He sent me flowers

The on-line guy sent me flowers, chocolates, and a teddy bear. We met off a dating site, i closed it down. He said he's coming in a month. Now i believe he's legitimate and not some romantic fraud.

I cut off communication with ex, date, and other guys i was chatting with. Almost all from same dating site. He was my favorite but i was worried he was a scam because he's too good to be true. He passed my tests, and more. I am so happy today. We are going to met soon! I'm preparing myself best i can.

Why would you give your address to a stranger you've not met in person?

You have very risky behavior. Please don't do things like this in the future. You really risk your safety.

Jetta...No offense, but are you still taking your meds? It appears that you're displaying manic behaviour. I mean this with the best of intentions, and hopefully you'll address this issue.

Yes I take my meds every day. He's a military guy, and I didn't really think of it as a big deal. I'm not manic I'm happy I got flowers today from a guy I like.

Why would you give your address to a stranger you've not met in person?

You have very risky behavior. Please don't do things like this in the future. You really risk your safety.

Gotta agree on this! I did a lot of online dating and didn't give out my address until we started getting more serious. W/some of the guys I met online, I'm glad I never gave my address, that risks me getting stalked. Be patient, don't rush and risk getting yourself in trouble. You still don't know if he is legit... Also don't hang your hopes on this guy, it is such a bad idea esp if you haven't even met. Don't stop chatting to other guys cause you may discover he is leading you on or is a catfish.

I am completely baffled how you are able to jump from man to man so quickly and easily.

So much for focusing on getting your own place so you can get your daughter back.

I suppose you plan to move in with this guy?

What "tests" did you give him?

Based on your previous threads, you have very poor judgment so I am concerned that the "tests" you feel he has passed are not a good indicator of who he really is at all.

Jetta....what happened to taking a good long break from dating? Why do you constantly feel like you need a man?

It's very costly to move out on my own. I've run the numbers. If i move in with a man i can live a better life. I am looking for a descent man i can live my life with.

My daughter wants day visits until i move out of Grandma's house. Her visits cost me about $50 a visit. It's costly seeing her not at home, making moving out that much harder. She refuses to come to Grandmas house because she is verbally abusive.

I'm on wait lists for section 8 housing that i am told will take years. I can't wait years. My daughter is 15. I only have a few years left.

It's very costly to move out on my own. I've run the numbers. If i move in with a man i can live a better life. .

Jetta, with all due respect, your big mistake is that you jump from one man to the next within weeks, giving you zero time to even get to know them, and all you have in your head is: "meet a guy and move in with him so that he can take care of me". You NEVER give it time. You NEED time to get to know someone BEFORE moving in with them. Your whole life seems to revolve around.. "must find a man to take care of me". No, you don't NEED a man in your life. And if you do find a man, at least get to know the guy, spend at least a full YEAR or more, before moving in with him.

The best thing you can do for yourself right now is STOP monkey branching from man to man and STOP dating all together for at least a year. Get in a more healthy mind set and sort out all of your issues before launching into yet another unhealthy/dysfunctional "relationship".

Jetta, are you employed? What type of work do you do, or are you qualified for?

Do you really think any agency you are working with will approve your daughter to live with you when you are living with some strange man you just met?

I'm sorry, but it sure seems like getting yourself a man, any man, takes priority over your daughter.

I am sorry for your financial situation, Jetta, and I understand the reasoning behind your strategy. I would venture to say there are better strategies out there that don't risk your safety.

I recommend you be patient, see your daughter when you can, and work through this via counseling or other medium. You act like you have a few years left, but your daughter will always be your daughter, even when grown.

She won't ever live with me again, the judge who gave my ex custody put permanent custody in the file. I tried when she was 6 to get her back, I have visitation that's all I'm ever getting. I might get overnights again but that won't be much longer that I have that option. And she can decide if she wants to come over or not because of her age. Right now it's a not. And seeing her at all costs me a lot of money. Yes I work I'm a part-time legal assistant and on disability for my mental illness. I have a college degree in housing studies and cannot get a job in the field because I lack experience, have never been able to get a job in the field since graduation. So I've learned to accept I won't be the successful career person I aspire to be, I'll face the fact I'm disabled and work part-time jobs. Right now it's a good job but won't last because my boss is losing his mental abilities. He's considering going on disability himself. Also, I meet guys off dating sites. I was trying to stick to local guys, I have a harder time getting local guys and the one I got was a cuckhold guy who would be trouble for me. I've had more luck in my 40's than I have ever had in my 20's. Maybe I'm aging well.

If don't think you're having more luck and aging well, I think you are desperate and take anyone who pays attention to you.

You're on a dangerous path of destruction here. It's good your ex has custody. I can't believe you complain that seeing your own daughter costs you too much money. You have money to pay for a dating site.

So since seeing your daughter costs money you are going to give up and ensure you will not even get visitation? Because no way will the agencies allow your teenage daughter to visit you when you are living with a strange man you just met.

I'm just baffled that you would decide seeing your own child isn't worth the money it costs.

I'm saying seeing her outside my home is making it that much harder for me to get my own place. She is refusing to come to Grandma's house as long as I live there. I pay the money but I'm also not saving either. I keep having to pull from my savings. And I will move in with the military guy if things work that way. He's a stable guy for goodness sake. You people really love to twist words.

You're not necessarily having more luck, you're just lowering your standards further and further and seem to be accepting any old random who pays attention to you.

Don't do this to yourself. You don't have the appropriate standards for men to assume you'll have a better life if you move in with one you hardly know. Your picker is so flawed and you're so incredibly vulnerable that you're going to attract the wrong type of man who takes full advantage of you.

I'm saying seeing her outside my home is making it that much harder for me to get my own place. She is refusing to come to Grandma's house as long as I live there. I pay the money but I'm also not saving either. I keep having to pull from my savings. And I will move in with the military guy if things work that way. He's a stable guy for goodness sake. You people really love to twist words.

And you know this based on what, exactly?

You sound eerily familiar with the other poster, LazyDaisy or something like that.

I'm thinking you're the same person. Too many similarities in the writing style. Yikes.

At any rate, how is spending $50 on a visit with your daughter preventing you from saving?

You wouldn't even want to know how much my daughter cost me geez.

You wrote before that you were "living the high life at Mom's" and that you could save if you cut down on spending. Now you're blaming seeing your daughter for your inability to save?

And just a couple of weeks ago you were all upset over the previous guy, now you're thinking you'll move in with this new guy you just started communicating with online?

You're all over the place, Jetta.

I strongly believe your focus on these men is just a way to avoid everything else that's going on in your life. Things that should be taking a priority, like getting your own place so you can spend more time with your daughter.

High life to me is shopping, dining out. And I'm dining out with daughter, seeing movies, things I normally don't do often because it's costly. I'm trying to figure out more economical ways to hang out. The parental liaison recommended volunteering but I don't even know where to begin with that as a mother daughter. I'm over ex now he asked if I were still interested in him I responded not anymore. I've always lacked focus that's just me. I always have my mind going in 50 different directions. Military guy says he he wants me to move in with him and to hold off on moving out, great that's what I would love. My stuff is gone for the most part. I'd really be starting over, it's easier to start with someone.

I am still working on my savings plan but it's a challenge. I'm trying to hold onto most of my disability check and pay bills with what I earn, I'm going to see how that goes this month. I'm new to saving it's hard to cut costs when things need to be done or happen. Anyway I'm planning on moving out still just in case things don't work out with military guy. Plus it might be better to date a bit before moving in together. Just that I would accumulate stuff and that's a deterrent. Cause he has his stuff. Anyway I'm on several lists. I don't make that much I'm limited on what I can earn being on disability. I'm just happy I can earn something because living on disability alone was super hard.

My job is iffy too, so moving now isn't a good idea. I'm going to start looking for a new job after I meet with my case manager and job coach.

High life to me is shopping, dining out. And I'm dining out with daughter, seeing movies, things I normally don't do often because it's costly. I'm trying to figure out more economical ways to hang out. The parental liaison recommended volunteering but I don't even know where to begin with that as a mother daughter. .

well -- you needed to go to movies and dine out with your daughter to make up for lost time. Now that you have done a few fun things to break the ice again with her, yes volunteering is a good idea. Do a walkathon, volunteer at a soup kitchen. Some churches have a day where you go through a neighborhood and clean up yards of elderly residents who have signed up for help with their yard or minor fixes in their house. you can volunteer to be ushers at the local high school play. Find out what she cares about.

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QUOTE=Jetta;6979439]It's very costly to move out on my own. I've run the numbers. If i move in with a man i can live a better life. I am looking for a descent man i can live my life with.

My daughter wants day visits until i move out of Grandma's house. Her visits cost me about $50 a visit. It's costly seeing her not at home, making moving out that much harder. She refuses to come to Grandmas house because she is verbally abusive.

I'm on wait lists for section 8 housing that i am told will take years. I can't wait years. My daughter is 15. I only have a few years left.

you can make a picnic lunch, go to free things to do like the park or museum, etc. You don't have to spend $50 at a pop all the time. And if so --- so what -- you are not paying rent.

As far as section 8 - if you are on the list now, maybe you will be ready by the time your name comes up.

So your solution is to find a guy to move you in and provide for you?

DO NOT move in with a man. This is where you st

You haven't even met yet and he wants you to move in???!!!

And you actually think it's a good idea?

This has really gotten out of hand.

If moving out would be easier with someone, how about a roommate? Instead of a man you haven't even met yet?

Oh my goodness... having gone through some of your past threads, I see now why people are concerned for your wellbeing... No thought at all as to the consequences of your behaviour, no ability to think through a situation, no willingness to go through discomfort in order to improve your self confidence and wellbeing. According to you, you are taking your meds but your behaviour indicates otherwise, this is pretty classic of the manic cycle of BPD.