Looking for opinion

Before 3 months I've broke up with my girlfriend. We were together for 5 years and I would like to address that we were very compatible since we shared same hobbies and interests. Because of that, I think that we would get along even if we were just two buddies and not lovers. But, as time went by, we became irritated by each others flaws, nothing too big but over the time it became bigger than it actually is. For instance, I've hated her occasional lack of social skills and sometimes I was embarrassed by her behavior. She hated that I've spent too much time with other people and less with her. We even had short breaks but we always ended up realizing that we can't be without each other. But after 5 years, we came to the point where we both wanted to break up. We were also hanging out with people that were occasionally suggesting that we should break up since she never had a lover before me and I wasn't that much thrilled as I should be, which was something that we both kind of accepted. After few more fights, we initiated a meeting where we both decided that we no longer want to be with each other. She thought that I don't love her anymore and even though I've tried to persuade her that's not true (and it isn't) I was OK with that since we both wanted to break up. We've spent next two hours talking about other things, laughing, drinking and even kissing because we knew it was over and it didn't turn out to be ugly for any of us. We decided that we're going to stay connected through Facebook and other social sites that we share. Finally, we decided that we're going to meet again as a friends after some time, she said probably two years.

First I was happy that I've broke, but after two weeks I realized that I've made a mistake so I tried to reconcile with her. I've contacted her through a mobile phone and she said that she doesn't want to see me, that we're finished and after short conversation I've said that there's still room in my heart for her and that I'm willing to change my flaws. She said that it weren't just flaws; she said once she accepted that she wants something different for herself she realized that she will never have that with me. I was miserable for the next month.

And then, one month later she published on a Facebook that she in a hospital. So naturally, I've contacted her to ask her is everything OK. She said that she had a surgery and because of some complications, she remained in hospital and she's there for two weeks. I offered myself to visit her but she said that I don't need to bother, that here parents visit her everyday plus colleagues and friends and that she doesn't have that much energy for so many visits. We ended conversation in a positive manner, we both wished each other the best and we both said that we're going to be here for each other whenever it's needed. But then something weird happened. Couple of days later she disliked her message where she said that I don't need to bother to visit her. And I also figured, why would she even post that on Facebook since her family and friends already know that? I would even look bad for not contacting her after I've found out she is hospitalized.

One week later I've rated a movie (we're both movie buffs) that she recently watched and liked. She contacted me through that movie site and we started again a conversation about that movie in which I've wrote, between the lines, that I'm willing to see her after my exam. She didn't answered back but my reply was already written in a way that it doesn't require further replies. I should note that at this time, I'm studying form my final exam.

One month went by and last week was Easter so I've contact her to wish her all the best. We started again a conversation, she asked me what's new and I've said that I've quit drinking (we used to drink together but after a while she ended up drinking occasionally during weekend and I continued to drink three or four times per week which was also one small issue), that I regularly exercise in gym (I was doing that before but not regularly), that I don't go out anymore and that I'm focused on my study and that for the next couple of months I thought a lot about my myself and my flaws. Which is all true, since I want to improve myself for me and for her. She was pleased with what she heard and said that she had a feeling that I'm doing better and that I'm working on to improve myself. I offered her that we meet for a celebration in June if I pass my exam and she said that she would gladly join.

Now I'm mostly studying, I know that she is still recovering from the operation although she is not in a hospital anymore and she can go out, but her fully recovery will be by the end of the summer.

So, if anyone is kind enough to read this, I would appreciate your opinion on what are my chances to reconcile with her. I'm trying to be objective but it seems there are enough reasons for optimism just as there is for pessimism.

How long did you think about it before you broke up with her? I don't know if I would make my focus about getting back with her as it seems you were unhappy but you weren't prepared to be by yourself. I hate to see you play with this girl's feelings while you figure out how to be happy. If you are sincere about getting back together and having a future with her, the best bet is to continue to work on yourself and keep communication open with out being needy. Then if she expresses interest in reconciliation, i would say that you both need to openly address what got you to the point of breaking up in the first place and come up with a plan to circumvent that from happening in the future. It is very concerning that there was no catalyst that caused the break up ... that doesn't bode well for the future.

Sorry to hear this. It was wise to end it because it just wasn't working out. It would be best for both of you to go no contact and delete and block each other from social media. She keeps telling you no, so stop pleading, trying to be friends etc. Continue with your sobriety and self-improvement plan but stop telling her about it. She's done and after 5 years of on/off and discord, it's over.

we became irritated by each others flaws, I've hated her occasional lack of social skills and sometimes I was embarrassed by her behavior. after 5 years, we came to the point where we both wanted to break up.

@GoodGumbo

Thank you very much for your reply. We both thought about breaking up a couple of times during this 5 years but this time we were certain enough to actually do that. I'm OK being by myself but I'm not OK that I'm not with her, I've lost my interest in anyone else and I don't want to meet anybody else since I know I would still miss her and I would look for her in every other person. I'm not sure what are her feelings right now but I'm just hoping that she didn't entirely gave up on me. I'm planing a future for us together but I'm also aware that it might won't matter to her anymore and that I will have to accept that. Thanks for your advice and that's exactly what I'm going to do, keep working on myself without being needy. If she gives me a chance, we will openly discuss all of our problems.

Thanks for your time!

@Wiseman2

Thanks for your reply. But she doesn't keeps telling me no, she contacted me once by herself and I told her about my self-improvement only after she asked me how I'm doing plus she said she would like to see mi in June after my exam. It's not that she's trying to avoid me, I'm only trying to figure out is it for the sake of being friendly or something more.

It sounds like she's trying to be nice and friendly but meeting in June for your invitation doesn't sound like reconciliation. I realize you want people to say it means she wants you back but she has made no attempts at that.

she would like to see mi in June after my exam.

It sounds like she's trying to be nice and friendly but meeting in June for your invitation doesn't sound like reconciliation. I realize you want people to say it means she wants you back but she has made no attempts at that.

@Wiseman2

You're right when you say that I want people to say it means she wants me back but I also know that's not rational so I'm reading all your posts trying to get some objective insight. I would like to address that months before breakup we had moments when she was so happy that she said she feels like we just begun to date so there were many temporary ups and downs in our relationship. If she didn't post on Facebook that she's in a hospital and later disliked her message where she said I don't need to bother visiting her and later contacted me first, I wouldn't have any doubt that she doesn't want to see me. We were together for 5 years and we didn't have serious problems such as infidelity or intimate problems nor were we bored when we were spending time together. Because all of that, plus her sickness which caused her temporary alienation from her friends, made me to believe that maybe she's having second thoughts and probably thinking that those thoughts are wrong. I'm aware that my beliefs are just wishful thinking so, thank you again for your time and reply.