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Thread: May December relationship issues

  1. #1

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    May December relationship issues

    Hi all,
    Im a 61 year old man whos divorced and I have 2 daughters aged 15 and 9. Last year I was introduced to my current GF whos 34. We clicked immediately. Shes a much older soul and Im really a lot younger in spirit than my years.

    We have fantastic sex and have explored our repressed sexuality together and its been fun, exciting, but sometimes frustrating for me as well. We have open non-monogamy with other partners but only together. You could say we are swingers but I hate labels. We both know that this type of sexual relationship is who we really are as people but have finally been able to live that life because we found each other.

    This is not to say that group sex or threesomes is all we are; thats not true. I love having very intimate love making with her sometimes, and sometimes we just like to get dirty and have sex. This whole part of our life is fine, but the age issue, along with other issues of lying, concealing, and money are really the problem.

    I have been financially supporting her since a month into our relationship in several ways, all the while knowing she had entanglements with a man who was her prior lover for 10 years. She has sworn her love to me and has promised to break those ties as soon as possible. Now, months have gone by and shes still entangled. The entanglement runs deep in that her whole world before me connects back to this man. Making a true and complete break from him isnt easy for her and I have tried to be empathetic for this issue. Im mature enough to do that.

    Still, Im not used to being lied to. She has lied to me about where she is, who shes with, what shes doing several times now and always has an answer why to keep me happy. This part isnt working for me. When confrontation comes up around this, she tells me to be patient and have faith in her love for me. That all of these problems are really just temporary sh*t that well get thru. That once shes clear of her prior life issues (shes a local celebrity whos been stalked by fans) we can go on to the wonderful life we are planning together.

    But Im fearful; what things will she lie to me about? Is she just using me for money? Can I trust her after her having lied to me? Can we get past the stigma of having a 26 year age gap? Will anyone in her closest cadre of friends and family EVER know I exist? If shes embarrassed by our age gap can this ever work?

    I know the failure rate is high for people with our age gap, but were both mature and its not like Im taking some high schooler into my bed. Were both grownups. But I cannot live in the shadows anymore and need openness, transparency, honesty, and commitment to go on. Im holding anger because of lies. I want so much to trust her and I really do love her.

    Any advice I can get here would be helpful.

  2. #2
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    OP, you are old enough to know you are being used here.

    You cannot and should not trust this woman. You love who you want her to be, but you surely know you don't love who she really is. Heck, it sounds like you don't really even know who she really is.

    She is lying to you and her actual boyfriend, sorry to say.

  3. #3
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    This has absolutely nothing to do with your age difference.

    She's using you. And lying.

    Tell her you are going to cut her off financially and see if she sticks around. You'll know within oh, about 10 minutes whether her professed "love" for you is real.

  4. #4
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    Originally Posted by MissCanuck
    OP, you are old enough to know you are being used here.

    You cannot and should not trust this woman. You love who you want her to be, but you surely know you don't love who she really is. Heck, it sounds like you don't really even know who she really is.

    She is lying to you and her actual boyfriend, sorry to say.

    30 year difference..... lying in an open relationship whilst you foot the bills. I agree with MissCanuk.

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  6. #5
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    She is using you as a sugar daddy. You are not equals - you are paying her way. She doesn't love you -- she just sees you as a payday.

    I have been financially supporting her since a month into our relationship

    Inaprorpriate! Shame on you!

    As far as knowing where she is - you don't own her.

    And the problem isn't the age --- you are essential "buying" this relationship. And no doubt she is still sleeping with her supposed ex. She just benefits from your money

  7. #6
    Platinum Member LC8328's Avatar
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    My heart is breaking for you, sir, but I fear everyone here is right.

    Your age difference has nothing to do with it.

    Mostly I am worried about you because you are clearly smitten with this lady. That and the fact that you are admittedly holding in anger. Take it from me, that can never amount to anything good.

    It seems that although you have an open relationship, this woman is the center of your world, but it doesn't seem like YOU are the center of HER world, and that makes me more worried about you, and sad. I get that she's a local celebrity and probably has lots going on. But everyone, from rich to poor to famous to not, is capable of having a true honest relationship; she just doesn't seem to want to respect you enough to give you that. I am sorry for this and I wish you the very best when it's time for you to move on.

  8. #7
    Platinum Member Clio's Avatar
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    OP, there is nothing mature about the set up that you described. You are paying for her company, share her in bed and she keeps lying to you. Trophy women come with a price. You are old enough to know that at this point you are making informed choices. You are using her for her looks and she is using you for your money. If this is no longer an acceptable transaction for you, it is your responsibility to walk away. You are not a victim in this scenario.


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