My Life Hurts

Hello, nice to meet you.

I'm an 19 years old guy.

Just thinking of her hurts me. And yet, she's like a magnet, I can't help but still feel attracted to her, and I'm not talking about the body, but about her, as a being.

I don't even know if I love her anymore. She seems to have changed, or maybe it is who has, but everything seems so different. Time passes fast like a lighting, and I realize that, I'd rather... I don't know. I don't be dead, that surely wouldn't be the answer. But I don't want to be alive either. To see how everything moves on, all the good things of my life are now nothing but a distant memory and I can ASSURE you, that no matter how hard I'll try, I'll never get them back. I'll never be able to think and feel the same way ever again. Some might say it's a good thing, that I grew and I might be a better person and build something new. Well... what to build? I don't really care about anything. Sure, I could get success, money, and then what? None of that is going to get me what I want. Heck, I don't even know what I want. I just observe life as a river's water passing by.

But what hurts me more than anything else, is that I didn't even get a chance, and life made me unable to get it. As a matter of fact, the girl I love and I have never been together. It's a bitter-sweet story. I fell in love with her when I was 7. But she lived in a different country, we didn't speak the same language and I didn't know her, not even her name.At 10, I had a flashback/dream of my soul mate. At 14, I had a crush for another girl, this time I knew at least her name: Victoria. But, not her language. I quickly forgot about her and moved on. I learned that language though. Years passed, and at 16 I accidentally found the photo of a girl who looked EXACTLY as the one I saw in my dream when I was 10. I made some researches online and found out she was the very same girl i had fallen in love with when I was 7 and 14. We had the same passions, same dreams, we liked the same things in general.

Well, I tried to contact her. It took me two years but I had finally managed to tell her everything I felt for her.

She rejected me. And that in itself doesn't hurt me as much as the reason why she did it. She rejected me because I'm not rich.

My family used to be very rich, but one day, when I was very little, everything changed forever. My mother raised me alone through MANY struggles. And because of that one bad day, my whole life has been a soup of disappointments. Sure, I'm not gonna deny I had GREAT moments to, really. Awesome moments. But I would've traded even my soul for a chance to be with the only person I truly loved. And to know that my destiny wasn't in my hands is what truly bothers me. Sure, someone might say that she would only love me for my money, that I don't need someone like that etc. but... I do. I miss her, I feel empty without her. I tried moving on, flirting with other girls etc. but... it doesn't work. Could you me any advice please?

OP, I am confused: who is this girl, exactly? How do you know her? Or maybe a better question, do you know her, or she is someone you found online out of the blue?

You say she rejected you because you are not rich, but what exactly did she say to you when you contacted her?

Hi....

Sounds like you've been STUCK in this..... fantasy type.. fairy tale.

Which is not reality, sadly :(.

And stuck you are.

If it has been going on for this long, I am suggesting some prof help. Therapy.

Been there a few times.. it does help a bit.

You NEED to be able to work on accepting the facts.. and work at moving on with your life. Cause this is all keeping you down. That is no way to live . Is very unhealthy.

Being rich in order to get someone.. is so wrong. It is.

You want someone in your life who wants to be with you for who you are. Then it's real.

And that can be obtained. But not if you're stuck like this.

You feel low cause you are stuck on this... fantasy of this girl.. so far, far away?

Many of us experience rough times thru life.. and is often due to 'loss'. Loss is never easy- cause it hurts! :(.

I tried long distance before. It went on for 3 yrs... was all wrong and I wasted 3 yrs of my life. Attached to someone I felt I clicked with.. and I let it go on.

When we met up a cpl times.. it was NOT how I imagined at all. He was not my type and he was way ahead of me in life terms.

Our talks.. were not reality..across the miles. Soon after we met up finally, it did all die down.

I was able to accept it was nothing & not for me. I took a couple of months, healed from it all and was able to move on.

I really suggest you aim at doing the same.

Maybe journal your feelings... let it all out.. on paper.

And maybe to help you along, get a cute little doll. A lady figure and name her after your crush/desire.

And leave it at that.....Say to yourself.. this is ______________. She is cute and that's all.

Keep her in a drawer.. or closet. And close that chapter.

In time you CAN manage to let this all go. And move on with YOUR Life. You are young ( my kids age) and you have so much time left to get a real good life going.

So many adventures and fun times to be had.

Enjoy what you have near to you. Your friends.. family... pets? Live your life around them. Things closer to you that ARE there.

Sooo many times distance just adds to the challenges anyways. So aim at not having another involvement with a big distance.

Take care.. of YOU. Love yourself.

TC

Thank you very much for sharing your experience and for the advices. I'll try to follow them.

And you're right, I'm stuck indeed. I try to enjoy what's already there but it just seems... I don't know... bleached? Everything feels great, as if I moved on, and then that one thought or unrelated reminder strucks in and I feel teared apart.

As for the journal, it's kind of ironic you've mentioned this... my feelings for her have inspired me to literally write a novel (I'm halfway through it and plan on publishing this year). So... I have at least that going for me, which is nice.

Yeah... those re-occuring memories. Triggers maybe? I have them a lot nowadays.. awful :/.

Just keep going.... Hopefully you journalling can help you along with accepting it's not for you. More just a story?

Her name is Victoria. She's 6 years older than me. She's an actress. I know what you may be thinking "oh, it's another crazy fan" but that really isn't the case.

I first saw her BEFORE she became famous. But as time passed, things changed. She has already realized her dreams while I'm still trying to realize mine (I want to study business & marketing in college, I run a small business and I'm currently writing a novel).

I wanted to get to know her better. She didn't even bother to answer. Basically I had tried to contact her in every possible way but didn't manage to. One day, there was this thing (like a public chat) where everyone got to message with her.

Well, she literally answered to EVERYONE except for me. Comments above mine, below mine, everyone. There was even this one guy who is very rich and who kind of insulted her and made fun of her in front of everyone. She literally started to FLIRT with him. I love her, I would've done anything to make her happy, and instead she'd rather start flirting with a guy who treats her badly just because he has money. Like, honestly, if she would've just rejected me instead of treating me like a piece of trash who doesn't even deserve an answer, and if she would've simply rejected me instead of flirting with someone else in front of me, I would've understood.

Nobody has the right to hurt my pride like that. Was it someone else I would simply stop caring about that person. And yet, I STILL LOVE HER. And now I'm angry with myself, with her, with life in general.

I know I may be sounding like a super-weirdo and that "I need to move on, act like an adult, etc." but... I love her.

Thanks. It's a fictional story. Basically, everytime someone dies he or she reincarnates a few centuries later with no memories of their past. That was the case of the protagonist, a 4000 years old general. This time he is reborn in our modern times and starts remembering everything though. He remembers how his soulmate and wife died in his past life and tries looking for her. However... when someone starts remembering their past, that life becomes their last.

The book starts in the moment he thinks he has finally found her.

You can't love someone you don't know. You can't know someone without very direct, intentional, repeated, and mutual communication between both people over a long period of time.

For all you know, she beats up elderly pets in her spare time and throws a massive, childish fuss any time her different food items are touching each other on her plates (and considers that problem worse than things like homelessness or etc.)

I'm sorry you're going through something, but there's no way to get you out of this without you acknowledging that you're in love with a fantasy / ideal that simply doesn't exist.

Maybe you're right. But I'm in love with the things I DO know about her. However, you're also right on the fact that there's many things I don't know and that I have to aknowledge that she isn't all rainbows and sunshine. And I've aknowledge that already. But I still can't help but "miss her" (I know it sounds very weird considering I don't even know her). What would you do to move on in such a weird situation? I didn't even imagine love would ever do this to me, usually I'm a very logical and calculating person.

Thanks. It's a fictional story.

This is about a STORY?? Sorry, but this is really confusing. Are you wanting advice about a story?

Maybe you're right. But I'm in love with the things I DO know about her. However, you're also right on the fact that there's many things I don't know and that I have to aknowledge that she isn't all rainbows and sunshine. And I've aknowledge that already. But I still can't help but "miss her" (I know it sounds very weird considering I don't even know her). What would you do to move on in such a weird situation? I didn't even imagine love would ever do this to me, usually I'm a very logical and calculating person.

You have to acknowledge that you don't really know anything about her. What a person says they're like (in interviews or bios or etc), or what other people say they're like, is usually pretty different from how they actually are. And accepting someone's imperfections is impossible without experiencing those imperfections. You know absolutely nothing about her.

You also have to acknowledge that this is not love at all. You don't even know her. You're seriously attracted to her, but you know absolutely nothing about her. Whatever you are feeling has absolutely nothing to do with love, and if you acknowledge that, it should help you get over this unhealthy crush.

To get over your blind celebrity crush, the best you could do is stop imagining positive fantasies about her and start imagining negative fantasies about her, because to be blunt, they're just as likely to be true as whatever positive fantasies you're crafting about her. That, and acknowledging that the "love" or "soulmate" frame that you've crafted for this situation is quite wrong.

It's also highly illogical to think there's such thing as a soulmate or that you have spent years having visions of who this person would be. Perhaps you could use the irrationality of such a notion to help you get over it. The idealization of a soul mate is just not how a relationship works; there's no such thing as a soulmate. A relationship is no more magical than a friendship -- there's just slightly different expectations and slightly different hormones involved.

No! This isn't about a story. This is about a REAL person I REALLY fell in love for. I meant that I'm writing a story to write what I feel and to try to move on.

Well, I must agree with everything you said. You're right. Thank you very much for the advices.

You don't love her, OP. You don't even know her.

You are infatuated. There is a big difference. But you do need to leave her alone. It is clear that your contact isn't welcome, so please do leave her be before she blocks you entirely.

Sorry you are experiencing this. Chances are since you are 19 and actively pursuing females, you will experience ups and downs emotionally with other girls. Focus on what you can do for others; volunteering, giving of yourself to others. I'll stand with you that you will make wise decisions that leads you to a brighter future.

I stopped trying to contact her many months ago. I was just looking for advices on how to move on.

The only cases when I'm not really capable of making wise decisions is when flirting. I tried to flirt with other girls, but I end up sounding awkward more than anything.