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Thread: Relationship Break

  1. #21
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    When you were dating for the 2 mos, did you have the exclusivity talk? Was it understood that you were a couple? The best thing you can do is stop putting yourself in the friendzone by hanging out and talking. Stay no contact. If she decides to come back she'll come to that conclusion. But she can't miss you if you're buzzing around in the friendzone, while she lines up other guys to date.
    Originally Posted by jimdandy
    Is there a strong chance she'll jump right into a new relationship? And if so would that work for or against me?

  2. #22
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    Hey

    Yes we did have that talk and both agreed that we wouldn't see anyone else during the break and we both stuck to that. I haven't been in contact in two days and we ended it officially 3 days ago so I haven't been hanging around at all. And won't be either if it's for the best. How long do you wait though? For good until she contacts me? She's very stubborn and could easily not come back in contact even if she wanted to.

  3. #23
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    The entire point of her "break" was to find other guys and try to relegate you to the friendzone. Yes, let her reach out to you. If she has you on a string begging, pleading it makes matters much worse and severely reduces your attractiveness as a potential bf.
    Originally Posted by jimdandy
    For good until she contacts me?

  4. #24
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    No, the break was to see if she still wanted me in her life. We discussed beforehand that we'd meet again after two months and see if we could make it work again. The terms were that we wouldn't see anyone else during the break and if we were at all inclined to we'd meet up and call the whole thing off.

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  6. 06-14-2018, 07:05 AM

  7. #25
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    I understand that you think I should move on. But I'd love nothing more than to give it one last shot. Though you disagree with this, what would be my best next move if I wanted one last chance. Buy her flowers or stay the hell away? What should I do?

  8. #26
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Stay away. You don't want a restraining order on your record, do you? Stalking, including presenting unwanted gifts, is considered a crime. You need to address your obsession before you have legal problems.
    Originally Posted by jimdandy
    Buy her flowers

  9. #27
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    No obsession mate. I think you took me up wrong. I'd like to win her back and was looking for advice.

  10. #28
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    Originally Posted by jimdandy
    I understand that you think I should move on. But I'd love nothing more than to give it one last shot.
    One last shot? I asked this earlier but you never responded, so will ask it again (below), and hope you reflect on it and can answer honestly, even just within yourself.

    Originally Posted by katrina1980

    So sure you miss and crave her NOW that she's gone, but what makes you so sure that if you were to get back together, you wouldn't start feeling the same way again? Thinking it's not so great after all, just like the two previous times?
    Can you not at least recognize that there is a pattern here that best you explore so you don't jerk her around again, should she agree to give it "one last shot"?

    Also you've said, while in the RL, you didn't think the RL was so great, and that you "screwed up." That you didn't show her you cared. This happened twice both during your original RL and then when you got back together a second time.

    Why was that? Have you explored this within yourself so if by some chance you do get back together, this doesn't happen again? A third time?

    Come on now jd, seriously. I assume you're not a young kid. You've got "issues," is this not apparent to you?

    If you care about her at all, leave her the hell alone. Take some time out and work on your issues. No disrespect but this is pure selfishness on your part, you're not thinking of her at all (and how hurt she must have been by your "non-caring" actions, and may still be), you are only thinking of yourself, and your own needs.

    Apologies if that sounded a bit harsh, and I'm sorry you're struggling with this, but if you don't spend some time working on and hopefully resolving your own issues re relationships and commitment, these same issues will continue happening with every relationship you have going forward (whether it's with this girl again, or someone new).

    Best of luck.
    Last edited by katrina1980; 06-14-2018 at 01:11 PM.

  11. 06-14-2018, 01:07 PM

  12. #29
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    well, that escalated...

    the worst thing about going onto an american forum is that everyone's either an amateur psychologist or detective!

    but seriously...

    I'm a bit taken aback by some of the responses here. For brevity and clarity:

    - things weren't going too great so she moved out and we took a two month break
    - i basically shut off all communication during the break
    - we did meet up and decided to give it a tentative go again
    - after two months, my somewhat apathetic nature made her think it was best to call it a day, we both agreed on this
    - the next day, i realised it was over and what a mistake i had made. i asked for a second chance (not a third as this was our first (and only) break-up)
    - she declined and i reluctantly accepted
    - this was a few days ago and i haven't contacted her since. nor do i have any intention of
    - the fact that it was me who cut off communication for the two months flies in the face of any obsession theories
    - i don't think i have any more 'issues' than the next guy, just have regrets that i should have treated her better now she's gone
    - i'm 34, she's 27
    - i came here to tell my story initially and then lately for advice on how we might somehow get back together

    can i have some constructive advice please before anyone calls the cops for suggesting flowers or gets me a straight jacket for wanting a second chance!

    Jim Dandy

  13. 06-14-2018, 03:04 PM

  14. #30
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    No not a detective, nor a psychiatrist, amateur or otherwise, just been there done that before and know what to look for.

    And when a guy starts lamenting his relationship, saying things like "I suppose I just want something I can't have then when I have it, it doesn't seem so great...", and acknowledges he screwed up, didn't show his gf how much he cared while in the RL, TWICE, and he gets dumped because of it, and then immediately thereafter, starts panicking and wants her back -- sorry, that's a guy who has some issues to explore, and since you asked for our opinions, I'm gonna say so, honestly and respectfully.

    And just as a reminder, you're wanting a third chance, you already had a second chance and you blew it.

    I'm sorry you don't like my opinion, I won't respond anymore and wish you the best in getting her back, hope it works out for you!

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