let her anywhere near yourself again. Also spend a whole lot of time learning from your mistakes and maybe in the future don't let your little head dictate your life quite so much. I mean great sex and attraction are important, but so is sanity.

That's what I needed :-)

I just wanted to be sure I'm the sane one. Seems I am but my willy sucks the blood out of my brain.

Thanks for the to-the-point and accurate conclusion.

Her dressing: my God, full of Dior, Channel handbags, Valentino shoes.....all designer labels.

I read up to maybe 24. But I could have answered it one in one sentence.

You may love her, but she is a bonafide gold digger, and once she marries you, the party stops with her alimony.

Never trust someone like this as far as you can throw them. You will never be happy in the end. The signs on a gold-digger? Always concerned about labels. Range Rover, Dior. Not getting enough money spent on them. Endless dinners out.

From what I read, she sounds like either bipolar or borderline personality disordered.

I think you ought to extricate yourself as best you can from her.

From what I read, she sounds like either bipolar or borderline personality disordered.

 

I think you ought to extricate yourself as best you can from her.

She's not bipolar, just polarized by the money... Op, get the last of your ish from her (including the ring) and forget her number, address, and face.

I read most of it and ugh reminds me of some of the stuff my ex used to pull just without the money.

Look up borderline personality disorder. Research it and I think you'll find a lot of answers. There's a Reddit support forum called bpdlovedones you should check out as well, read some stories there and see if they sound familiar.

Dude you should be celebrating right now. Seriously. Once the clouds part you'll look back on this and realize that you dodged a bullet. Maybe even literally. This girl is a complete mess. And her looks aren't going to last forever. She'll end up miserable and alone.

Dude you should be celebrating right now. Seriously. Once the clouds part you'll look back on this and realize that you dodged a bullet. Maybe even literally. This girl is a complete mess. And her looks aren't going to last forever. She'll end up miserable and alone.

I do realize....if I didn't win the lottery I would never have been good enough for her. The crazy thing is she used to pull that sentence on me 'I'll never be good enough for you'. As I said she's very good at playing the victim role. And yes, that's what all my friends and family say: be Lucky you didn't get married or have a kid or bought a house together, you would have had 10 times as much trouble.

The only thing I wonder about....is she really borderline or is she just crazy for money. Was it the fact that my pile of money wasn't limitless that made her do crazy stuff or would she have done crazy stuff anyway? The first 6 months of our relation I guess she still had an income through her ex. It made far more relaxed, she was even spoiling me. When that moneystream stopped I took the blow.

Now the new guy is rich too, will she be the lovely caring doll forever just because of the money and he can't understand why her ex (me) let her go or will she eventually try to be dominant and rule his life too? What's your experience? I know everyone is different and every situation is different...but I just wonder.

If she mistreated me because she has a disorder...I should be happy I could walk out.

If she did it just because of the lack of money....I think it's harder for me to deal with it...

Why would it be harder for you to deal with it if it's about not getting enough money out of you?

I think it's some of both. She's not a stable person and she is also all about what she can get out of someone.

Why would it be harder for you to deal with it if it's about not getting enough money out of you?

 

I think it's some of both. She's not a stable person and she is also all about what she can get out of someone.

Because in the first scenario there's absolutely nothing I could do about it...regardless of who I am and how big my bank account is.

In the 2nd scenario, it is still not my fault but I would kinda feel like an unsuccessful loser.

I know I shouldn't think like that but it's just how I feel now.

I returned to the appartment I bought 15 years ago. I feel like I made no progress at all.

Like I missed the train of life...no kids yet, no loving wife and the bachelor appartment...

In the meantime there's no real progress in the job offerings either.

I have 7 years of international experience and I did very well...but nothing moves.

I'm starting to feel like a total failure. Everyone says I'm smart and good looking and succesful...but I feel the exact opposite now. Normally I'm the eternal optimistic type, always smiling. I know the day I'll be like that again comes closer by the day...but for now...I feel so bad. I feel like I lost her because I'm a loser, because I'm not the successful entrepreneur driving the big car and living in the big house...

Well, she just more or less admitted she 'maybe' has someone.

Wooow, not a lie....for once. Well, the 'maybe' part is a lie but anyway.

She texted me all is my fault cause I blamed her for 6 weeks.

That made her feel bad and she got real skinny and she had to move on.

Last words: the crazy B'atch is gone! (I called her a crazy b'atch because she hit and kicked me, and now she states I did this for 6 weeks in a row....not true)

So bottom line, she probably is just really crazy.

If I follow her logic thoughts she can kick me, hit me, throw my clothes out, expects me to come crawling back and not mention it ever again. If i do however, she feels bad I said that and can end everything and blame me for it.

I think the general conclusion is: She is a golddigger who expects others to pay for all she does but she can sure make it seem like she's the one making all the financial efforts, she might have borderline or some kind of personality disorder because whoever believes hitting and kicking is ok has a problem, she is super manipulative and can throw situations around in the blink of an eye which can make you look like the culprit instead of her. When finally I stopped crawling back and expected her to be honest she realized she would have to proof some stuff which would make her lies being exposed. She tried to allure me back into her web (which was working) and probably she would have tried to continue the relation and just try to seduce me so much I wouldn't have asked anymore about the stuff that bothered me to keep the peace. At that moment the new rich guy appeared, she saw an opportunity, grabbed it and dumped me instantly. Since that moment she's incredibly rude to me.

So I realize I might even say thank you to the new guy cause if he wouldn't have showed up, maybe I would have been so stupid to start again. Maybe, I don't know.

Only....damn that hurts to see the engagement, the 1,5 year relation, the plans for the future....it was all a lie. Just a possible scenario but when something easier showed up was thrown away like a diaper. And she can't even say thank you for ll you did for me....now, she just has to keep stabbing me.

Well, time to follow everyones advize and stop even have any contact with her.

Let's see in a year or 2 where she's then....

Her ex-h is wealthy, but they got divorced. Does that answer your question? Yes, she is a very pretty psycho and psychos don't change. There will never be a happily ever after for her. Unfortunately she is the type of person you shouldn't wish onto your own worst enemy. Sure, with the next dude she might keep the psycho under wraps for a little longer, maybe until he is fool enough to marry her, but sooner or later the psycho will come out. It always does. Do count your blessings and forget she exists. Don't even bother to look her up ever again.

I'd also suggest that you stop blaming her and start taking some serious responsibility for your own insanely poor choices and decisions. She showed you who she is. You proposed to a woman who physically attacked you. That right there should have been a wake up call for you to immediately dump her and walk away. You didn't. Better figure out why not. How low is your self respect that you will tolerate violence and physical abuse? Sane people do not act like her. What plans can you talk about or make with someone like that? Come on......

I'd also suggest that you stop blaming her and start taking some serious responsibility for your own insanely poor choices and decisions. She showed you who she is. You proposed to a woman who physically attacked you. That right there should have been a wake up call for you to immediately dump her and walk away. You didn't. Better figure out why not. How low is your self respect that you will tolerate violence and physical abuse? Sane people do not act like her. What plans can you talk about or make with someone like that? Come on......

Your ways of telling things is a bit unorthodox but it works for me...

Thank you for that, really, I mean it.

I've always been a very good advisor for other people dealing with relationship problems. Always spot on.

However, for my own relations, I'm the worst ever. It's like I do the opposite of the right/sane thing on purpose.

I had a girl once who broke my hand....did throw her out after that. But how much of an eye-opener do I need if I only realize after my hand gets broken???

Anyways, I'm a Mensa-member, so you can't say I'm stupid....but yeah I make poor choices sometimes.

Like anyone, in day-to-day things but especially in relationships.

I knew this was not OK.

And those abuses and big troubles only started after I ordered the ring. it was like I said 'well, you made your choice, now you have to continue with it'. Which is of course b'.

Lesson learnt I guess.

The good thing is that any girl who just treats me with respect and is sweet to me will by default be an improvement :-)

Her ex-h is wealthy, but they got divorced. Does that answer your question? Yes, she is a very pretty psycho and psychos don't change. There will never be a happily ever after for her. Unfortunately she is the type of person you shouldn't wish onto your own worst enemy. Sure, with the next dude she might keep the psycho under wraps for a little longer, maybe until he is fool enough to marry her, but sooner or later the psycho will come out. It always does. Do count your blessings and forget she exists. Don't even bother to look her up ever again.

Her Ex is wealthy indeed also he's a doormat, even worse than I was.

She told me he went out all the time and got home in the middle of the night most of the times while she was alone at home with the kid(s) waiting for him.

Either she lies or she proofs she'll keep herself low if only the money is good enough.

She also told he cheated on her while she was pregnant with her 2nd one and that was why they divorced. They tried to fix things but it didn't work.

They also had this very strange arrangement that the first 2 years (!!) of the divorce neither of the 2 could let the children meet new partners.

Because it was only 1 year in the agreement she said she paid him to have that agreement deleted so the kids could meet me.

How generous of me.

Now, I saw the ex plenty of times but never talked about that of course.

Now I'm curious. Maybe that agreement was there (if it ever really was) because he wanted it.

Maybe he wanted to protect the children from her crazy ass.

Maybe she even cheated on him...who knows? I only know what she told me and what she told her parents.

But what do the parents know? Like she will have told them the truth what happened now...

Yeah, for sure she will have told them 'I went crazy, kicked and hit hem, dragged his clothes through the mud and now replaced him with an ugly rich fellow, see you at next family dinner....

.....So you have a history of getting involved in abusive relationships and staying in them until something extreme and drastic happens or she dumps you..... Do you see how you might have some personal issues to address?

Being intelligent or a Mensa member has nothing to do with your capacity to deal with relationships and emotional health and balance.

One thing that struck out at me from your original post is that you didn't feel worthy of this beautiful woman who seemingly had so much. You felt beneath her, intimidated, but at the same time flattered that she pursued you. That's pretty breathtakingly insecure on your part. Do you see that? That alone will get you into a lot of trouble. A partner is not someone you should ever see as either above or beneath you, but at eye level - equal. It doesn't really matter if she is beautiful, or smart, or makes three times more than you, etc. If you are intimidated by those superficial things and don't feel like you have anything of value to bring, you will continue to repeat the cycle of getting involved with crazy. Forget Mensa, work on your self worth. Healthy relationships aren't about money. Life can bring about a lot of challenges, you may marry a millionaire and end up a pauper. Healthy marriages survive life's storms because the two people treat each other as partners and work as a team to deal with things. When you are intimidate that she has more or bothered that she has less, you are looking at your SO as your competition and that will never work.

.....So you have a history of getting involved in abusive relationships and staying in them until something extreme and drastic happens or she dumps you..... Do you see how you might have some personal issues to address?

 

Being intelligent or a Mensa member has nothing to do with your capacity to deal with relationships and emotional health and balance.

 

One thing that struck out at me from your original post is that you didn't feel worthy of this beautiful woman who seemingly had so much. You felt beneath her, intimidated, but at the same time flattered that she pursued you. That's pretty breathtakingly insecure on your part. Do you see that? That alone will get you into a lot of trouble. A partner is not someone you should ever see as either above or beneath you, but at eye level - equal. It doesn't really matter if she is beautiful, or smart, or makes three times more than you, etc. If you are intimidated by those superficial things and don't feel like you have anything of value to bring, you will continue to repeat the cycle of getting involved with crazy. Forget Mensa, work on your self worth. Healthy relationships aren't about money. Life can bring about a lot of challenges, you may marry a millionaire and end up a pauper. Healthy marriages survive life's storms because the two people treat each other as partners and work as a team to deal with things. When you are intimidate that she has more or bothered that she has less, you are looking at your SO as your competition and that will never work.

Hi DancingFool,

Again, I like the fact that you’re so straight forward. That’s the way I prefer and probably need.

If I ever come hunting whitetail in Texas we should meet and I’ll buy you a drink :-)

Well, let me say yes, I had one previous relation with abuse. Plenty others without.

It’s not that I always end up with this type of girls or because of negative self-image always end up with those.

On the contrary, I’m a Leo and a very typical one. I’m superhonest, the life of the party, but not always the most modest of the bunch. I’m genuinly proud of the career I made, although I’m not that happy where I work now, I make good money and the only reason why is because I’m worth it. I’m good at what I do. I’m proud I’m a good hunter. And I’m proud I’m a good guy. My linkedin profile has plenty of endorsements of customers and supervisors stating I’m the best sales guy ever and I have a good heart.

So, it’s not that I have a problem I feel beneath each and everyone.

But you’re right, I tend to put up with too much crap from the good looking girls. And you’re absolutely right I do feel a bit intimidated. Not all the time. I know I have enough qualities to be considered a keeper. The 2 abuse cases are actually very similar. 2 good looking girls, 2 first class golddiggers, 2 times they liked my character, 2 times they liked the call of money more than the emotional comfort. And 2 times I tried to hold on to what once was....instead of just cutting the crap and keep my dignity.

 

If she mistreated me because she has a disorder...I should be happy I could walk out.

If she did it just because of the lack of money....I think it's harder for me to deal with it...

Doesn't matter if it's mental or greed; she's broken.

I find sex is a huge motivator for people to stay with crazies for the great sex. Just keep in mind, they go balls out to over-compensate for her own shortcomings and to manipulate.

Were you with her for her amazing and generous personality? Yeah, no.

Doesn't matter if it's mental or greed; she's broken.

 

I find sex is a huge motivator for people to stay with crazies for the great sex. Just keep in mind, they go balls out to over-compensate for her own shortcomings and to manipulate.

 

Were you with her for her amazing and generous personality? Yeah, no.

It's amazing how the crazy ones turn out to be the best ones in the bedroom.

The only question is just: is it only your bedroom?

Did she have a great personality? Sometimes: yes

But is sometimes enough?: no

A personality should be a natural thing, something that's always there, not just every now and then

You need to focus on getting your career back on track. I find it difficult to believe a guy could be more worried about this crazy psycho than getting his financial act together! Stop contact with her and focus on finding work. You are much better off to gotten out of this and, you are relatively unscathed.

You need to focus on getting your career back on track. I find it difficult to believe a guy could be more worried about this crazy psycho than getting his financial act together! Stop contact with her and focus on finding work. You are much better off to gotten out of this and, you are relatively unscathed.

You're right.

I always found lots of joy in travelling the world for my job.

Since more than a year I'm stuck to my desk now....and I hate it.

I'm working on it.

If I find a job that brings me the same joy my moral will rocket skyhigh