Facebook share
LinkedIn share
Google plus share
Twitter plus share
Give Advice
Ask For Advice
Page 1 of 7 1234 ... LastLast
Results 1 to 10 of 69

Thread: Relationship Break

  1. #1
    Member
    Join Date
    Mar 2018
    Posts
    42

    Relationship Break

    Hi all,

    First time poster here to this great website, it has helped me through some tough times.

    My (ex?) girlfriend and I had some rough times recently and kind of drifted apart. We've been together 4 years and living together that long too. As things became bad there before and after Christmas she decided it was best she moved out to take some time out and get her head straight on us. I fully agreed and helped her move out, all very amicable. She insisted that it wasn't a break-up and that we should just spend some time apart. We both agreed on this.

    I told her that I thought it would be best that we weren't in contact for the two months so we could really see what it would be like without being in each other's lives. She wasn't overly keen on this but once I explained this to her she understood and accepted. During the first week I got a few texts from her regarding stuff she needed and I would give a single reply. If any post arrived I'd just forward it to her new address. A few weeks into the break I posted her something and she sent a 'thank you' text to which I didn't reply. A few days after that she sent me an angry text that I hadn't replied and that she hoped that nothing else arrived in the post that I would have to forward to her. I replied to this basically stating that I was only doing what we had agreed before she moved out and that if any more post came for her I'd gladly forward it to her, never a problem. That was our last communication, 5 weeks ago and this weekend marks 8 weekends since she moved out.

    I do miss her. And I think we could make it work again. I'm just wondering if this NC thing was a bad idea as we hadn't actually broken up and were just taking a break. I have no idea what she is up to these days at all. I imagine that she will contact me to meet up next week when the two months have passed. I just wonder if anyone has advice or experience of something like this. Thanks for reading my post.

    Regards,

    JimDandy

  2. #2
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2016
    Location
    Cloud Nine
    Posts
    31,549
    Gender
    Male
    Sorry to hear this. What became bad? What were the arguments about? Why did you move in together right away? Moving out is pretty definitive that it's over. Where did she move to?

    What are you hoping for when you reconvene at the 2 mos mark? Do you want her back, or just miss her as would be normal after that amount of time together.
    Originally Posted by jimdandy
    My (ex?) girlfriend and I had some rough times recently and kind of drifted apart. We've been together 4 years and living together that long too. As things became bad there before and after Christmas she decided it was best she moved out to take some time out and get her head straight on us.

  3. #3
    Member
    Join Date
    Mar 2018
    Posts
    42
    Hey Wiseman2,

    We were housemates before we became partners, that's why we were together from the get go. She moved to another part of town, on a short term couple of months let. Things just became strained, mainly due to pressure we were both under career wise. The spark wasn't there for a few months, funnily enough it came back in the last week before she moved out. We both realised we needed some time out.

    With the passage of time, I really miss her, want her back and think we could make it work if we ease ourselves back in. I've no idea what she's feeling though or how the break has been for her.

    JimDandy

  4. #4
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Jul 2017
    Location
    Boston, MA
    Age
    62
    Posts
    4,748
    Gender
    Male
    Well, you made a few mistakes here. The No Contact thing is when you've permanently broken up and you're trying to heal. You don't want to hear from an ex that reopens the wound every time they text or call. We had one poster say that every time she hears from her ex, she suffers an anxiety attack for hours. Now, that's an extreme reaction, but it shows that No Contact can eliminate a lot of stress in people's lives.

    It sounds like she just wanted a little space for a few weeks and you pulled the trigger by telling her to get lost for two months. Whoa! You've made her angry too! 5 weeks of her not contacting you sounds like a permanent break up to me. And why didn't you apologize 5 weeks ago and bring her flowers and chocolates? 5 weeks is a long time and I'm afraid your relationship is over. Your only hope, and this is a Hail Mary pass, is show up at her place with flowers and an Easter basket of candy or something she really likes and beg her forgiveness. I think you have a 40% chance of getting her back. Maybe less.

  5.  

  6. #5
    Member
    Join Date
    Mar 2018
    Posts
    42
    hey,

    my thinking here was that we were on the slippery slide towards an inevitable breakup so I thought keeping us apart for two months would give us both perspective and allow her to miss me and vice versa. I'm not overly concerned about the 5 weeks NC from her because she has always been stubborn so that is a factor. I just thought I wait until the two months had passed before we met up again and see if we feel the same, that day will pass next week.

    anyone else think I screwed up?

  7. #6
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Sep 2017
    Location
    United States
    Posts
    3,675
    Gender
    Female
    You done screwed up big time. NC wasn't the way to go. Limited would have been better. Only replying being short with her pissed her off, and rightfully so. You acted cold towards her. You need to understand women are sensitive and emotional, and you need to act like you care to some extent, otherwise all you do is shut us down and we lose feelings and feel rejected. Taking a break can mean a breakup, so if you didn't want that to happen, you would have had to show some type of feelings towards her. Now she went silent on you. And you on her. NC should never ever be used as a game piece. Does she miss you? Maybe. Is she pissed? Definitely. Do you have a good chance now? Most likely not.

    If I were you I'd break that NC right now.

  8. #7
    Silver Member Ziggy123's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2017
    Location
    Canada
    Posts
    462
    Gender
    Female
    As a girl I would be really mad and upset. I think this situation would make me leave for good. Sorry. Maybe the fact you had to take a break like this is a sign it should be over.

  9. #8
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2016
    Location
    Cloud Nine
    Posts
    31,549
    Gender
    Male
    No matter what you read on the internet about getting your ex back, "no contact" will not resuscitate a dead horse. It's been deteriorating for a long time to the point of her moving out. That's a huge step away from a relationship.

  10. #9
    Gold Member Cope's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2016
    Posts
    980
    Maybe NC wasn't a good idea, but I still think that if you really want this to work out, since you were clear about the NC from the get go, you can make a comeback. I know a couple who dated for 9 years, broke up to get perspective for a couple of months and now they have a lovely one year old.

    If the reasons for the break were serious differences though, you may want to re think the whole thing. So what perspective did you gain from the break?

  11. #10
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Aug 2016
    Posts
    8,036
    You don't fix a relationship by not communicating, OP.

    If you two intended this as some space - but not a break-up - then yes, you went about it all wrong. Cutting off contact doesn't do anything to remedy the problems between you. It is much more likely to worsen them.

    That doesn't mean you two should be together, necessarily. Moving out is a big step backwards. Clearly, something doesn't work between you and her. However, if the intention has been to resolve the issues, you cannot keep up No Contact. I don't see the purpose of that at all in reaching your objective here.

Page 1 of 7 1234 ... LastLast

Give Advice
Ask For Advice

Tags for this Thread

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •