18 Years Old & Already 4 Years In

Late night thoughts are an amazing thing aren't they?

The Situation:

I've been with my girl 4 years & honestly I wouldn't change it for the world. Lost our virginity together, been on multiple holidays together, constantly talk to each other & over this time she's become my bestfriend. We've done everything together & have never had any massive issues/arguments; petty disagreements always turn into a laugh & a joke.

Being so young, while being together so long is very rare where I come from. We've all outlasted every relationship around us & continue going strong today. She's perfect for me & what we have is all that I need.

Only downside is, the last 6 months I've done a lot of thinking.

The Problem:

I turned 18 at the start of the year & now I'm able to go out drinking & clubbing. Simply put, it's been ing amazing.

I've never cheated or thought about it because she's always on my mind. *This will sound hypocrital in a minute I know, but it's true*

My main worry is that I'm not living my life to the fullest by staying with her. Most of my mates are single & like most teenagers, are playing the field when it comes to girls. It's not that I'm jealous, but I feel like I should be doing that before I put all my eggs in one basket with my current relationship.

Especially over the last year & half she regular mentions our future & even geting married. I'm clearly not scared of loyalty & commitment (as a lot of adult relationships struggle to last 4 years relatively problem free), but at this age that scares me... Only properly being with one girl...

It would kill me to see her with someone else, but I know I would be able to deal with it in the long run. Deep down I know I will marry this girl, but at the same time I feel like staying with her much longer at this current time will be my biggest regret later on in life. Her & I both know & agree we would also go back to eachother but I feel like we need to be free for a few years, see other people & experience life from another POV. It feels selfish as young people that we are tying eachother down.

Question:

What should I do? Should I break up with her & be honest? Should I blame it on our sex life slowing down (which is true) or should I think it, I'm an individual, I can live my best life with her & I don't need to be like the majority of people? Or what else could I do?

My heads a mess right now so any help/advice would be much appreciated.

Thanks for Reading.

Well, you can be smart and mature and stay with your wonderful girlfriend in a permanent relationship or you can be an immature meathead and go off with your mates to get drunk, pick up drunk girls and have drunk sex. And don't think you're going to get back to her at some point because when you've screwed up a relationship, it's over. And then when you're alone and throwing up the next morning you will be missing the time when you had a nice girlfriend in a stable relationship. So give that a thought.

You are so young, and she's all you've known, so it's understandable to feel the way do.

Just know that if you let someone great go, you may not be able to ever get them back. You can think you're just taking a break to experience life, but the risk is high that they will meet and fall for someone else. Just as you might.

So if you end it, don't do so with the confidence that you will be able to get it back, because the odds will be stacked against you.

I'll tell you as someone who's been thru that phase in life with the drinking and partying and being free, that it gets old and at some point you have to grow up and be a responsible adult. If you're going away to college and want to be free, by all means do what's right for you. But if you're staying at home, and just want to party it up with your friends and sleep until 3 pm, you're making a huge mistake.

Partying never replaces a good partner . Been there done that except for the sex part. I wasn’t into that. And I met my husband at the end stages of my party life .

You won’t get her back if you go off to party and think that you’re getting experience she won’t be interested .

DanZee: Appreciate the blunt honesty man. This is what I'm siding towards because honestly, I've seen my older mates being 'free' going out for years & not been tempted at all. I think I am now because somethings not right in our relationship, so I'm gonna work out what it is & approach her about it. Again, thanks for the reply.

SweetGirl28: This is how I've felt for so long. Like its all well & good her saying that she will always come back to me, but if she meets someone else & grows close with them, her mind could change.. I may have to move away with work soon so that's maybe why these thoughts have become a more regular thing. Like I said to DanZee, clearly somethings not right in our relationship & I need to speak to her so we can work on that. Thank you for the reply & advice.

Your mates are right, you need to experience freedom and independence now. Otherwise you will resent her or cheat or eventually breakup anyway. When she turns 18 she'll probably come to the same conclusions as you and want the same freedom as you are enjoying. You've outgrown each other.

I turned 18 at the start of the year & now I'm able to go out drinking & clubbing. Simply put, it's been ing amazing. My main worry is that I'm not living my life to the fullest by staying with her. Most of my mates are single & like most teenagers, are playing the field when it comes to girls.

~Seraphim ~ :Exactly. It's like we can both think this, but that's in our current position. Circumstances & the way people act can change everything very quickly. I like the thought of staying with her & maybe getting married in my mid-twenties, but then I also have a part of me screaming like 'you can't just live your whole life having sex with only one girl'. I think that's my immature, horny teenage side showing but I've never been set on ending the relationship because there's never been nothing wrong with us to justify it. Thanks for the advice.

Wiseman2: The last thing I wanna do is leave these thoughts, let them grow & cheat because I ing despise cheaters. She's 6 months older than me & has been going out more than I have & she seems a lot happier with the relationship than I do right now. I've just seen two of my best mates through big break ups with long term relationships & they seem so much happier playing the field. It's more effort, but its saink new & fresh for em again. However, they had valid reasons to split up.. I'm not sure if mines actually valid in the big scheme of things. Cheers for the advice though mate.

And don't think you're going to get back to her at some point because when you've screwed up a relationship, it's over. And then when you're alone and throwing up the next morning you will be missing the time when you had a nice girlfriend in a stable relationship. So give that a thought.

In most cases it is true that if you leave a relationship you have slim chances of getting back together. BUT leaving on good terms, like exploring life's experiences, doesn't mean you won't. My husband and I broke up for a year while we were dating to get our education in order and meet new people... we still ended up back together and got married.

Tough call, OP. My take?

Your priorities change later in life, and it typically happens after you hit 18. You both will go for higher education. One of you may want to study or work abroad for a year or more, take up an entry level/apprenticeship, travel alone for a bit, and/or go for your master's/doctorate (several more years of schooling).

The point I'm making is that you have NO WAY of knowing what the future holds at the age of 18. Your opportunities are endless the younger and less committed you are. The downside of being in a serious relationship is that it can hold you back from those opportunities. I had to give up numerous jobs such as joining the Peace Corps or teaching in Japan - something I've always wanted to do - and instead work entry level teaching jobs/part-time serving for a few years because my husband could not follow me overseas. I had to make a decision on what made me happy while giving up on certain dreams. I am in a very happy marriage and about to give birth to a beautiful daughter, but there have been times when I wished I had taken some time to teach overseas.

So you have a big decision to make. Go with what makes you happy and let the chips fall as they may. A word of caution and from my own experience:

We've done everything together & have never had any massive issues/arguments; petty disagreements always turn into a laugh & a joke.

All couples fight - it's how you manage your arguments that matter. But seeing you both are 18 and have not experienced living together or making bigger decisions like finances, where the live, raising children, etc. ... trust me, it's coming.

What should I do? Should I break up with her & be honest? Should I blame it on our sex life slowing down (which is true)

It's common for sexual activity to slow down the longer you are with someone. Just wait until you're married. :lol: It doesn't mean you don't love that person any less.

In most cases it is true that if you leave a relationship you have slim chances of getting back together. BUT leaving on good terms, like exploring life's experiences, doesn't mean you won't. My husband and I broke up for a year while we were dating to get our education in order and meet new people... we still ended up back together and got married.

 

Tough call, OP. My take?

 

Your priorities change later in life, and it typically happens after you hit 18. You both will go for higher education. One of you may want to study or work abroad for a year or more, take up an entry level/apprenticeship, travel alone for a bit, and/or go for your master's/doctorate (several more years of schooling).

 

The point I'm making is that you have NO WAY of knowing what the future holds at the age of 18. Your opportunities are endless the younger and less committed you are. The downside of being in a serious relationship is that it can hold you back from those opportunities. I had to give up numerous jobs such as joining the Peace Corps or teaching in Japan - something I've always wanted to do - and instead work entry level teaching jobs/part-time serving for a few years because my husband could not follow me overseas. I had to make a decision on what made me happy while giving up on certain dreams. I am in a very happy marriage and about to give birth to a beautiful daughter, but there have been times when I wished I had taken some time to teach overseas.

 

 

So you have a big decision to make. Go with what makes you happy and let the chips fall as they may. A word of caution and from my own experience:

 

[/b]

All couples fight - it's how you manage your arguments that matter. But seeing you both are 18 and have not experienced living together or making bigger decisions like finances, where the live, raising children, etc. ... trust me, it's coming.

 

 

It's common for sexual activity to slow down the longer you are with someone. Just wait until you're married. :lol: It doesn't mean you don't love that person any less.

Thank you for this. This is exactly the reason I posted this on here; to hopefully find someone who's been in a similar position to myself & can kind of give me an idea of what I could be getting myself into. I am currently in a very well paying apprenticeship while she stayed on at school & went to sixth form & is looking to get into a higher apprenticeship this summer. I'm in two minds whether to keep trying & see how the relationship develops once she starts working full time aswell. Before that, we'll both being going on holidays with our mates separately & doing a lot of we've never done before (considering this is both our first summer being 18). I know from experience how stressful the real world of working is, but luckily she was just started sixth form so rather than arguing because we were both stressed, she really helped me & kept me positive when I was really struggling to adapt. I'm still stressed with work, so when we both become stressed it could open a whole new part of our relationship that we've never experienced before (exactly like you were saying with the not have really important things to argue about yet). Right now I haven't been clubbing enough to know what I want. I'm more into going to the pub with a big group of mates & watching the football boxing etc.. But I have a lot of reasons to go clubs in the next few months (Stag parties, birthdays etc..) so that may help with the thinking behind this decision. Its funny because over the weekend I spoke to her, just after posting this, about our slowing down of sex life & that we was like a married couple lol & she agreed. However, she said that it was because we were having sex everytime we saw eachother pretty much & it seemed like all I wanted. I understand I backed off a bit, took her out a few times & then tonight, for the first time in 3 & half weeks, I got what I wanted & she put it on me out of nowhere. It made me realise that I was probably partly at fault by being so full on for so long. It definitely changed my perspective a fair bit on the whole relationship in a positive way. Its also good to know that my ideal of breaking up & getting back together isn't completely delusional & can work out for the best. Once I finish the first part of my apprenticeship in the summer, I'm looking to move on & get a job in a whole different field that I have an actual interest in. So again, that may involve me moving & may change my mindset again.

I really appreciate you sharing you own personal experience with me, Snny, thank you.

I have been with my husband almost 30 years. There is definitely more to love than just sex.

Nah, don't leave a good thing. Focus on ways in which you can spice up your sex life with her so that your mind is not wandering... If your emotional and sex life was amazing, you wouldnt be having these thoughts haha.

Ok. Even though things seem ok with her, the fact that you are looking upon your friends and their freedom with a bit of envy tells you something. As far as valid reasons to split up you don't need hard and fast, black and white reasons. All you need is the the nagging sensation of doubt and unrest that you are describing. Remember this is not a marriage with kids where you must contemplate the impact of your choices as heavily as your first love/dating situation. In fact it's best to spread your wings at this point in life and consider your future without being tied down by habit, nostalgia, guilt or fear.

she seems a lot happier with the relationship than I do right now. I've just seen two of my best mates through big break ups with long term relationships & they seem so much happier playing the field.

I'm 30 and have been with my wife since we were in high school.

If I ever had a pang or two of regret for my friends' freedom in college it is heavily overshadowed by my gratitude now that I kept my wife and never felt enough need to experiment that I ended things with her.

I have seen many of my friends play the field in college and most of the outcomes are pretty sad. Not exactly what it has cracked up to be from what I have seen.

If it starts eating at you a lot then I don't see how you could be together.

But if it is only a slight worry about what you might be missing out on, I would say that it isn't as great as people like to make it seem.

I have been with my husband almost 30 years. There is definitely more to love than just sex.

Definitely, but I think it would be very silly of me as a teenager with my whole life ahead of me, to start living off of what commonly happens in marriage. Honestly, I don't want to get married anytime soon & in my opinion, a girlfriend at my age should be one of your best friends who makes you happy & has the same interests as you. Which luckily mine is all of those things at the moment. However, it doesn't mean I should start sacrifice my potential happiness over the next few years on the basics of that we're going to get married and this is how things are going to be if you get what I'm saying?

Nah, don't leave a good thing. Focus on ways in which you can spice up your sex life with her so that your mind is not wandering... If your emotional and sex life was amazing, you wouldnt be having these thoughts haha.

A mate said this too me aswell. She's open to spicing things up & we have in the past but more recently, whenever I've suggested anything, shes sat their & said I must think I'm a pornstar & that aint reality lol. But its alright for her to openly fantasise about 50 shades of grey haha..

Appreciate the Reply.

Ok. Even though things seem ok with her, the fact that you are looking upon your friends and their freedom with a bit of envy tells you something. As far as valid reasons to split up you don't need hard and fast, black and white reasons. All you need is the the nagging sensation of doubt and unrest that you are describing. Remember this is not a marriage with kids where you must contemplate the impact of your choices as heavily as your first love/dating situation. In fact it's best to spread your wings at this point in life and consider your future without being tied down by habit, nostalgia, guilt or fear.

Completely agree. But I'm a bit of softy with her & I'd hate to break her heart, especially on the basics of slight doubts about our current situation. And this is my stumbling block when it comes to this decision...

I'm 30 and have been with my wife since we were in high school.

 

If I ever had a pang or two of regret for my friends' freedom in college it is heavily overshadowed by my gratitude now that I kept my wife and never felt enough need to experiment that I ended things with her.

 

I have seen many of my friends play the field in college and most of the outcomes are pretty sad. Not exactly what it has cracked up to be from what I have seen.

 

If it starts eating at you a lot then I don't see how you could be together.

 

But if it is only a slight worry about what you might be missing out on, I would say that it isn't as great as people like to make it seem.

And this was my mentality until very recently. I enjoyed being different & accepted that playing the field ain't all its made out to be. I need to address what's made my mind change tbh.

Thank you for the reply.

Don't string her along for sex.

Completely agree. But I'm a bit of softy with her & I'd hate to break her heart, especially on the basics of slight doubts about our current situation. And this is my stumbling block when it comes to this decision...

You are welcome!!

Do keep in mind that everyone’s relationship works differently. What has worked for my relationship may not hold the same outcome for yours. I met my husband at 18 years old and was good friends... then dated him at 19, a few months before transferring out of a 2-year college and into a 4-year university that placed me 2.5 hours away. Most couples in my past situation would end the relationship immediately because the loneliness was a real struggle... one of the big reasons why we broke up later on so we could meet other people. We DID NOT expect to get back together because break ups are painful, and we even severed communication until we met at a mutual friend’s party. We decided to give it another go because the other people we met were not as good... and got married one month before my 30th birthday. 10 years of dating to tie the knot.

Communication is king to ensure success of a relationship. It’s how you build trust. Just as you are realizing about sex... intimacy is not always about boning! At your age, it is time to manage your priorities and start planning feasible goals. Being open about them with your partner may gain you better support without burning any bridges.