How to decide if/when to close the distance?

I have been seriously thinking about and making plans towards closing the distance with my LD significant other. I would plan to move closer to him (from CO. to NY.) in Sept. of this year.

We would not jump right into living together, but instead just live in the same city and see how dating goes being able to see each other frequently.

I am mostly excited about the idea of moving, of course there are some fears, but overall I think it could be a great experience.

So the problem?

1) I have been getting a lot of comments/advice on my other posts on this LDR forum saying that I should not move and advising me to break up with him and date someone locally...

This is not something that I want to do. I want to be in this relationship and have really committed myself to make it work. Sure not being in a LDR would be the easier route, but I am. I am in this relationship whether I like the distance or not, so to me that is not a factor. I am not going to break up with him just because we live this far apart.

2) I worry that the distance will destroy us before I am able to get everything squared away and actually make the physical move out there.

What have others done to fully decide that a move is the best decision for your relationship?

How do you prepare for such a long move?

Advice for surviving the distance until the gap can be closed?

Or any other advice in general?

Please and thank you :)

LDR's do work out just fine for some people, so I won't advocate against it.

That said, how long have you two known each other? How much face to face time are you able to spend currently? Even with an LDR seeing each other regularly is kind of critical before you can make any serious life altering decisions in a realistic way. Don't move just because you are afraid you will lose him if you don't. If your relationship is that fragile....it's already dead in the water........

LDR success depends on a lot of factors. For example, how realistic and pragmatic you both are. How well you are able to communicate about real life stuff. For example if you treat each face to face meeting as some kind of magical vacation, closing the distance usually doesn't pan out as you will be seeing for the first time the real day to day person and the magic and thrill is not present. On the other hand, if you are both more down to earth and allow for those times to be more real and casual, you are probably going to have better success as you already have seen the day to day person and like each other as is. In other words, your relationship isn't just based on imagination and thrills.

If you are set on moving, then be sure that you have a job lined up, a place to live on your own, go out of your way to make your own friends there, develop your own life/hobbies, and do not lean on your SO to be your sole source of social support and entertainment. Treat it more like you are moving there as a single person for your own sake and the relationship is just a nice add on, but not your entire focus. Basically, if things don't pan out between you, you still like your job, like where you live, have friends, a life, hobbies and a support system around you. Your world won't collapse because you find out that you aren't compatible like you thought and end up breaking up.

Unfortunately you are over committed to some you spent time in person with 2x. Most people would not move unless an engagement and future were in place.

I am in this relationship whether I like the distance or not, so to me that is not a factor. I am not going to break up with him just because we live this far apart.

Why did people give you different advice on other threads? because you are focusing on a guy you only met twice in person instead of someone you formed an in person relationship who moved away and you are trying to keep things alive long distance. Also, if you want to move to distance yourself from family, you are using the guy as an excuse to do it.

Honestly, what i would do, is if you live with your parents or live really close by, i would interview in places that are a little farther away from your folks - i would not move 3/4 across the country on a whim unless you are HIGHLY established in your field and the city is where you would have to make an upward move where your company is based.

i *do* think its wise that you will get your own place and not live with them.

If he is in NYC i do think its foolish to think that you will automatically get a job that pays enough to support yourself right off. If its somewhere out in the suburbs, that's another thing.

BTW, he has no interest in moving closer to you?

When is the right time to move? When you both decide you want to take the relationship to the next level - that you aren't just simply "having fun" and both are willing to make some sacrifices to make that happen. it seems to be awfully one sided. If you fear he is losing interest, moving is the worst thing you can do.

Also, lots of guys LOOK for long distance relationships on purpose when they have something to hide or like the idea of not committing. If they really want a relationship, they will look locally or even a reasonable distance (ie, an hour or two away - or someone who lives near their parents who they visit every month). They don't date someone who is almost on the opposite side of the country UNLESS you met in person somewhere first.

So in otherwords -- don't just upend everything just to keep him interested. if he loses interest in five months, then he was not interested to begin with

You've met the guy twice yet believe that the only way to keep him is to uproot your whole life to move to one of the most expensive states in the US?

If the relationship is that shakey, I'd hold my ground and find more ways to visit one another. 'One another' being the key phrase, because if you're the one jumping through hoops over signals that otherwise the guy walks away, I'd let him walk away.

What is your current job, and what opportunities to you foresee in transferring your work skills to NY?

Make it about your career and standard of living rather than about the guy. You've met him twice, so that's a 'vacation relationship,' which is nothing to bank a future on.